What Is Within Your Ability to Control?

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As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Think about what you envision when imagining tranquility. Within the field of mental, emotional, and behavioral health, there’s a lot of imagery pertaining to the Eastern tradition of meditation in solitude. Regarding this mental depiction, authors of The Daily Stoic state (25):

The image of the Zen philosopher is the monk up in the green, quiet hills, or in a beautiful temple on some rocky cliff. The Stoics are the antithesis of this idea. Instead, they are the man in the marketplace, the senator in the Forum, the brave wife waiting for her soldier to return from battle, the sculptor busy in her studio. Still, the Stoic is equally at peace.

In my personal life, I’ve carefully cultivated the ability to establish tranquility despite choosing to reside within a chaotic society. This isn’t done through avoidance regarding members of the society in which I live. Rather, I do this in alignment with teachings of Epictetus (page 25):

For if a person shifts their caution to their own reasoned choices and the acts of those choices, they will at the same time gain the will to avoid, but if they shift their caution away from their own reasoned choices to things not under their control, seeking to avoid what is controlled by others, they will then be agitated, fearful, and unstable.

As I’ve established tranquility in my own life by frequently reminding myself what is and isn’t within my ability to control, I’ve also used psychoeducational lessons with clients and others to advocate this Epictetian principle. Of this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 25):

Epictetus is reminding you that serenity and stability are results of your choices and judgment, not your environment. If you seek to avoid all disruptions to tranquility—other people, external events, stress—you will never be successful.

Your problems will follow you wherever you run and hide. But if you seek to avoid the harmful and disruptive judgments that cause those problems, then you will be stable and steady wherever you happen to be.

Admittedly, in order to achieve tranquility, I’ve used the cognitive behavior therapy technique of stimulus control. Addressing this tool, I stated in a blogpost entitled Rigid Stimulus Control:

[…] stimulus control, about which one source states, “In behavioral psychology, stimulus control is a phenomenon in operant conditioning that occurs when an organism behaves in one way in the presence of a given stimulus and another way in its absence.” Expanding upon this concept, consider what one REBT source states:

For clients working on changing a behavior, we advocate stimulus control at the beginning of such change. Examples include having clients who have problems with alcohol get rid of all of the alcohol in their home and avoid going to bars or having clients with eating disorders throw away certain foods that are likely to trigger a binge.

There’s nothing inherently bad or wrong about use of stimulus control. Admittedly, I utilize this technique in my personal life.

As an example, I’ve let go of those people who’ve not served well my interests and goals. With removal of these individuals (stimulus control), I can instead devote my time, attention, and energy toward matters in life which are more aligned with my desires and objectives.

Although this may seem contradictory to the Stoic practice of living within a society, as I’ve chosen to remove specific people from my life, I argue that removal of these individuals allows me to better navigate the chaos of those members of society over whom I have no influence.

Because I couldn’t control other people, I focused on what was within my ability to control. Now, my life is much more tranquil than perhaps it’s ever been. In consideration of this Stoic perspective, I invite you to contemplate what is within your ability to control.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Easy.Peasy.AI. (2023, December 9). Elderly Asian monk meditating on majestic mountain [Image]. Retrieved from https://easy-peasy.ai/ai-image-generator/images/elderly-asian-monk-meditating-majestic-mountain-sunrise-scene

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

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