Take note of what time it is right now, at this very moment. (Doing so will come in handy later on.)
In 2004, I sat alone in a pickup truck listening to KWTS 91.1 FM, a college radio station owned and operated by the West Texas A&M University. As part of my responsibilities in the field of nuclear security, I was required to remain vigilant for potential threats to asset protection.
However, sitting alone in a truck and staring into an empty field for hours on end was downright boring and my attention wandered. Each moment passed incredibly slowly. Then, a college DJ announced that she’d be playing a relatively new song upon her return from a brief break.
I was intrigued, because much of the rock music featured that hour was new to me already. “I’m gonna hear something that even the seasoned listeners in the audience haven’t heard,” I thought, “This could be interesting.”
After the short break, the DJ announced the song “C’mon C’mon” from The Von Bondies. It was the only track I’d ever heard from the group and remains as my favorite song from them. The first verse states:
On another day; c’mon c’mon
With these ropes I tied, can we do no wrong
Now we grieve, ‘cause now is gone
Things were good when we were young
One imagines that the tied ropes referenced in the song represent constraint to the current moment, unable to alter the past. Then, upon this realization, that moment slips away and the singer grieves about how what was once “now” is gone.
Perhaps lamentably, the artist describes better days of the past which are no more. When I think about this interpretation of the song, I consider the technique of unconditional acceptance (UA) which is used in Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).
In particular, UA can relieve suffering when earnestly practiced. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).
Through use of USA, an individual acknowledges one’s own fallibility and admits how little control one has in life. With use of UOA, a person concedes that other people are also flawed while granting how little influence one has in regard to other individuals.
When practicing ULA, one admits that life itself is imperfect while further accepting without unhelpful conditions how little control and influence one has regarding most matters in life. Concerning “C’mon C’mon,” the singer could use ULA in regard to grief about the past.
However, the pre-chorus states:
With my teeth locked down, I could see the blood
Of a thousand men who have come and gone
Now we grieve, ‘cause now is gone
Things were good when we were young
This portion of the song suggests an agonizing ordeal. Regarding this matter, I consider the REBT technique known as the ABC model.
REBT theory maintains that when an unexpected Action occurs and a person uses an irrational Belief about the situation, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the undesirable circumstance that causes unpleasant emotional, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
For instance, when reflecting upon an elusive past with a thousand men who’ve come and gone before him (Action), the singer of “C’mon, C’mon” may unfavorably Believe, “Each moment shouldn’t pass away so quickly, because it’s awful knowing that I, too, will one day pass away!”
With this assumption, the singer endures the Consequence of gritted teeth (behavior), grief (emotion), and he ruminates over his inevitable death (cognition). This unpleasant Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection is caused not by the passage of time, though by the singer’s attitude.
Rather than remaining self-disturbed, an individual is invited to try Disputation which may lead to an Effective new belief that’s used in place of an unproductive self-narrative. With the ABC model, a person learns to stop needless suffering which is caused by unhelpful assumptions.
Yet, without knowledge of REBT, the band’s chorus states:
Is it safe to say? (c’mon c’mon)
Was it right to leave? (c’mon c’mon)
Will I ever learn? (c’mon c’mon)
(c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon)
One imagines B-C disturbance in regard to the impermanence and uncertainty of life, as expressed by the lead singer and echoed by other band members. With a sense of urgency (i.e., “c’mon c’mon”), it’s plausible to suggest that the singer’s self-disturbed disposition influences a new Action.
When asking himself if it’s safe to stay in the present, or whether it was morally and ethically right to depart the past (Action), the singer presumably Believes, “I can’t stand the transient and indeterminate nature of this miserable life,” which causes the Consequence of fear for his safety.
Still, verse two states:
As I make my way; c’mon c’mon
These better nights that seem too long
Now we grieve, ‘cause now is gone
Things were good when we were young
In his self-disturbed condition, the singer is likely resolved to moving with the flow of time. Yet, he complains, because even the better nights which he experiences will eventually pass. This is precisely what happens in life and the singer continues to grieve the fact that “now is gone.”
The audience is again treated to a pre-chorus and two iterations of the original chorus, indicating a deeply disturbed individual who’s trapped in the B-C connection. Then, we arrive at my favorite portion of the song, as the outro states:
And know this day these deepened wounds don’t heal so fast
Can’t hear me croon of a million lies that speak no truth
Of a time gone by, the now is through
The unpleasant Consequence of the artist’s untruthful Beliefs about the Action – represented by the passing away of time and perhaps with consideration of his inevitable death – embodies suffering. He’s mentally trapped in the past while currently experiencing emotional pain.
Perhaps nostalgically, the singer reminisces about the better days behind him. Yet, paradoxically, even when experiencing “better nights that seem too long,” he’s unable to enjoy the present.
When self-disturbed in such a manner, the now is through before the artist understands how he wasted his life. Because he refused to tolerate and accept the impermanent and uncertain nature of life, all he has left is the beauty of a death that was always inescapable to him in the first place.
One imagines that for such individuals – perhaps even you – a life of perpetual B-C disturbance is as Modest Mouse stated in “Ocean Breathes Salty” when expressing:
Well, that is that and this is this
You tell me what you want and I’ll tell you what you get
You get away from me, you get away from me
Well, that is that and this is this
Will you tell me what you saw and I’ll tell you what you missed
When the ocean met the sky (You missed)
You wasted life, why wouldn’t you waste the afterlife?
Whatever it is that you want isn’t necessarily what you will receive. Likewise, whatever it is that you see may resemble precisely the thing you miss. If you waste life, why wouldn’t you waste the afterlife (if there is such a thing)?
Therefore, the current blogpost serves as a reminder that each of us will one day die. There’s no reason to upset oneself regarding this fact, as ULA may serve you well when understanding that the now is through at some point.
Still, you’re welcome to waste this life with a B-C connection. Contrarily, you can take advantage of what relatively little time you have left by getting out of your own way and actually living. C’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon!
Thankfully, I got out of a pickup truck two decades ago, left behind the field of nuclear security, and began living. Now, “that is that and this is this” remains as a constant, though I disturb myself far less frequently than I did in the past. The urgency of the moment called for this measure.
Now, with frequent use of REBT, my better nights don’t seem too long. As well, I appreciate when the now is through rather than lamenting moments which inevitably pass away. If you, too, would like to practice this form of rational living, I’m here to try to help you.
After all, whatever time is was when you initially took note at the beginning of this post, the now is through. Such is the function of life. Before your life transitions into death, how about you and I try to make proper use of your time? C’mon c’mon! Besides, a beautiful death can wait.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
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