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To Try Is My Goal

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • Feb 28
  • 6 min read

 

Imagine that I wanted to become a rock climber, though I didn’t apply myself regarding this aim. When failing to achieve success, I could take personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for my lack of achievement. I’ll say more on this in a bit.

 

When I first began the informal practice of life coaching in 1991, I didn’t understand the distinction between interests and goals. Whereas an interest (desire) is defined as the state of wanting to do something, a goal (objective) is the end toward which effort is directed.

 

All I knew is that I had a desire to help people. Given that I was in junior high school when I began giving advice to other children and even adults, my objective related to accomplishing the task of improving outcomes for people. Yet, this was a shortsighted approach to helping others.

 

To understand why I maintain that helping people rather than merely trying to help people was impractical, I invite you to understand the difference between logic and reason. Logic is the interrelation or sequence of facts or events when seen as inevitable or predictable.

 

Reason is a statement offered in explanation or justification. Noteworthy, a proposition may follow logical form while not serving as reasonable. To illustrate this matter, consider the following syllogistic example:

 

Form (modus ponens) –

If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

 

Example –

If I want to help people, then they must be helped by me. I want to help people. Therefore, they must be helped by me.

 

That which is considered rational empirically must remain in accordance with both logic and reason. Although my syllogistic example follows logic form, it isn’t reasonable. This is because I’ve used an absolutistic must premise which serves as a form of irrational demandingness.

 

Suppose that when rigidly demanding I must help person X, this individual refuses my assistance or simply acknowledges a desire to receive help while simultaneously self-sabotaging when I provide help. Using my inflexible irrational belief, I’d experience self-disturbance.

 

“I want to help people,” I may rationally maintain when considering my interest. However, “People must be helped by me,” I then irrationally conclude when using demandingness. Thus, when person X doesn’t receive the help that I demand, my uncompromising belief is violated.

 

Through the perspective of the ABC model, regarding Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), people upset themselves when using illogical and unreasonable beliefs about undesirable events. Thus, an unrealized goal to help people isn’t what causes self-disturbance.

 

Instead, what people believe about such situations is what results in unpleasant cognitive, emotive, sensational, and behavioral outcomes. Rather than using an irrational proposition, imagine that I used a rational goal that was more aligned with my interest:

 

Form (modus ponens) –

If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

 

Example –

If I want to help people, then I will try to help them. I want to help people. Therefore, I will try to help them.

 

My interest is to help and my goal is to try to assist others. Suppose that when flexibly trying to help person X, this individual refuses my assistance or simply acknowledges a desire to receive help while simultaneously self-sabotaging when I provide help. Would I then self-disturb? No.

 

My goal is to simply try to help person X, though not to guarantee that I absolutistically must or will be successful with this objective. Therefore, by merely trying to assist others, my goal is accomplished. Therefore, to try is my goal. Using one last syllogism, consider the following:

 

Form (constructive dilemma) –

If p, then q; and if r, then s; but either p or r; therefore, either q or s.

 

Example –

If I must help people, then I’ll self-disturb when they self-sabotage and don’t get better. And if I’ll try to help people, then I won’t self-disturb when they self-sabotage and don’t get better. But either I must help people or I’ll try to help people. Therefore, either I’ll self-disturb when they self-sabotage and don’t get better or I won’t self-disturb when they self-sabotage and don’t get better.

 

Long since having first informally practiced life coaching, I became a psychotherapist and discovered that advice-giving tended only to help people feel better. However, that approach to assisting others was short-lived. Thus, I shifted my goal to helping people get better.

 

Still, although my shifted goal was well-intentioned, I self-disturbed when people didn’t actually get better. Therefore, I again adjusted my objective. Now, to try is my goal. Using this strategy, I achieve success even if person X doesn’t apply oneself in order to get better.

 

Given the rational perspective outlined herein, I take personal ownership for my own success or failure. Likewise, the clients with whom I work can take personal responsibility and accountability for their own achievements or letdowns. Personally, to try is my goal. And you?

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

 

References:

 

Hollings, D. (2024, July 9). Absolutistic should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/absolutistic-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, October 29). Cognitive continuum. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/cognitive-continuum

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Empirical should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/empirical-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2024, January 2). Interests and goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/interests-and-goals

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2023, January 8). Logic and reason. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/logic-and-reason

Hollings, D. (2024, June 2). Nonadaptive behavior. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/nonadaptive-behavior

Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings

Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, March 14). REBT and emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-and-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2022, December 1). Self-sabotage. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-sabotage

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation

Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought

Hollings, D. (2023, October 17). Syllogism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/syllogism

Hollings, D. (2023, April 9). The advice that never was. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-advice-that-never-was

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

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