Throughout childhood and into early adulthood, I enjoyed stone skipping and skimming—the art of throwing a flat stone across water in such a way (usually sidearm) that it bounces off the surface. “Skipping” counts the number of bounces; “skimming” measures the distance traveled.
From Timbercreek Canyon in Amarillo, Texas to Loveland, Colorado (where the above photo was taken), I honed my skill at skipping and skimming stones. Essentially, I found the activity both exciting and calming, whether competing with others or tossing (“chucking”) stones alone.
At one point, I became relatively proficient with chucking smooth rocks atop the surface of water. I could even accomplish this task in a small stream. Of sorts, the activity was one of my many hobbies—pursuits outside one’s regular occupation, engaged in especially for relaxation.
Noteworthy, there were times when chucking resulted in the clunking (sinking) of stones. Isn’t that how life unfolds? Sometimes plans go our way and other times we experience unexpected or even disappointing outcomes. Ergo, I learned a lot about life from stone skipping and skimming.
On a warm afternoon, with nothing else to do for the rest of the day, I could skip a stone seven or eight times at a relatively respectable skimming distance. On colder mornings, when I had other matters requiring attention that day, I’d clunk or dunk stones within a skim of only a few feet.
Thinking about the ups and downs of my former hobby, I consider the practice of mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”) care. Here, I’m addressing personal and professional application of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) tools.
Although there are finer points of consideration for this psychotherapeutic modality, REBT primarily uses two main techniques: the ABC model and unconditional acceptance (UA). Much like the practice of stone skipping and skimming, results with REBT may vary.
When fully devoting myself to a holistic approach to mental health care, I’ve enjoyed success with my personal interests and goals. However, if I start to slack on self-care or neglect use of UA, I’ll then go from metaphorical chucking to clunking in a relatively short amount of time.
Likewise, when I observe the clients with whom I practice doing the work necessary to achieve their goals, I see these individuals improve their level of functioning and quality of life. Yet, when they fail to complete negotiated homework tasks, I then watch them needlessly suffer.
Regarding the experience of highs and lows of mood, which REBT posits is caused by a belief-consequence connection associated with the ABC model, I reflect upon a lesson I learned from stone skipping and skimming. In specific, I remember a necessary mental state when clunking.
“Let it go,” I reminded myself. Then, I’d select another stone and try again. Perhaps that one clunked, as well. “Let it go,” I’d maintain. Then, I’d continue chucking. Striving for unattainable perfection would’ve defeated the purpose of my hobby, which was to enjoy myself.
The same holds true regarding practice of REBT. An integral component of UA is tolerating and accepting imperfection which is inherent in life. This dovetails nicely with a lesson in impermanence and uncertainty. All things shall pass and there are very few guarantees in life.
So, too, was the case for stone skipping and skimming. One moment, I was chucking largely inorganic matter across the surface of water on a warm afternoon. Then, a storm would quickly set in and a downpour of rain would tarnish my plans. So be it. Let it go.
Presuming that you understand and don’t disagree with the teaching contained herein (practice UA, specifically regarding impermanence and uncertainty), how may this psychoeducational lesson serve your interests and goals? Ultimately, I wish you enjoyable skipping and skimming!
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Hollings, D. (2024, September 20). All things. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/all-things
Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2024, February 25). Doing the work. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/doing-the-work
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
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Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
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Hollings, D. (2024, January 2). Interests and goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/interests-and-goals
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Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
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Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2024, May 6). Self-care. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-care
Hollings, D. (2023, September 6). The absence of suffering. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-absence-of-suffering
Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection
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Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Stone skipping. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stone_skipping
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