There’s an ongoing trend that I’ve observed over the last couple of years on the Daily Mail website—a British daily middle-market tabloid newspaper with an online presence—by which celebrities appear to be vying for attention—competing to gain the focus or notice of others.
Presumably, such behavior suggests that these individuals are in competition with other celebrities to establish value—relative worth, utility, or importance. For instance, an aging celebrity in her 60s will have multiple pieces written about her which suggest she’s attractive.
One imagines that if someone or something is relatively attractive then there’s no need to comment on the obvious. Yet, I’ve seen many such stories on the website. As well, a once popular male celebrity will have various stories posted about his sexual exploits.
One imagines that such actions speak to sexual value signaling—the act of an individual intentionally displaying a behavior or attribute to convey sensual information about oneself to others. This may be done in the interest of increasing one’s ability to acquire sexual partners.
Personally, this form of look-at-me behavior is off-putting. Of course, I’m not self-disturbed by irrational beliefs regarding this matter, in view of the ABC model of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). I’ll provide an REBT example of what I mean in a moment.
When contemplating this matter, I’m reminded of the 2020 album Floor Seats II by rapper FERG (formerly A$AP Ferg). In particular, the chorus of “Value” comes to mind. Lyrics include, “Look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me now!” Now, I’ll address REBT.
REBT theory maintains that when an unexpected Action occurs and a person uses an irrational Belief about the situation, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the undesirable circumstance that causes unpleasant cognitive, emotive, sensational, and behavioral effects as Consequences.
As an example, when I view Daily Mail content in which celebrities are apparently vying for attention as a means of ostensibly proving to themselves and others their own value (Action), I helpfully Believe, “People preferably shouldn’t outsource their value to others.”
Using a preferential should self-narrative of this sort causes the Consequence of mild disappointment (also known as the experience of an off-putting reaction). I’m content with being disappointed, because this is a fundamental component of a fallible human being’s experience.
If my assumptions about such online content were truly self-disturbing to me, then I could easily not engage with the Daily Mail website. Ultimately, I find entertainment in regard to the online material far more than I experience disappointment. Thus, the Daily Mail has value to me.
Alternatively, if you observe desperate celebrities presumably posting thirst traps via public relationships personnel (Action) and you unhelpfully Believe, “People absolutely shouldn’t outsource their value to others,” then you may experience anger (Consequence).
Use of an absolutistic should self-narrative of this sort causes more than tolerable and acceptable disappointment. Unfavorably inflexible demands of this variety are what lead to self-upset that may result in people taking to the comment section of Daily Mail and denouncing celebrities.
Rather than remaining self-disturbed, an individual is invited to try Disputation which may lead to an Effective new belief that’s used in place of an unproductive self-narrative. With the ABC model, a person learns to stop needless suffering which is caused by unhelpful assumptions.
Although I’m off-put by look-at-me behavior, I’m not under any illusion that other individuals may presume that the content I post within my blog represents similar material. After all, I’ve posted many photos of and anecdotes about me for others to mentally consume.
Whether people are disappointed, angry, or otherwise about the content I post, I unconditionally accept that claims may be leveled against me regarding the potential that I’m outsourcing my value to others in a look-at-me fashion. I can appreciate this perceived critique of my behavior.
In any case, what do you think about value as I’ve outlined this topic herein? Noteworthy, the current blogpost isn’t intended to conflate value with values, as I stated in a blog entry entitled Values, “Simply stated, values are those concepts which retain subjective worth.”
The latter relates to sets of guiding principles and beliefs while people hold dear, shaping their decisions and behavior, and that essentially defines what they consider good or bad in their lives. It’s akin to how morality determines what is thought of as good or bad relating to behavior.
Notably, value is merely a notion of worth. With this understanding, you can choose to upset yourself with unfavorable beliefs about the outsourcing of value to others. You can also simply not engage with such matters and live your own life. The choice is yours to make.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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