What if I dedicate time to writing this blogpost and no one reads it? Worse yet, what if someone reads it and instead of focusing on the intended message the person is distracted by my poor writing technique?
What if that individual shares a link to the post with other people and they sit around laughing at how awfully I explain Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)? What if they also conclude that I’m a lousy psychotherapist who shouldn’t be allowed to work with clients?
What if someone from that group of people shares the post on social media while mocking me? What if I can’t stand the public shaming that would likely ensue? What if after all that I determine that everyone is right and that I’m an incompetent behavioral health care provider?
What if, what if, what if? Are you familiar with these two words which serve as the language of fear and anxiety? Here, fear is defined as an unpleasant and often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.
Likewise, anxiety is defined as an apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness, usually over an impending or anticipated ill or event. Interestingly, both fearfulness and anxiousness are experienced similarly (i.e., rapid heartrate, nervous energy, profuse sweating, etc.).
For clarity, think of fear as something with a stimulus that you can pinpoint (e.g., fear of failure with writing) and anxiety as a similar experience, though you can’t quite identify what about the activating source with which you’re specifically concerned (i.e., anxious in public settings).
When working with clients, I often hear the language of fear and anxiety. What if, what if, what if? To understand how this unhelpful narrative impacts the manner in which people react, it may be useful to know a bit of information about REBT.
REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
Unpleasant reactions to unhelpful narratives include cognitions such as that with which I began this post. Emotive consequences include fear and anxiety. Bodily sensations relate to a rapid heartrate, nervous energy, etc. An example of a behavioral response could be nail-biting.
Noteworthy, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance (LFT), and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, when I post a poorly written blogpost (Action) people may ridicule my writing (Consequence). Still, if I unhelpfully Believe, “That shouldn’t happen to me,” then I’ll likely disturb myself into a sorrowful or angry disposition (Consequence).
Thus, I help people to stop upsetting themselves through use of B-C connections, though I can’t fully resolve their A-C connections. If there were a mathematical formula for the ABC model, it would be something like: Action + Belief = Consequence ÷ Disputation = Effective new belief.
Furthermore, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
As I’ve mentioned, REBT theory posits that there are four predominate irrational beliefs. Therefore, it may be worth addressing how a what if narrative fits into a pattern of self-disturbance when it isn’t an obvious major irrational assumption identified by REBT.
The late psychologist Albert Ellis, who developed REBT which serves as a form of cognitive behavior therapy, stated about this self-disturbing narrative:
When I keep making myself anxious by telling myself what if bad things happen, what if people treat me unfairly, what if I act foolishly and bring about bad results, and similar what ifs, I can always tell myself, as Arnold Lazarus recommended, so what if these things occur or I make them occur? I can still change my anxious and panicked feelings to concern, regret, and frustration. When I do so, I can see that most of these “terrible” things will never occur, but if some of them do, I can handle them, cope with them, improve them, or fully accept them and live a less happy life but not an utterly miserable one.
As you can see, a what if narrative is a self-disturbing form of LFT. Just as the language of fear and anxiety use a what if phrase, the catchphrase for LFT is I can’t stand it. This occurs when we convince ourselves that activating events are literally intolerable.
With this unhelpful narrative, we then experience the unpleasant response of fear or anxiety. Thus, Ellis advocated building high frustration tolerance (HFT). Whereas LFT communicates that I can’t stand it, HFT reassures that I got this (even though the event is undesirable).
Therefore, HFT relates to resilience. Sometimes, I find the use of salient examples may help people to better synthesize the information I present in psychoeducational form, such as knowledge about what if narratives contained herein.
For hip hop heads like me, you may be familiar with a number of rap examples in which what if statements are utilized. To benefit your understanding of this matter, consider the following:
· On lyricist LL Cool J’s 1995 banger “I Shot Ya (Remix),” lyricist Keith Murray stated, “If your if was a spliff [marijuana joint], we’d be all fucked up (Word up).”
· On his 2003 jam “If Was a 5th,” lyricist E-40 stated, “If if was a fifth [of alcohol], we’ll all be drunk.”
· On his 2016 song “What If,” rapper Snoop Dogg stated, “If if was a fifth, we’d all be fucked up.”
· On his 2019 track “If Was a 5th,” rapper Layzie Bone stated, “If if was a fifth, we’d all be drunk, all be drunk (That’s fucked up).”
Each of these artists recognized that a what if narrative was akin to being under the influence of substances – or to put it crudely, what if narratives will get you fucked up. Fortunately, you don’t have to fuck yourself up – or to put it clinically, you don’t have to self-disturb.
Helpfully, a number of my clients have told me they appreciate a tool which I refer to as “what if in the opposite direction.” Using this technique, one applies the elegant solution (granting the premise of a what if narrative) and turns what if into an opportunity for helpful planning.
Discussing this tool, I stated in a blogpost entitled Anxiety About Freezing Weather, “what if’ questioning in the form of preparation could actually reduce one’s level of self-disturbance. For example, ‘What if a pipe bursts? I can just turn off the water connection.”
An LFT perspective uses what if in the direction of fear and anxiety. Thus, what if in the opposite direction is an HFT tool that uses what if in the direction of tolerance and acceptance.
So, what if someone reads this post and instead of focusing on the intended message the person is distracted by my poor writing technique? What if this occurs and I’m able to withstand the notion that not everyone will appreciate my writing?
What if I ultimately determine that everyone in my imagination or the real world is right and that I’m an incompetent behavioral health care provider? What if I die with the knowledge that I at least tried to help other people before I went – and did so as a fallible human being?
What if, what if, what it? If you’ve found that the narrative of fear and anxiety hasn’t served you well, I invite you to use the helpful tool of what if in the opposite direction. What if it doesn’t work? Well, what if it does?
But really, what if it doesn’t? Seriously, what if you never tried and it could’ve actually helped? What if, what if, what if?
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
Photo credit (edited), fair use
References:
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E40TV. (2014, November 8). If If Was a 5th [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/7VWnAT6MpBE?si=djoKo00muud4CIXy
Ellis, A. (1997). How to control your anxiety before it controls you. Kensington Publishing Corp. Retrieved from https://dokumen.pub/qdownload/how-to-control-your-anxiety-before-it-controls-you-9780806538037-9780806538044-080653804x-0806538031.html
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