In literature pertaining to rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT), there’s a key distinction to be made in regard to a self-disturbing belief of an absolutistic or conditional variety and non-disturbing beliefs of a preferential or recommendatory type.
The main difference involves rigidity versus flexibility. Allow me to briefly address each of these beliefs.
REBT theory maintains that when an unexpected Activating event occurs and a person uses an irrational Belief about the situation, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the undesirable circumstance that causes unpleasant emotional, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
Rather than remaining self-disturbed, an individual is invited to try Disputation which may lead to an Effective new belief that’s used in place of an unproductive self-narrative. With the ABC model, a person learns to stop needless suffering which is caused by unhelpful assumptions.
Rigidity is used with both absolutistic and conditional varieties of should, must, or ought-types of demandingness. This includes derivatives of these phrases such as got to, have to, need to, and so on and so forth.
As an example of a rigidly absolutistic demand, I may believe, “I must convey my points clearly in this blogpost.” Suppose that as a fallible human being I’m unable to uphold this inflexible command. The result of my rigidity will be a self-disturbed disposition (e.g., sorrow).
Likewise, imagine that I obstinately believe, “If I can’t convey my points clearly, then I shouldn’t write blogposts at all.” This conditional form of demandingness also sets me up for unpleasant consequences, because it doesn’t allow for a balance of potential outcomes.
Instead of using rigid varieties of belief, suppose that I instead used a type of flexible assumption. For instance, I could believe, “Preferably, I should communicate clearly; however, I don’t have to do so.”
This form of preferential belief allows an opportunity for an amenable outcome, if in the event I make mistakes – which fallible human beings often do. When using preference-based versus absolute or conditional beliefs, I likely won’t experience unpleasant consequences.
Similarly, imagine that I used a recommendatory belief such as, “I should try to convey my points clearly in this blogpost, though in actuality I understand that there’s always room for improvement with my writing skills.” I’d likely benefit from this form of flexible attitude.
As I’ve briefly drawn a distinction between absolutistic, conditional, preferential, and recommendatory beliefs, I now invite you to identify what type of assumption is being used in an electronic dance music (EDM) song by Ian Pooley called “Learn,” featuring vocals of Robert Owens:
You got to, you got to learn […] you’ve been caught up in someone else’s dream. You need to step outside yourself, take a look around. Love everything you see from that day on. Your soul will fly free if you learn to love your-, your-, yourself. Aint’ you tired of lovin’ somebody that don’t love you?
Okay, what do you think? Does Owens use rigid or flexible derivatives of should, must, and ought-type beliefs in the form of statements? (I’ll give you a moment to re-read or perhaps even go to the link and listen to the song.)
Presuming you’ve made up your mind, do you agree that Owens uses flexibly recommendatory should statements? On the track, he’s recommending to someone that the individual should (“got to”) learn from self-disturbed behavior and should (“need to”) reconsider one’s own options.
This is a helpful versus unhelpful use of should beliefs. Now, suppose I say, “You got to learn the difference between rigid and flexible beliefs.” Would you be willing to accept this recommendation? If not, you don’t necessarily need to do as I recommend.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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Kate00071. (2011, June 11). Ian Pooley feat Robert Owens – Learn [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/TtlW0eXXIC0?si=JaszYrf2CfOZXjsm
User18526052. (n.d.). Charming thoughtful student in glasses thinks about something important, holds planner in hands, prepares for exams, keeps pensil at her lip, poses over pink [Image]. Freepick. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/charming-thoughtful-student-glasses-thinks-about-something-important-holds-planner-hands-prepares-exams-keeps-pensil-her-lip-poses-pink_8760719.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=21&uuid=34a3c6db-7150-46c4-af3c-6ca96df87c9a
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Ian Pooley. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ian_Pooley
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Robert Owens (musician). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Owens_(musician)
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