In 2002, I was romantically involved with a woman who shared my appreciation for electronic dance music (EDM). During that year, Louie DeVito released his album Dance Factory which contained the Rui da Silva track “Touch Me” (2001), featuring the vocals of Cass Fox.
I lost count of how many times that album was played during a significantly challenging time regarding my Marine Corps service. Twice during 2002, I was placed in a military brig for pretrial confinement (June13-18, 2002 and September 30-October 24, 2002).
Among other songs which ran through my mind while in an incarcerated status was “Touch Me.” In particular, I thought of the woman I loved and wished that I could say to her, “Tell me what you’re feeling,” because I wasn’t allowed to maintain contact with her while in the brig.
Noteworthy, when providing psychoeducational lessons about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I invite people to consider that feelings relate to either emotions or sensations. However, feelings aren’t the same thing as thoughts, beliefs, hunches, or other cognitive content.
Back when I was in the brig, I didn’t understand this lesson. Rather, as is the case with many people, I subscribed to colloquial use of the word “feeling.” Thus, when I imagined saying to my girlfriend, “Tell me what you’re feeling,” I envisioned asking about what she thought.
Interestingly, lyrics to “Touch Me” include, “We can only understand what we are shown.” Although I didn’t conceptualize that the woman who I loved would tell me anything other than she missed me and patiently awaited my return, apparently that wasn’t true of her experience.
Years after that intimate partner relationship dissolved, I spoke with my ex-lover’s former roommate who informed me that the woman for whom I was placed in the brig and to whom my love was pledged had allegedly been with another man while I was in pretrial confinement.
In essence, “touch me” was something that she was apparently saying to Sancho. When I heard this news, I was self-disturbed by the irrational beliefs which I maintained at the time. If your mind works anything like mine, you’re rechecking the brief periods for which I was confined.
“This is awful, because she should’ve had the decency to wait for me to get out,” I unhelpfully believed. Worse still, I maintained, “Life is worthless and I can’t stand that I gave away my military career for the promise of love while she was telling another many how she was feeling.”
Auspiciously, I was eventually able to practice unconditional acceptance and stop self-disturbing about matters over which I had no control and little influence. It had been years since I last listened to “Touch Me,” that is until today when I heard Miss Monique play it during a DJ set.
When listening to the track over two decades ago, I felt joy. Then, after self-disturbing with unhelpful beliefs, the song was associated with the feeling of sorrow. Today, after having practiced REBT for as long as I have, I once again feel joy when hearing “Touch Me.”
And now, I’ve properly told you what I’m “feeling” – rather than validating the misunderstood colloquial use of the word. If it’s true that “we can only understand what we are shown,” then I have confidence that you now comprehend how to properly use feelings-based terms.
Additionally, I hope that you remain aware that unfavorable beliefs about undesirable events don’t have to yield unpleasant outcomes. Through practice of REBT techniques, you can open the doors of the proverbial brig within your mind and free yourself in the most empowering way.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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Jones, M. (2015, August 13). Louie DeVito’s Dance Factory (Full album) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/4g3Cnn0epYY?si=Vv2rgSorX0jIWYpT
Miss Monique. (2024, October 25). Miss Monique @ sunset cruise in New York [Progressive house DJ mix] [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/PXQcEIM4su0?si=AtnPuIZW7ng3ZsT3
RuiDaSilvaMusic. (2014, April 30). Rui Da Silva feat Cassandra - Touch Me (Lyric video official) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/fUM1ADtR0WY?si=2g2R4ok_T5Lg5bCy
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Cass Fox. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cass_Fox
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Louie DeVito. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louie_DeVito
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Miss Monique. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miss_Monique
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Rui da Silve (DJ). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rui_da_Silva_(DJ)
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