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Writer's pictureDeric Hollings

This May Be Why You Aren't Getting Better

 

One main objective of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is to help people actually get better rather than to merely feel better. This is because the experience of feeling better may be short-lived while the process of actually getting better tends to be a longer lasting experience.

 

Whether when working one-on-one with clients for pay or providing psychoeducational lessons within my blog for free, I invite people to consider that the process of getting better often requires discomfort. Thus, routine practice of REBT doesn’t necessarily feel pleasing at times.

 

In general, there are two main psychotherapeutic techniques offered by REBT: the ABC model and unconditional acceptance. The former addresses how the process of self-disturbance occurs while the latter serves as a means of reducing self-disturbed suffering.

 

Additionally, my approach to REBT centers on an individual’s circles of control, influence, and concern while advocating personal responsibility and accountability for one’s own unhelpful reaction to displeasing events. Also, I invite people to consider some philosophical lessons.

 

Namely, I encourage individuals to ponder the tenets of Stoicism while also introducing concepts of existentialism which may enhance the practice of REBT. In particular, the establishment of purpose and meaning may facilitate success with one’s psychotherapeutic interests and goals.

 

Of course, I’m aware that what I’ve outlined thus far seems like an overly simplistic method of rational living. Could understanding of, belief in, and frequent practice of REBT truly be as easy as I suggest?

 

If this is what you’re wondering, I invite you to consider that you’re asking a question that isn’t actually inferred in anything I’ve written herein. After all, I’ve not attempted to persuade you that REBT is an easy matter at all. In fact, I’ve invited you to consider that it’s challenging.

 

Nevertheless, I’ve lost count of how frequently I’ve heard some version of, “Yeah, but practicing REBT is hard.” In other words, “Yes, this psychotherapeutic modality could significantly benefit my life, but I rigidly and unhelpfully demand that getting better must be an easy process!”

 

This may be why you aren’t getting better. To understand how this self-disturbing belief is sabotaging your success with REBT, consider the following syllogism:

 

Form (modus ponens) –

If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

 

Premise 1: If p, then q.

 

Premise 2: Affirm p.

 

Conclusion: Conclude q.

 

Bear in mind that the premises in an argument, proposition, or belief of this form will always lead to the conclusion. This is the case even when the premises aren’t true.

 

Equally important, in order to be considered rational the argument, proposition, or belief empirically must remain in accordance with both logic and reason. (More on that in a bit.)

 

Example –

If I’m going to practice REBT, then REBT absolutely must be easy.

 

I’m going to practice REBT.

 

Therefore, REBT absolutely must be easy.

 

Moments ago, I inferred that in order to be empirically rational, an argument, proposition, or belief must remain in accordance with both logic and reason. The syllogistic example I used herein follows logical form. However, do you consider the premises to be true statements?

 

Why must REBT be easy in order for you to practice this modality? Is it solely because you demand it? Although your inflexible belief about getting better may seem reasonable to you, do you maintain that other people would concur with your rigid assumption? I, for one, don’t.

 

Doubtlessly, there are plenty of psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, social workers, therapists, and clinicians of other sorts who would agree with your irrational belief. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand the perverse incentive inherent in this therapeutic dynamic.

 

Therapist X wants your money. You believe that therapy must be easy. Therapist X agrees with you so that you’ll feel better, though you won’t actually get better, as the perverse incentive is that you’ll continue paying in order to feel better while having your irrational beliefs validated.

 

This may be why you aren’t getting better. You irrationally demand that psychotherapy must be easy. And when you come across a professional REBT practitioner, your illogical and unreasonable nonsense is challenged. As such, you experience discomfort.

 

Discomfort doesn’t feel better than having your money taken by therapist X who will unhelpfully validate the absurdity of mind which you bring to session. Therefore, you won’t actually get better, because you seek an easy experience. So, you’ll lose money and remain self-disturbed.

 

Ultimately, it’s your argument, proposition, or belief that holds you back from success with your psychotherapeutic interests and goals. All the while, in the recesses of your mind, you likely understand that getting better versus merely feeling better would actually serve you in the end.

 

Then again, if you’re foolish enough to remain wed to the self-disturbing belief that therapy must be easy, you may very well remain determined to stay in a therapeutic process that does little more than placate the bullshit to which you’re accustomed. If such is the case, then so be it.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


 

References:

 

Benzoix. (n.d.). Young woman facing disaster, looking anxious in panic, holding hands on head frustrated, standing over beige background [Image]. Freepik. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/young-woman-facing-disaster-looking-anxious-panic-holding-hands-head-frustrated-standing-beige-background_22453933.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=29&uuid=1a12aef1-c030-4995-84e9-de84cc21f862

Hollings, D. (2024, May 22). A philosophical approach to mental health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-philosophical-approach-to-mental-health

Hollings, D. (2024, October 18). ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/abc-model

Hollings, D. (2024, July 9). Absolutistic should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/absolutistic-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, November 15). Assumptions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/assumptions

Hollings, D. (2022, May 17). Circle of concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/circle-of-concern

Hollings, D. (2024, July 11). Concern and no concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/concern-and-no-concern

Hollings, D. (2023, April 22). Control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/control

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

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Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2024, January 2). Interests and goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/interests-and-goals

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2022, June 23). Meaningful purpose. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/meaningful-purpose

Hollings, D. (2023, September 20). No B.S. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/no-b-s

Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings

Hollings, D. (2023, April 24). On truth. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-truth

Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership

Hollings, D. (2024, February 10). Perverse incentives. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/perverse-incentives

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation

Hollings, D. (2023, September 15). Psychotherapeutic modalities. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapeutic-modalities

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, May 15). Rational living. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-living

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2022, December 1). Self-sabotage. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-sabotage

Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Stoicism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stoicism

Hollings, D. (2023, October 17). Syllogism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/syllogism

Hollings, D. (2023, September 6). The absence of suffering. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-absence-of-suffering

Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux

Hollings, D. (2024, January 16). Understanding, belief, and practice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/understanding-belief-and-practice

Hollings, D. (2023, November 23). Validation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/validation

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