In 1991, when I began the informal practice of life coaching in regard to other residents of a children’s home in which I was placed, hip hop duo Black Sheep released their debut studio album A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing. The anthology featured the track “The Choice Is Yours.”
For those hip hop heads who have memory of that moment in time, I’d be surprised to learn that you hadn’t heard of the song. There were many quotable lines from the joint and the chorus was something fans of rap often repeated. It stated:
You can get with this, or you can get with that [x3]
I think you’ll get with this, for this is where it’s at
You can get with this, or you can get with that [x3]
I think you’ll get with this, for this is kinda, kinda phat
Admittedly, Black Sheep offered a false dichotomy on “The Choice Is Yours.” Sometimes referred to as a “false dilemma,” “black-and-white thinking,” or a “binary,” dichotomies using an either-or logic and reason structure of choice aren’t necessarily helpful.
As an example, suppose I told you that you can either practice Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) or you can suffer the consequences of your self-disturbed irrational beliefs. Might there be an option other than the black-and-white structure I’ve proposed?
Of course there is. For instance, you could make use of another psychotherapeutic modality. Therefore, use of a false dilemma may not prove helpful. Presuming you agree with my assertion, the same critique of “The Choice Is Yours” applies to other matters in life.
Perhaps another example is in order to illustrate this psychoeducational lesson. The term “black sheep” refers to a disfavored or disreputable member of a group. When a family took me into their household from the children’s home I was the black sheep of their family. I didn’t fit in.
At the time, I used an unhelpful binary by maintaining that I could either integrate well or I could remain a black sheep of the family. Without a helpful third option, I disturbed myself with unfavorable beliefs which caused unpleasant emotional and behavioral consequences.
I understood that no matter how much I desired to be an in-group member of their family, I wasn’t like them. When I didn’t unconditionally accept myself and I unproductively used demandingness self-narratives, I experienced anger and acted out through criminal behavior.
Ultimately, I was kicked out of their home halfway through my senior year of high school and I returned to the children’s home. Not long after graduating, I joined the United States (U.S.) Marine Corps.
Rather than facing causes of self-disturbance, I merely sought to find other black sheep. For those who are unaware, retired lieutenant colonel of the U.S. Army, Dave Grossman, is credited with having formulated a trinary proposition regarding military and law enforcement personnel.
Rather than an either this or that false dilemma, Grossman proposed that there are sheep (average citizens), wolves (those who prey upon the sheep), and sheepdogs (those who protect the sheep). My job in the Corps was military police, so I considered myself a sheepdog.
No longer was I a black sheep, as I’d found a third option that appeared to have resolved the cognitive, emotive, and behavioral tension of self-disturbance. However, suggesting that my problems miraculously dissipated would serve as little more than a lie. I don’t want to lie to you.
Even among my fellow law enforcers, and Marines in general, I didn’t fit in. I was very much a black sheep in the middle of the flock. For many years, I upset myself with unhelpful beliefs about this truthful representation of my military service.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, the Marine Corps maintained a binary of its own. Marines could get with the Corps’ standards, or get out of the Corps – in alignment with the proposal of “The Choice Is Yours.” Unfortunately, I got out of the Corps by way of disciplinary action.
It took years of self-induced anguish before I ever learned of REBT and discovered a method of rational living by which I could consider other logical and reasonable choices for life. Humorously, I stated of my revelatory breakthrough in a blogpost On Sheepdogs:
Using a rational approach to [life], I think I’d rather be a honey badger that isn’t anywhere in the vicinity of the sheep, wolf, sheepdog trio. After all, I’ve been reliably informed that “Honey badger don’t care, honey badger don’t give a shit.”
I’ve long since rejected the false dichotomy of my youth that involved an either white or black sheep proposition. Likewise, I’ve deserted the trinary sheep, wolf, or sheepdog proposal of Grossman. Factually speaking, I don’t have to get with this or get with that.
If the choice is mine to make, as a self-determined and autonomous individual, then I’ll forgo unproductive binary or trinary options. Instead, in true humanist fashion, I’ll live rationally by considering those choices which are in better alignment with my interests and goals.
How about you? What will you opt to do? The choice is yours. You can get with this, or you can get with that, or that and this, or this or that with more of this and less of that, or any other variation that serves you well.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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