One of the main purposes of the ABC model in rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) is to help people challenge unhelpful assumptions which cause self-disturbance. In doing so, people can learn how not to upset themselves. To understand this process, consider the following.
REBT theory maintains that when an unexpected Activating event occurs and a person uses an irrational Belief about the situation, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the undesirable circumstance that causes unpleasant emotional, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
Rather than remaining self-disturbed, an individual is invited to try Disputation which may lead to an Effective new belief that is used in place of an unproductive self-narrative. With the ABC model, a person learns to stop needless suffering which is caused by unhelpful assumptions.
In a blogpost entitled Friend Dispute, I stated:
While there are different methods of disputing, the current blogpost addresses what’s known as the friend dispute. Describing this tool, one source states:
Using this dispute, a therapist may ask a client something like, “What would you tell a friend in a similar situation?” The goal of this technique is to help clients see that they have the ability to generate solutions or alternative ways of thinking and problem solving. It can also help show clients that they would never think about or treat others as harshly as they do themselves.
I use this technique with clients when inviting people to consider perspectives different than their own.
Since writing that entry, I’ve come to realize that many people with whom I’ve worked throughout the years seek my psychotherapeutic services precisely because they don’t believe their friends can offer helpful feedback. This is understandable.
For instance, take a moment to think about your closest friends. You may share many intimate details with them. Still, I wonder as to whether or not you would value their input when so often we can predict what our friends may say about one matter or another.
As an example, you know that friend X generally doesn’t counter much of what you have to say. You could tell this person that you’ve just killed someone and friend X may inquire, “Do you need help disposing of the body?”
Likewise, friend Y typically disagrees with most of what you suggest. You may say to this individual that you think it’s a lovely day and friend Y may reply, “It most certainly isn’t! I got a flat tire on my way into work this morning!”
In the case of friends X and Y, you may be able to predict their responses for any give matter and with some degree of accuracy. Such is the case for many people with whom I’ve worked. Predictability of potential outcomes when you’re facing a problem may not be entirely useful.
Therefore, I’ve considered use of another tool for disputation. While this technique may be plagued with similar factors of predictability, I’ve invited some clients to use it and they’ve reported success more so than with a friend dispute.
As a matter of self-disclosure, I don’t believe in the concept of a multiverse. For context, consider what one source states:
The multiverse is the hypothetical set of all universes. Together, these universes are presumed to comprise everything that exists: the entirety of space, time, matter, energy, information, and the physical laws and constants that describe them.
The different universes within the multiverse are called “parallel universes”, “flat universes”, “other universes”, “alternate universes”, “multiple universes”, “plane universes”, “parent and child universes”, “many universes”, or “many worlds”.
One common assumption is that the multiverse is a “patchwork quilt of separate universes all bound by the same laws of physics.”
Despite my rejection of this concept, I’m aware that others are free to believe in unfalsifiable hypotheses as they wish. In fact, a number of the people on my current client caseload subscribe to wacky beliefs.
Alas, I don’t judge these individuals, because they are merely fallible human beings. No one alive is one’s own thoughts or beliefs. No judgment is needed. Besides, it very well may be the case that these same people consider some of my crazy beliefs as worthy of rejection. So be it.
In any case, I’ve invited some people to consider the dispute of you in another dimension. Imagine that in some other timeline there exists a version of yourself who experiences the exact same problem with which you’re currently self-disturbed.
Given the ABC model, we know that it isn’t the problem itself – though your unproductive belief – which causes self-upset. Nevertheless, for some reason, you believe that you simply can’t separate yourself from the issue in this moment so that you can resolve the matter.
What might you say to you in another dimension in order to assist your interdimensional self with this very problem? Suppose you were able to sit with yourself, enjoy your preferred beverage, and talk through the matter. What would you say?
Unlike friend X who may predictably agree with whatever you decide, or friend Y who serves more of a contrarian role in your life, what do you imagine you’d say when trying to help yourself in another dimension? Using this tool, could you achieve a more balanced perspective?
Perhaps after resolving your problem, you may never see this version of yourself again. Maybe the alternative you will be seen repeatedly throughout the rest of your life. The imaginary aspect of this dispute may be tailored to your preference. It’s up to you.
The purpose of a friend dispute, or you in another dimension dispute, is merely to provide a more productive perspective than the one you currently use. Therefore, I invite you to try this potentially helpful tool the next time that you’re self-disturbed.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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