Suck It Up

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Photo credit, fair use

“Look, you can either get sent home; be held back as a retread in the broke dick platoon; or you can suck it up, let us wrap your feet, and we’ll send you back to your platoon so that you can graduate on time,” a Navy corpsman told me during Marine Corps Recruit Training in 1996.

I appreciated the fact that I had options. For context, I was ordered seek medical treatment for infected blisters on both of my feet which occurred as a result of humping (marching). My dirty boot socks were soaked with sweat, puss, and blood, which caused a significant infection.

Option #1 seemed more like a test than a viable solution. Not only didn’t I want to exit training, I suspected that my mental and emotional fortitude was being assessed. Had I accepted the offer, I likely would’ve been viewed as a “pussy,” a term often heard in training that inferred weakness.

Option #2, being retreaded (recycled) to a “broke dick” (injured) training platoon wasn’t desirable. Not only would I have sacrificed my status regarding the regular platoon in which I was already established, I likely would’ve been perceived as a “pussy” for choosing that option.

Option #3 is what I chose. Regarding the phrase “suck it up,” one source states that it means, “To endure a period of mental, physical, or emotional hardship with no complaining.” Thus, two corpsmen wrapped my feet and sent me back to my platoon, as I indeed graduated on time.

Within the field of mental, emotional, and behavioral health, there are varying approaches to psychological determination. With my approach to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), a psychotherapeutic modality infused with Stoic philosophy, I don’t shun a “suck it up” angle.

Undoubtedly, other clinicians may disagree. Nevertheless, I approach this matter in the instance of resilience which the American Psychological Association defines thusly:

[T]he process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.

A number of factors contribute to how well people adapt to adversities, predominant among them (a) the ways in which individuals view and engage with the world, (b) the availability and quality of social resources, and (c) specific coping strategies.

Psychological research demonstrates that the resources and skills associated with more positive adaptation (i.e., greater resilience) can be cultivated and practiced.

Admittedly, telling people to “suck it up” is a bit harsh. After all, the personal anecdote used herein took place in a military setting. Aside from incarcerated settings, few experiences in one’s life may take as an exacting approach to life than when training for violent combat.

All the same, I appreciate a helpful concept that counteracts a self-disturbing narrative related to low frustration tolerance. This is one of four major irrational beliefs identified in REBT literature. If this belief had a catchphrase it would something like, “I can’t stand it!”

Telling oneself to “suck it up” or to “embrace the suck” – also a popular phrase when I served in the Corps – is a matter of high frustration tolerance (HFT; i.e., I can stand it). Regarding this matter, I stated in a blogpost entitled Embrace the Suck:

An important takeaway for embracing the suck is that one doesn’t have to like or love an unpleasant circumstance. Rather, building resilience as a means to strengthen one’s level of high frustration tolerance is about enduring adversity while merely embracing the fact that it sucks.

Often, I hear bitching, whining, moaning, complaining, and whinging about various complications experienced in life. I had blisters on my feet from which a mixture of sweat, puss, and blood had caused infection. Thus, I could’ve moaned about the event which I don’t like.

Yet, a Stoic approach to the matter – in the interest of rational living – would be to understand that I didn’t have to (i.e., should, must, or ought to) appreciate my circumstances in order to tolerate and accept the displeasing nature of my situation. Can you stand what you don’t like?

I didn’t have to enjoy taking option #3 in boot camp, limping back to my training platoon and humping additional terrain with moleskin and gauze on my feet. However, I sucked it up in alignment with my interest and goal to graduate boot camp on time.

This approach to life regards foregoing self-disturbance in favor of distress tolerance—an ability to endure difficult or painful emotions, sensations, or events without use of unhelpful coping mechanisms, thus accepting and managing distress, rather than trying to eliminate or avoid it.

Undeniably, I don’t tell the clients with whom I work to “suck it up.” Likewise, I rarely use this phrase toward myself. Rather, I practice the Stoic meaning inferred in the encouraging phrase. Expanding upon this clarification, in a blogpost entitled Cowboy Up, I stated:

I’m not advocating an approach to life whereby I [literally] say to myself, “Suck it up, buttercup!” Rather, I consider what circles of control, influence, and concern exist […] Still, I keep my mental health in perspective of the suffering inherent in life. I don’t have to like or love problem X, yet I can “cowboy up” in the presence of adversity.

Because of its offensive connotation regarding fellatio, I rarely use “suck it up” or much of the other lingo that was frequently expressed when I served in the Marine Corps (e.g., “pussy”). Nonetheless, I advocate the practice of HFT in the interest of goal attainment.

So what will you do the next time you’re faced with a challenging or displeasing experience? When life stomps a mud hole in your ass and marches it dry, will you unhelpfully grumble about the event? Or will your “suck it up,” so to speak, by way of distress tolerance?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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