*Better Call Saul spoilers contained herein
In season five, episode nine of Better Call Saul, characters Mike Ehrmantraut and Saul Goodman survive a traumatic experience in the desert. Following a chaotic and deadly shootout, Saul confides in Mike about how to move forward when one has undergone a life changing event:
Saul: When will this be over for me?
Mike: Well, here’s what’s gonna happen. One day… one day you’re gonna wake up, eat your breakfast, brush your teeth, go about your business. And sooner or later, you’re gonna realize you haven’t thought about it. None of it! That’s the moment you realize you can forget. When you know that’s possible, it all gets easier.
Having been on both sides of the law as a law enforcement officer and a criminal, Mike spoke from personal experience about how he managed his symptoms of posttraumatic stress. In fact, throughout the series Mike exposes himself to traumatic events. He spoke from experience.
Prior to learning about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I practiced a similarly dismissive approach in regard to dealing with recurrent traumatic experiences. As a child, I self-learned the method of compartmentalization—isolation of unpleasant thoughts and emotions.
This is essentially the approach to living free of self-disturbance addressed by Mike. One carries on about life, per usual, and thoughts about distressing events are said to diminish over time.
Of course, such wasn’t the case for me. Although I could compartmentalize by stuffing unpleasant memories into a proverbial box within my mind, the container eventually overflowed.
It didn’t all get easier when that happened, because I disturbed myself with beliefs about what I’d hidden for all those years. Eventually, the impact of disturbance took a toll on my additional thoughts, beliefs, emotions, bodily sensations, and behavior.
Similar to Saul, I wanted to know when the ignored effects of trauma would be over for me. Turns out, merely dismissing mental processes (thoughts and beliefs), feelings (emotions and sensations), and behavioral responses wasn’t beneficial for me.
The late psychologist who developed REBT, Albert Ellis, incorporated Stoicism into his psychotherapeutic modality and this approach to well-being is different than the method of compartmentalization or dismissiveness of one’s own experience.
Stoicism fosters personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) regarding one’s reaction to undesirable events such as traumatic experiences. Unfortunately, Stoicism sometimes receives a poor reputation. For example, consider what one examined source states:
I want to talk about Stoic bypassing. This is when your conscious intellectual mind is committed to Stoicism, and you’re very adept at talking the Stoic talk, but your actual emotions and desires are just as unregenerate as ever.
You can use Stoicism, in this instance, as a means to shut down your own difficult emotions, dismiss them as ‘not rational’, dismiss even your own physical sensations, and retreat to the citadel of your intellect. Good luck with that.
The source understandably misinterprets what Stoicism is, ostensibly arguing that it serves as a form of emotional dismissiveness. I find that many people maintain this mistaken interpretation in regard to the personal ownership element of Stoicism.
To clarify, suppose you’re involved in a traumatic event such as a motor vehicle accident (MVA). You are the passenger in a vehicle rollover caused by inclement weather conditions such as black ice.
You and one other person survive the event, though the driver and another passenger are killed. Stoicism in relation to this MVA traumatic experience doesn’t promote a go-on-about-your-life-until-you-one-day-forget-it approach. That’s not Stoicism.
Rather, from an REBT perspective, I’d invite you to consider personal responsibility (your duty) and accountability (consequences of fulfilling or not fulfilling that duty). Suppose it’s in your interests and goals to free yourself from self-disturbance. This is your self-ascribed duty.
You had no control or influence regarding the MVA in the moment of the occurrence, nor can you alter the outcome of a historical traumatic experience. Because you’ve given yourself a duty to continue forward in life, what may be the consequences of failing to fulfill your responsibility?
Perhaps the lack of accountability to yourself results in continued self-disturbance, such as the sort Saul experienced when consulting with Mike. When not taking personal accountability of the fact that you can’t change the past, you needlessly suffer in the present.
Stoicism isn’t about “talking the Stoic talk,” it’s about walking the Stoic walk. It’s not about merely feeling better about an MVA; it’s about getting better when you had no control or influence in regard to the accident, though you can change your response to the traumatic event.
Another matter the examined source appears to misunderstand is use of the ABC model by suggesting that Stoicism is used to “shut down your own difficult emotions, dismiss them as ‘not rational’, dismiss even your own physical sensations, and retreat to the citadel of your intellect.”
This isn’t an approach to REBT that I was taught. Likewise, I challenge the author of the examined source to demonstrate where in REBT literature advocacy for such an approach is outlined.
That which is in accordance with logic and reason is said to be rational. Emotions aren’t necessary rational, when given this formulation. However, this doesn’t mean that REBT practitioners dismiss emotions altogether.
Noteworthy, REBT is one of the earliest forms of cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). The ‘C’ in CBT and the ‘R’ in REBT address rational and irrational thinking, and believing.
However, the ‘E’ in REBT specifically relates to emotions, defying the mischaracterized “citadel of your intellect” approach to this Stoic-influenced psychotherapeutic modality. In any case, the examined source continues:
Or you may encounter ‘Stoic bullshitting’, when a person cloaks their own selfish desires in Stoic language, and don’t admit that they’re angry or horny or offended or vengeful or whatever. They pretend they’re a perfectly rational computer while their emotions seethe beneath the surface.
Emotions seething “beneath the surface” are a product of one’s irrational beliefs. In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations.
This matter has little to do with “Stoic bullshitting” or perfection in regard to rationality. Understandably, many people err in a similar manner as the examined source.
Nevertheless, one who “cloaks one’s own selfish desires in Stoic language” such as, “It is what it is,” though who doesn’t take time by putting forth the effort to dispute irrational beliefs, isn’t using Stoicism and instead simply practices dismissive compartmentalization. Is that helpful?
I got by for many years when stuffing unaddressed psychological material into a proverbial box of compartmentalization. Admittedly, neglect of personal ownership regarding the choice not to deal with my issues wasn’t helpful. At any rate, the examined source continues:
I remember, for example, an ugly legal battle that took place in the last year of Albert Ellis’ life — he was the neo-Stoic founder of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (the earliest form of CBT). He’d built up the Albert Ellis Institute and poured millions of dollars into it, but in his old age, the board of the Institute kicked him off the board and refused to pay his medical bills. It was a very nasty fight, and I still remember the head of the board quoted as saying — through gritted teeth — ‘if only rationality would prevail’. The head of the board was tried, a few years later, for embezzling several million bucks from the institute, by the way. Rationalize that punk!
First, I appreciate that the examined source called attention to how Ellis was reportedly treated by the board of his own institute. In an interview regarding this matter, one source reported:
Ellis, as his theory dictates, urges separating the person from the action. “For example, I hate what the people here at the institute are doing immorally and unethically,” he says in his rumbling, gravelly honk. “I think they’re fallible, stupid people who are doing the wrong thing—but they may be nice to their mothers … You damn the things people do, you don’t damn them.”
Ellis apparently chose not to use a global evaluation of those people he perceived were doing him wrong. That was a real-life example of walking the Stoic walk. Ellis had a choice to self-disturb and he reportedly chose not to allow irrationality to dictate his response.
Second, the examined source errs in stating, “Rationalize that[,] punk,” in regard to the legal outcome of an individual reportedly found guilty of embezzling $2.5 million from Ellis’ institute. For clarity, I stated in a blogpost entitled Rationalization:
When hearing I practice REBT, I’ve been asked by some people whether or not rationality is the same concept as rationalization. It is not. When describing the latter psychoanalytic term, one source states:
Rationalization is a defense mechanism (ego defense) in which apparent logical reasons are given to justify behavior that is motivated by unconscious instinctual impulses. It is an attempt to find reasons for behaviors, especially one’s own. Rationalizations are used to defend against feelings of guilt, maintain self-respect, and protect oneself from criticism.
Whereas rationality uses reasoning based on principles of validity, rationalization uses explanations to justify one’s experience with uncomfortable emotions and behaviors. Regarding the latter, REBT uses the ABC model to demonstrate how irrational beliefs cause unpleasant feelings (emotions and bodily sensations) and behaviors.
One can understand how mistaking rationalization with rationality may occur. Likewise, one can further comprehend how the examined source could conflate “Stoic bullshitting” with Stoicism.
Nevertheless, simply because terms may seem as though they’re synonymous doesn’t mean they’re actually equivalent. Understanding the distinctions addressed herein, you may then better comprehend the remainder of the conversation between Saul and Mike:
Saul: Look, just tell me. What are you saying?
Mike: Look, we all make our choices and those choices put us on a road. Sometimes those choices seem small, but they put you on the road. You think about getting off, but eventually you’re back on it. The road we’re on led us out to the desert, and everything that happened there, and straight back to where we are right now. And nothing… nothing can be done about that.
Although I didn’t choose the traumatic experiences of my childhood, I did make choices to repeatedly compartmentalize my response to the events. Dismissive actions such as those weren’t healthy in the long run.
It’s only when I made choices to stop self-disturbing with irrational beliefs, practice Stoicism (rather than “Stoic bullshitting”), and continually use unconditional acceptance about events regarding which I didn’t choose that I actually got better. That required personal ownership.
I’m not suggesting that I was personally responsible and accountable for the childhood abuse I endured. Likewise, I’m not proposing that you maintain personal ownership for an MVA involving black ice when you’re a passenger in the vehicle.
However, I submit that if one values truth and reality, it may be worth considering that one has a personal duty (responsibility) to practice wellness versus allowing reactions which lead to self-disturbed suffering. In this way, one’s consequences (accountability) are dependent upon fulfilment of one’s duty.
We all make choices. When thinking about this fact, I’m reminded of legendary lyricist E-40’s 2014 song “Choices (Yup).” According to one source:
In the song’s hook, E-40 generalizes that every person has choices to make, and that he is getting money. In the verses he presents scenarios and/or questions and then gives his own answer, with it being either “yup” or “nope”.
As an example, E-40 questions, “You softer than a sock?” as the background responds, “Nope.” He then asks, “You solid as a rock?” as the background answers, “Yup.” The chorus then reminds the listener that, “Everybody got choices. Keep it one thou’ ‘bout the life that I chose.”
In hip hop, keeping things “one hunnid” or “one hundred” represents attainment of the highest order, like earning a 100 on an exam when that’s the highest possible score. E-40 takes this expression to a hyperbolic level by expressing that he keeps it “one thou’” or “one thousand.”
Rather than being soft, which implies succumbing to self-disturbance, the lyricist promotes being “solid as a rock.” This is what Stoicism is about. It isn’t about pretending to be tough. Also, it isn’t about burying emotions in a proverbial box within one’s mind.
Contrarily, Stoicism acknowledges that we all make our choices. These choices create the “life that I chose” element of “Choices (Yup).” E-40 plausibly doesn’t suggest that he chooses events, though the beliefs which he chooses create his consequential experience in life.
This matter is also reflective of the “road” about which Mike spoke. The choices we make in response to undesirable events can make a significant difference in life.
And just as Mike explained to Saul, once a decision has been made and the event transitions to the past, “nothing can be done about that.” We cannot alter what lies behind us on our path.
However, we can move from where we are in this moment and going forward. Stoicism, which is incorporated into REBT, is a method of helping an individual to walk in an upright manner along a path riddled with imperfection, traumatic experiences, and difficult events.
Some individuals may consider the practice of Stoicism as little more than “Stoic bullshitting.” Regarding this, and in remembrance of Ellis, I think they’re fallible, misinformed people who are doing the wrong thing—but they may be nice to the older population, including people like Mike.
Perhaps you’ve misunderstood Stoicism and the current blogpost has provided clarity regarding the matter. If this helpful practice sounds like something in which you may be interested, I’m here to help you learn more.
In the end, we all make our choices in this life. What will you choose? Will you choose to be softer than a sock? Will you choose to be solid as a rock? Yup? Nope? “Everybody got choices.”
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
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