Earlier, when eating, I listened to an electronic dance music (EDM) DJ set by Valentina Aguiar. As a matter unrelated to the content of this blogpost, I appreciate that Aguiar actually mixed the music in her video rather than merely fronting as though she was spinning tracks. Yet, I digress.
One of the songs featured during her set was “The Savior (Extended Mix)” by Rafael Cerato and Stylo. Lyrics of the track include, “I will be there; I’ll be your savior.” When thinking about the interpreted meaning of that line, I was reminded of a discussion I once had with someone.
Many years ago, a former friend of mine discussed with me the potential of her having a “savior complex” which one source describes thusly:
In psychology, a savior complex is an attitude and demeanor in which a person believes they are responsible for assisting other people. A person with a savior complex will often experience empathic episodes and commit to impulsive decisions such as volunteering, donating, or advocating for a cause. A person with the complex will usually make an attempt to assist or continue to assist even if they are not helpful or are detrimental to the situation, others, or themselves.
Although I don’t devote much attention to contemporary terms regarding a seemingly never-ending assortment of supposed psychological afflictions, I understand why my friend concluded that she may experience a savior complex. Describing this individual’s actions, one source states:
The underlying belief of these individuals is: “It is the noble thing to do.” They believe they are somehow better than others because they help people all the time without getting anything back. While motives may or may not be pure, their actions are not helpful to all involved.
The problem is that trying to “save” someone does not allow the other individual to take responsibility for his or her own actions and to develop internal motivation. Therefore, the positive (or negative) changes may only be temporary.
No matter how frequently I demonstrated to my friend that her actions deprived people of personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”), and how detrimental her behavior was, she continued on with her careless Jehovian behavior masked as a savior complex.
Considering “The Savior (Extended Mix),” it was as though my friend believed that she should, must, or ought to have helped people at any cost. In essence, it’s as though she maintained, “I will be there; I’ll be your savior” even when doing so deprived people of personal ownership.
Having been taught doctrine of the Jehovah’s Witnesses as a child and later having converted to the Church of Christ, I understood the role my friend occupied. Whether referring to Him as Jesus, Yeshua, the Messiah, or whomever, my friend was acting like the Savior of humankind.
When thinking more about this matter as I ate lunch, I was also reminded of an Ice Cube track called “When I Get to Heaven,” from his historic 1993 album Lethal Injection. The introduction of the song unfolds thusly:
Ice Cube: [sounds of outdoors, as a dog barks and vehicles are heard in the distance] Damn, so you still out here waitin’, huh?
Man: Mhmm.
Ice Cube: So you don’t mind if I go on and take this watch and, uh, car keys?
Man: No. Jesus’ll give me another one.
Ice Cube: Alright then, cool. [sound of a car starting and then driving away]
In high school, I used to laugh when hearing the introduction. After all, it was around that time in my life when a youth minister informed the youth group of which I was a member that Jesus had already executed his second coming.
In a blogpost entitled Critical Thinking, I carefully outlined this matter. Still, I think that sharing my memory of the youth minister may be more illustrative than mere citation of biblical passages which I used in that post. If memory serves, the youth minister’s example was thus:
Okay, how many of you think Jesus is coming back to Earth for a second time? Raise your hands. All right, I see everyone is convinced there’ll be a second coming. Let me ask you this, how many times I have I entered this classroom today? This isn’t a trick question.
Right! Once. [he then proceeded to leave and then reenter the classroom] Now, how many times have I entered this classroom? Again, this isn’t a trick question. That’s right! Twice. I came in once this morning before beginning the class, I exited just now, and I then reentered the room. That’s twice.
In the Bible, we learn that Jesus came to Earth when being born, right? That was once. At some point in His 30s, Jesus died. He went away. We learn that He then descended into Hades. After that, He was resurrected when coming back to Earth. That makes how many times? Twice!
I laughed at the Ice Cube track, because I’d known people who were waiting for a savior – or rather, waiting on the Savior – when Jesus’ second coming had already occurred. Thus, many people appeared to anticipate the act of being saved while needlessly suffering until then.
Earlier, when finishing my lunch, I thought about my former friend’s so-called “savior complex,” Jesus’ apparent second coming having supposedly already occurred, and my approach to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). The following was my conclusion.
REBT serves as a humanistic approach to the care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health. This method focuses on empowerment of the self to achieve personal growth by honoring self-determination and autonomy while valuing personal agency and ownership.
Stated in a way without use of academese, REBT teaches self-reliance of a person who remains capable of altering outcomes for oneself. You don’t have to wait on someone else to save you from the suffering that you experience now. You can save yourself from self-disturbed agony.
Waiting for a savior is fine, if that’s what you choose to do. However, I prefer to save myself from unpleasant consequences which are created from irrational beliefs about activating events. If you’d like to know more about how to humanistically save yourself, I’m here to assist.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop and EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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Aguiar, V. [@valentinaaguiardj]. Valentina Aguiar [Official YouTube channel]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7_hUED5gB-xRNQrobDkQ2Q
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Apple Music. (n.d.). Stylo. Apple, Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/in/artist/stylo/1407020977
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