A paradox is a statement that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common sense and yet is perhaps true. Paradoxes aren’t necessarily rational—in accordance with logic and reason—though they are nevertheless based on perceivably sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts.
When using Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) in my personal and professional life, I encounter paradoxes quite often. For instance, consider what one source states of the Jourdain’s Card Paradox:
Suppose there is a card with statements printed on both sides:
Front: The sentence on the other side of this card is TRUE.
Back: The sentence on the other side of this card is FALSE.
1. If the first statement is true, then so is the second. But if the second statement is true, then the first statement is false. It follows that if the first statement is true, then the first statement is false.
2. If the first statement is false, then the second is false, too. But if the second statement is false, then the first statement is true. It follows that if the first statement is false, then the first statement is true.
Hence trying to assign a truth value to either of them leads to a paradox!
To provide an example of the Jourdain’s Card Paradox in syllogistic form, consider the following:
Form (modus ponens) –
If p, then q; p; therefore, q.
Example –
If the sentence on one side of a card is true (p), then the sentence on the other side of the card is false (q). The sentence on one side of a card is true (p). Therefore, the sentence on the other side of the card is false (q).
Although the major premise (p) may be valid, the minor premise (q) invalidates the major proposition. Therefore, while the Jourdain’s Card Paradox follows a logical form, it isn’t reasonable, as it creates a paradox.
This essentially means that a paradox isn’t particularly rational even if it abides by common sense—sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts. Alas, common since isn’t entirely rational. A paradox effectively demonstrates this phenomenon.
Regarding REBT, the ABC model illustrates how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, suppose that when selecting a card for the Jourdain’s Card Paradox, you accidentally receive a papercut (Action). From an A-C perspective, a sliced finger may result in a bleeding incident (Consequence).
Still, if when bleeding (Action) you unhelpfully Believe, “That shouldn’t have happened to me,” then you’ll likely disturb yourself into an angry disposition (Consequence). From a B-C perspective, people disturb themselves with unfavorable attitudes about life.
Thus, when practicing REBT in a professional capacity, I try to help people to stop upsetting themselves through use of B-C connections, though I can’t fully resolve their A-C connections. Ultimately, I can’t prevent all papercuts or other undesirable life events.
Additionally, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
Concerning a hip hop-influenced paradox whereby a lack of UA results in self-disturbance, I turn to the Statik Selektah song “Critically Acclaimed,” featuring Lil Fame of M.O.P., Saigon, and the late Sean Price. On the track, Price states, “I don’t like myself and I hate bein’ disturbed.”
Evoking the Jourdain’s Card Paradox, imagine that one side of a card states “unconditionally accept yourself in order not to disturb yourself.” The flipside of the card says “accept yourself only under specific conditions.”
Advocacy for USA is a path to reduce suffering, which in this example is something the late Sean Price perceivably desired. However, the reverse side of the card advocates use of a conditional should statement that is antithetical to USA, as Price hates being disturbed.
A conditional should narrative expresses that only when specific conditions are met will a person accept oneself, others, or life in general. As an example, “I’ll accept myself only if I don’t make mistakes; otherwise, I’m unworthy of acceptance, so I should be perfect.”
The core component of USA is the unconditional aspect of this healthy psychotherapeutic technique. If one wants to be free from self-disturbance, practice of UA is a helpful starting point.
Contrarily, conditional should beliefs have a countering effect on UA, because rigid conditions which may never be satisfied prevent one from leading as healthy a life as otherwise attainable without such conditions. Thus, self-disturbance can be expected with use of the latter.
In the case of Price, he expressly hated being disturbed. Likewise, he outright admitted that he didn’t like himself. Presuming that whether or not he liked or loved himself, he could’ve at least accepted himself, Price wouldn’t have been disturbed.
However, I imagine that liking or loving himself had little to do with self-disturbance. Rather, I suspect that because the late rapper ostensibly didn’t accept his fallibility, Price ultimately disturbed himself.
Given this framing of the matter, the paradox of hating to be disturbed was created. The late Sean Price apparently hated to be disturbed, though he paradoxically self-disturbed when not practicing USA.
Although irrational paradoxes of this variety exist in life, they don’t have to serve as a perpetual mechanism for self-disturbance. Therefore, I advocate use of the ABC model and unconditional self-, other-, and life-acceptance as a means of reducing overall disturbance.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
Photo credit, photographer: Scott Heins, fair use
References:
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