You Can't Have Your Cake and Eat It, Too

[DISCLAIMER]

Back when I celebrated birthdays and holidays, someone purchased a cake for me from my favorite bakery in Bomb City. Unfortunately, I literally couldn’t have my cake and eat it, too. Are you familiar with this phrase? Explaining its meaning, one source states:

You can’t have your cake and eat it (too) is a popular English idiomatic proverb or figure of speech. The proverb literally means “you cannot simultaneously retain possession of a cake and eat it, too”. Once the cake is eaten, it is gone.

It can be used to say that one cannot have two incompatible things, or that one should not try to have more than is reasonable. The proverb’s meaning is similar to the phrases “you can’t have it both ways” and “you can’t have the best of both worlds.”

In literal terms, I couldn’t simultaneously retain possession of my cake while eating it, too. This is because once the cake was eaten, I couldn’t have it anymore. It’d be gone! Representing this logical and reasonable (collectively “rational”) expression is the following syllogism:

Form (constructive dilemma) –

If p, then q; and if r, then s; but either p or r; therefore, either q or s.

Example –

If I want to eat my cake, then I cannot have my cake; and if not eating cake is undesirable to me, then there’s no point in having cake in the first place; but either I want to eat my cake or not eating cake is undesirable to me; therefore, either I cannot have my cake or there’s no point in having cake in the first place.

Aside from its literal term, the idiomatic expression “you can’t have your cake and eat it, too” represents a figurative cake that may either be retained while not eaten or eaten without being retained, as this is where Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) comes into play.

I often tell people that it simply isn’t enough to merely understand and believe in REBT as a psychotherapeutic modality, because routine practice (and I mean daily!) is necessary in order to become proficient with techniques of the ABC model and unconditional acceptance.

However, people express refusal to routinely practice these helpful tools while simultaneously bitching, whining, moaning, whinging, and complaining about how they aren’t getting better when receiving REBT psychotherapeutic services. You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.

Typically, I try to refrain from use of dichotomous choices. Still, there are two options with are immediately obvious. Either you’ll continue using irrational beliefs with which you’ll self-disturb (i.e., having cake) or you’ll do the work necessary in order to get better (i.e., eating cake).

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2024, February 25). Doing the work. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/doing-the-work

Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Lived experience. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/lived-experience

Hollings, D. (2023, January 8). Logic and reason. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/logic-and-reason

Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings

Hollings, D. (2023, March 20). Practice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/practice

Hollings, D. (2023, September 15). Psychotherapeutic modalities. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapeutic-modalities

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought

Hollings, D. (2023, October 17). Syllogism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/syllogism

Hollings, D. (2022, November 14). Touching a false dichotomy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/touching-a-false-dichotomy

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux

Hollings, D. (2024, January 16). Understanding, belief, and practice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/understanding-belief-and-practice

Wikipedia. (n.d.). You can’t have your cake and eat it. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_can%27t_have_your_cake_and_eat_it#:~:text=You%20can%27t%20have%20your%20cake%20and%20eat%20it%20(too,trade%2Doffs%20or%20opportunity%20cost.