Not long ago, I came across a Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) website in which one person stated, “The past is passed.’ So said Albert Ellis.” Unfortunately, I can’t locate from where this quote originates. Still, I’ve discovered one source from 1877 that stated:
Some one has said that “the golden hours, studded each with its set of sixty diamond minutes, are fleeting by.” It is our duty to see that they do not elude our grasp. Once lost, they are lost forever.
When time is lost in the morning, we may chase it all day afterward,—but in vain. It is never recovered. We should, therefore, always look to the present moment, without wasting time in useless regrets for the past or in idle anticipations for the future that may never be realized.
The past is passed—gone forever; the future is uncertain; the present is all that we possess, and only one moment at a time. We should therefore make a good use of what is ours, and not allow it to become a cause of future and unavailing regret.
I appreciate this existentialist perspective, as I frequently remind the people with whom I work to consider that life is impermanent and uncertain, every living being will inevitably die, and that life can be lived only in the present. These are important elements for REBT practice.
In particular, when using the ABC model and unconditional acceptance, REBT practitioners tend not to focus too much on the past. Why? The past is passed. Expanding upon this matter, one REBT source states (page 22):
[REBT] de-emphasizes the value of understanding acquisition variables in helping clients change. Rather, it stresses the importance of understanding how people perpetuate their psychological problems.
This is because the theory hypothesizes that while past events may well have contributed to clients’ psychological disturbance, these did not make them disturbed, since people bring their tendency to make themselves disturbed to these events and experiences.
Thus, clients who come to therapy in order to trace their psychological problems back to their roots tend not to benefit greatly from the present-centered and future-orientated focus of [REBT].
Clients who are prepared to look for and challenge their currently held irrational beliefs do much better in [REBT] than clients who are preoccupied with discovering how they came to hold such beliefs in the first place.
Consider that I offer an up-to 50-minute session per client. There are enough problems occurring in the present than to waste time discussing matters which unfolded years ago. In the interest of time, it’s wise to show people how to un-disturb themselves now and moving forward.
Therefore, I assist clients with understanding how they tend to make themselves disturbed in the present – about the past, present, and future – and I strive to illustrate how self-disturbance doesn’t serve them well. Regarding this matter, I said in a blogpost entitled It’s In the Past:
Likewise, practicing unconditional life-acceptance may serve you well. The theory underlying this REBT technique posits that life is fallible, the past is unalterable, and that placing rigid conditions on what has already transpired will likely lead to self-disturbance.
While actions of the past may’ve hurt during the moment in which they occurred, we needlessly suffer in the present when tormenting ourselves with irrational beliefs. Therefore, we can learn from unfortunate events of yesterday so that we hopefully don’t repeat mistakes of old.
However, most matters in this life are beyond our control and influence. As such, we flexibly approach the present and future with learned lessons—and do so without needlessly disturbing ourselves with silly notions about life.
I understand that some people have a flawed perspective about psychotherapy and how tirelessly discussing the past may somehow resolve one’s issues in the present. However, this notion doesn’t bear out in practice, literature, or research.
As civilizations of old have remnants of their existence in the present, it may be unwise to currently seek shelter in dilapidated ruins of yesteryear. Likewise, memories of yesterday aren’t worth dwelling on when one currently experiences elements of life which require immediate focus.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
AEI. (n.d.). About Albert Ellis, Ph.D. Albert Ellis Institute. Retrieved from https://albertellis.org/about-albert-ellis-phd/
Dryden, W. (1990). Creativity in rational-emotive therapy. Gale Centre Publications. Retrieved from https://dokumen.pub/qdownload/creativity-in-rational-emotive-therapy-1870258126-9781870258128.html
Freed, K. (2024, February 2). I thought on “Once it happened, it had to happen – the logic of acceptance.” REBTDoctor. Retrieved from https://rebtdoctor.com/once-it-happened-it-had-to-happen-the-logic-of-acceptance/
Freepik. (n.d.). Temple architecture from ancient Greek civilization [Image]. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-ai-image/temple-architecture-from-ancient-greek-civilization_236202432.htm#fromView=search&page=7&position=46&uuid=173df722-b04f-4133-b1ac-50ace5df30a2&query=past
Hollings, D. (2022, May 17). Circle of concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/circle-of-concern
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Existentialism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/existentialism
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2024, October 21). Impermanence and uncertainty. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/impermanence-and-uncertainty
Hollings, D. (2022, August 31). Iss-me vs. iss-you. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/iss-me-vs-iss-you
Hollings, D. (2024, January 11). It’s in the past. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/it-s-in-the-past
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2023, November 25). No ragrets. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/no-ragrets
Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings
Hollings, D. (2023, November 23). Problems. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/problems
Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Recommendatory should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/recommendatory-should-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous
Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2023, August 6). The science. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-science
Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model
Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux
Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance
Notre Dame Scholastic. (1877, December 8). Volume XI. Notre Dame, Indiana, December 8, 1877. Number 15. University of Notre Dame. Retrieved from https://archives.nd.edu/Scholastic/VOL_0011/VOL_0011_ISSUE_0015.pdf
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