Do you think of your ability to try something as that which relates to a helpful tool? If not, how about the ability to T.ransform R.igid Y.earning (T.R.Y.) as something worthy of consideration? Herein, I’ll try to influence your opinion by promoting this perspective shift technique.
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is a psychotherapeutic modality that functions as a self-help method for rational living. As a tool, there are two main components of REBT that allow people to stop upsetting themselves and which may reduce unnecessary suffering.
First, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, if you’re bitten by an Okinawa habu snake (Action), you may experience nausea, vomiting, hypotension, and possibly death (Consequence). From an A-C perspective, a venomous pit viper’s bite can cause unpleasant effects.
However, if when bitten (Action) you unproductively Believe, “This shouldn’t happen to me,” then you’ll likely disturb yourself into a sorrowful disposition (Consequence). From a B-C perspective, you may cause yourself unnecessary emotional suffering due to an assumption.
Second, this helpful psychotherapeutic modality uses the technique of unconditional acceptance to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
As well, in my approach to REBT I use a modified version of Stephen Covey’s concept regarding circles of influence. In a blogpost entitled Healthy Concern, I carefully outlined the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as the area of no concern.
In specific, only one individual occupies the circle of control. For instance, I can control only myself – and to a limited degree (e.g., I can’t stop my heartbeat with nothing more than the ability of mind).
Outside of this circle is the circle of influence and it largely relates to people with whom an individual has contact. As an example, if you’ve come across this blog entry you are now within my circle of influence and I may be able to persuade you, though I have no control over you.
Beyond this circle is the circle of concern which encapsulates almost everything else imaginable. For instance, the past, environmental change, wars waged abroad, the galaxy, and other elements over which I have no control or influence are placed in this circle.
Then, there’s the area of no concern and this realm covers information about which I haven’t yet imagined or which is fundamentally unverifiable. I suppose I could give examples, though as soon as I do the content becomes imaginable and transitions into the circle of concern.
In any case, it’s worth noting that I practice REBT in my personal and professional life. I understand, believe in, and practice this model of wellness on a daily basis. This is done rigorously though not rigidly.
When working with new clients, some people express a yearning to achieve their idealized interests and goals for behavioral health care. For example, a person may state that through treatment or management of their issues the individual would like to attain perpetual joy.
I then temper expectations through use of psychoeducation. A reduction in disturbance doesn’t necessarily equate to an increase in happiness. To better understand this point, consider the following ABC model scenario and consider whether or not the goal is realistic:
Action – You’ve just received word that your infant child has died.
Belief – “This shouldn’t have happened and is the most terrible thing imaginable, as I can’t stand going on in life without my child, because an existence without my baby isn’t worth living!”
Consequence – Because of this self-narrative which uses all major self-disturbing beliefs, you feel sorrow and you feel tightness in your chest, your legs give out and you fall to the ground, and you cry inconsolably while contemplating suicide.
Goal – Rather than self-disturbing into a miserable state, you’d rather experience unending joy and pleasure.
I find it absurd, though not impossible, to imagine who would achieve joy and pleasure when receiving news about the death of one’s own infant child. Therefore, it’s unlikely that REBT would be well-suited for the expressed goal in the above scenario.
Because a reduction in disturbance doesn’t essentially parallel with an increase in happiness, I invite new clients to consider that rather than being disturbed, sometimes annoyance, frustration, disappointment, and other outcomes may be more appropriate in a given situation.
In the truly undesirable event of an infant child’s death, fear, anger, sorrow, and disgust all seem fitting. In my approach to REBT, grief isn’t a pathological condition and it’s a proper response to a situation like the one depicted in the above scenario.
The psychoeducational lesson I’ve briefly provided here is similar to one I would use with a new client. Understanding that something like disappointment may be attainable and could perhaps better suit one’s interests and goals, rather than disturbance, is worth considering.
Likewise, comprehension about one’s own limited influence in life is an important lesson for new clients. To demonstrate this in visual form, consider the following image:
I have limited control of myself and may have limited ability to influence you as a reader. Although I’m aware that my skills as a writer are lacking, I’m using what control I do have to poorly write blogposts in order to try to influence your understanding of REBT.
Suppose you comprehend the message I’m trying to convey and you tell others about this post. They read it and share the information with other people. Someone among that number then reaches out to me via the contact portal of my website and tries to influence me to stop writing.
Whether or not I’ll be disturbed or disappointed by the individual’s attempt to discourage me is entirely up to the beliefs I use in regard to the action. Imagine that I inflexibly yearn to function as a proficient writer and maintain rigidity of assumption about my writing ability.
I may unhelpfully believe, “People must appreciate my writing and under no circumstance whatsoever should my message be unclear!” Yearning for perfection, as I’m a fallible human being, may not serve my interests and goals regarding the spread information about REBT.
Therefore, I can instead T.ransform R.igid Y.earning into flexible preference. In the above image, I’ve centered the word “try” in between my limited control and influence.
Thus, I’m not demanding to be perceived as a well-articulated purveyor of REBT information. Rather, I try to influence people with the limited skills I have. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail, and quite often no one even reads the information I post in my blog.
Still, I unconditionally accept each of these outcomes. In my healthy perspective, I’ve succeeded regardless of outcome. This is because I T.R.Y. Transforming rigid yearning is a personal goal. I’ve succeeded already! Using this productive approach, I then try to influence others.
If others never read my posts or if people provide negative feedback, I can be disappointed rather than disturbed. Thus, I start from a place of success and end in a similar fashion.
Perhaps you’ve grown accustomed to self-disturbance through use of rigid yearning for unrealistic outcomes. The tools described herein may better serve your interests and goals. Also, if you’d like to know more about REBT, I’m here to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Hollings, D. (2024, August 7). Awfulizing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/awfulizing
Hollings, D. (2024, May 30). Behavioral health care. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/behavioral-health-care
Hollings, D. (2022, May 17). Circle of concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/circle-of-concern
Hollings, D. (2024, March 19). Consequences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/consequences
Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2024, May 11). Fallible human being. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fallible-human-being
Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations
Hollings, D. (2024, April 13). Goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/goals
Hollings, D. (2023, December 26). Happiness is a trap. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/happiness-is-a-trap
Hollings, D. (2024, August 9). Healthy concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/healthy-concern
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2024, January 2). Interests and goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/interests-and-goals
Hollings, D. (2023, May 18). Irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance
Hollings, D. (2024, April 22). On disputing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-disputing
Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings
Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation
Hollings, D. (2023, September 15). Psychotherapeutic modalities. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapeutic-modalities
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2024, May 15). Rational living. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-living
Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous
Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2024, June 5). Self-help. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-help
Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation
Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought
Hollings, D. (2024, February 27). Suffering, struggling, and battling vs. experiencing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/suffering-struggling-and-battling-vs-experiencing
Hollings, D. (2022, November 9). The ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-abc-model
Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2024, June 19). Treatment vs. management. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/treatment-vs-management
Hollings, D. (2022, July 11). Unconditional acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, February 25). Unconditional other-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-other-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2024, January 16). Understanding, belief, and practice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/understanding-belief-and-practice
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Stephen Covey. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Covey
Comments