As a fallible human being who practices Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) in my personal and professional life, I’m not immune to mild self-disturbance—the process of upsetting oneself with irrational beliefs about activating events, per the ABC model.
Using the technique of unconditional self-acceptance, I’m not ashamed to admit that I have pet peeves—subjects of complaint which a particular person finds especially annoying. I imagine that I’m not the sole REBT practitioner who experiences this form of self-disturbance.
As an example, when asking people close-ended questions and receiving a “yes and no” response (Activating event), I sometimes unproductively Believe, “Not everything has to be nuanced, so you should just take up a determined stance by responding with ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ though not both.”
Here, “has to” and “should” represent demandingness which is one of the four main irrational beliefs identified in REBT theory. Although I don’t experience fear, anger, sorrow, or disgust – all healthy negative emotions under specific circumstances – my assumption does lead to the unpleasant emotion of annoyance (Consequence).
When I disturb myself in such a way, I quickly Dispute my unfavorable attitude so that I may replace the assumption with an Effective new belief. For instance, why shouldn’t people respond to posed questions however they choose?
As an example, if I ask client X, “Is it possible that you’re upsetting yourself about this situation through use of an irrational belief” and the individual responds, “Yes and no;” why must client X conform to the script within my mind by replying with an affirmative or dissenting answer?
Truly, there remain gradations to answers which I perhaps haven’t considered. Maybe client X has justification for answering in a manner I find confusing. Great! This instance affords me an opportunity to seek clarity by posing a follow-up question. Is that an awful thing? No.
Besides, just as I’m a fallible human being, I recognize that client X is also imperfect. Thus, I use unconditional other-acceptance by acknowledging how little control and influence I have regarding the responses of flawed individuals.
An effective new belief is then formed by telling myself, “Annoyance isn’t necessary in this situation, because I can instead use curiosity which is associated with optimism.” As a result of this attitude, there are no unpleasant consequences to the more adaptive assumption I use.
Noteworthy, annoyance is a suitable result in many situations. For instance, client X may be distraught from use of rigid beliefs regarding an activating event such as unbridled immigration. Such assumptions may produce fear, anger, sorrow, and disgust.
However, rather than unrealistically proposing a goal to feel joy or pleasure about the deterioration of one’s cultural landscape, client X may choose to merely be annoyed by the matter over which this person has no control and exceedingly limited influence.
Still, as I practice REBT on a daily basis, I opt to challenge myself by pushing through the unpleasantry of annoyance if and when able to do so. Therefore, I can tolerate and accept a great many activating events which I find disagreeable.
Despite the fact that some clients have challenged by proposal regarding self-disturbance functioning as a choice-based experience, I maintain that people have options regarding consequences of their unhelpful beliefs. If you’d like to know more about how to stop annoying yourself, I look forward to hearing from you.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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