I was in high school when the legendary hip hop group Cypress Hill released their classic 1993 album Black Sunday with all tracks produced by DJ Muggs. The anthology featured a song called “What Go Around Come Around Kid,” as the chorus repeats the title over and over again.
I recall the song being played in steady rotation by Amarillo, Texas’ local DJ Deana E. That’s around the time when the photo for this blogpost was taken.
Back then, I had cystic acne on my face, chest, and back. Dermatologists assured me that I’d eventually outgrow the annoying and painful condition while treating me with topical remedies and systemic isotretinoin therapy.
In the above photo, I wore large shades (sunglasses) and a ball cap in order to irrationally hide behind what I believed to be a cloak of virtual invisibility. If people were distracted by these items, they likely wouldn’t focus on inflamed red bumps all over my face, I absurdly reasoned.
What I didn’t understand about the low self-esteem I experienced at that point in my life was that my skin condition wasn’t what caused my self-defeating cognitions, unpleasant emotions, and hiding behavior. Rather, what I irrationally believed is what caused the unhelpful response.
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, when as a teen my skin produced too much oil (Action) my face broke out in pimples (Consequence). Still, when I unhelpfully Believed, “I’m worthless, because most of my peers don’t have as much acne as I do,” then I disturbed myself into an sorrowful disposition (Consequence).
Thus, when working with people through use of REBT I help individuals to stop upsetting themselves through use of B-C connections, though I can’t fully resolve their A-C connections. Regarding acne, I’ll leave that sort of treatment and management up to dermatologists.
Helpfully, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).
The late psychologist Albert Ellis, who developed REBT, addressed global self-evaluation and USA in a book entitled The Myth of Self-esteem: How rational emotive behavior therapy can change your life forever by stating:
“I accept myself, my existence, my being with my fallibility. Too bad about it. But I’m still okay. To define myself as non-okay-worthless-is silly and will make me more fallible. I’m okay because I think I am. Or, more accurately, I am a person who has many good and many bad traits. Let me rate them, such as they are, and not rate me.”
Both self-esteem and self-acceptance, then, can be had definitionally-for the asking, for the choosing. Take one or the other. Choose! Better yet, take no global rating. Choose your goals and values and rate how you experience them well or badly. Don’t rate yourself, being, entity, personality at all. Your totality is too complex and too changing to measure. Repeatedly acknowledge that.
Rather than advocating self-esteem, Ellis encouraged people to practice USA. Thus, it didn’t matter whether or not I had cystic acne in 1993. I was more than the pimples which were featured prominently on my face.
Had I unconditionally accepted this fact, I wouldn’t have hidden behind what lyricist LL Cool J mocked when criticizing lyricist Kool Moe Dee’s “Star Trek shades.” Likewise, I wouldn’t have valued self-esteem as much as I did.
Ellis once stated that “self-esteem, as against self-acceptance, is one of the worst sicknesses ever invented,” and I find it difficult to disagree with his critique of this socially-constructed illness. Fortunately, I’ve come to embrace USA since the days of adolescence.
This is a favorable approach, because as a middle-aged man I continue to experience skin-related conditions. Turns out, dermatologists from back in the day were wrong. I still have acne and I’ve even developed pseudofolliculitis barbae, as well.
If I could travel back in time to the point at which the photo for this post was taken, I’d say to my younger self, “What go around come around, kid. Unconditionally accept yourself and don’t place value in self-rating without first considering that you’re more than your appearance.”
Alas, I’m not a time traveler. Therefore, I use ULA to accept the past without conditions. Likewise, I practice UOA to unconditionally accept that other people will inevitably rate my appearance. As such, I can tolerate and accept the inconvenience of life in this regard.
Additionally, I practice USA concerning my unproductive thoughts pertaining to others. Apparently, large shades have come back into style, because what go around come around, kid.
Not particularly appreciative of what I consider a silly aesthetic and an unimaginative generational trend whereby people are biting a style from the time when I was essentially a kid, I practice USA when currently thinking about these fashionable shades, “Ugh!”
What go around come around, kid! And you know what, I’m glad that all things shall pass. This includes self-defeating thoughts, unpleasant emotions, judgmental attitudes, and fondness for Star Trek shades. All of it, I accept unconditionally, kid.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
AEI. (n.d.). About Albert Ellis, Ph.D. Albert Ellis Institute. Retrieved from https://albertellis.org/about-albert-ellis-phd/
Cypress Hill. (2023, July 20). Cypress Hill - What Go Around Come Around, Kid (Official audio) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/dkgqDSrFPYw?si=4d1NMgeWzR3Qfhhp
Ellis, A. (2005). The myth of self-esteem: How rational emotive behavior therapy can change your life forever. Prometheus. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-myth-of-self-esteem-how-rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-can-change-your-life-forever-d195237477.html
Halasz, G. (2004, December). In conversation with Dr Albert Ellis. Australian Psychiatry. Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/227984238_In_Conversation_with_Dr_Albert_Ellis
HipHop Philosophy Radio. (2015, February 6). Biting. Urban Dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=biting
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LL Cool J. (2018, December 12). To Da Break of Dawn [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/O4pQ-JDQ4l4?si=8LLoo78ORS-ThKDy
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Wikipedia. (n.d.). Cypress Hill. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cypress_Hill
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