I have a lifelong unhealthy relationship with artificially sweetened foods. Cakes, pies, donuts, cookies, ice cream… you name it, I’ve overindulged since childhood.
In fact, I can’t recall a time in life, prior to the last decade, when I’d select a healthier sweet option over an unhealthy one. For instance, if given the option of eating a donut or an apple, 10 times out of 10, I’d choose the donut.
Although I’m aware that it’s currently popular to rationalize unhealthy relationships with foods, cast blame on others for one’s personal lifestyle choices, reject personal ownership for one’s behavior, and play the victimhood card, I don’t value such behavior for my own life.
Therefore, I take personal responsibility and accountability as a self-determined and autonomous individual. Admittedly, opting to take this path hasn’t been easy. In fact, it’s been anything but that.
Nevertheless, I strive to get better in life rather than seeking joy or pleasure as a means of merely feeling better. While I can’t speak for others, and I don’t prescribe the path I’ve chosen to everyone else, I find immense value in moving from resistance to resilience.
Resistance may be defined as an act or instance of resisting—exerting oneself so as to counteract something. As an example, when tempted to binge on artificial sweets I can resist unhelpful cravings by keeping myself occupied with healthier pursuits.
Not always am I successful in this regard. Therefore, I find that not keeping artificially sweet foods within my home helps, as does keeping various fruits readily available, though I never behave perfectly.
For instance, when out and about or when visiting others, it’s not difficult for irrational beliefs to test my resolve. Thus, I cave in to cravings more than I care to admit (a lot… like, a lot-a lot).
This is where resilience comes in handy. Resilience may defined as an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. In the instance of my disorderly eating behavior, I’ve been down the easy path that leads to self-disturbance for most of my life.
Although I don’t like experiencing demandingness (e.g., I shouldn’t have messed up), awfulizing (e.g., it’s terrible that I messed up), low frustration tolerance (LFT; e.g., I can’t stand that I messed up), or global evaluations (e.g., I’m a piece of shit for having messed up), I’m familiar with these irrational beliefs.
Because of my familiarity with these unproductive assumptions, I’ve become resilient in the face of imperfection. After all, I’m a fallible human being and I can tolerate and accept this fact. I’m only a few years shy of half a century of being flawed, so I’m used to this condition.
Taking an easy or comfortable path, choosing good vibes or pleasant feelings, or seeking a hedonic lifestyle may not be beneficial for me down the road. As well, this is one area in which I part from the late psychologist Albert Ellis, who developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).
In particular, Ellis stated, “I can choose to act as a short-range hedonist who mainly goes for the pleasures of the moment and gives little consideration to those of the future, or as a long-range hedonist who considers both the pleasures of the moment and of the future and who strives to achieve a fair degree of both.”
While I don’t waste what time I have left in this life prescribing that others shouldn’t, mustn’t, or oughtn’t to chase after hedonic pursuits, I adopt a Stoic approach to living in regard to my own life. Noteworthy, this doesn’t constitute denunciation of all pleasurable acts.
Rather, I find that balancing pleasure with chosen suffering works well for me. This is the method by which I move from resistance to resilience.
For those often intense though fleeting moments in which my mind attempts self-sabotage, I find it helpful to remind myself of rapper Big Sean’s lyrics from “Voices in My Head / Stick to the Plan,” featured on his 2017 album I Decided. Lyrics include:
Voices in my head sayin’ I could do better, damn
Voices in my head sayin’ that I knew better
(You know better, what the fuck!)
I done seen this shit happen a hundred times on the regular
But I still crossed the line like I’m blind, damn
Voices in my head saying I could do better
(You always do the same shit)
Just as self-disturbingly irrational inferences arise (e.g., come on, one donut won’t hurt), I’m able to use Big Sean’s lyrics to dispute these unproductive messages (e.g., I could do better). Likewise, unhelpful beliefs (e.g., I can’t stand messing up) are also disputed (e.g., you always do the same shit).
When using an LFT narrative, unfavorably convincing myself that I can’t stand (tolerate) something, I find it helpful to use honest counterclaims such as, “You always do the same shit,” as a means of building high frustration tolerance (HFT).
Granted, Big Sean’s use of the absolutistic term “always” is a bit rigid. As well, some people may find this form of dispute somewhat off-putting, because it perceivably leads to shame.
However, in the interest of HFT, I appreciate resilience-building narratives even if others prefer not to use them. Similarly, not everyone will appreciate other reminders from “Voices in My Head / Stick to the Plan” which motivate me:
Stick to the plan, stick to the plan
Stick to the plan, bitch, quit playing
Stick to the, plan, to the plan
Stick to the plan, bitch, quit playing
Stick to the, plan
I have plans for my mental, emotional, behavioral, and physical health. When unnecessarily veering from a path that otherwise serves my interests and goals, I find it helpful to give myself reminders to stick to the plan.
Even with use of pejoratives which may disinterest some people, I’m motivated when saying to myself, “Bitch, quit playing” as I’m contemplating going all in on a box of donuts. To those whose precious sensibilities perceivably can’t stand the thought of such a dispute, your LFT narrative is exposed.
In any case, a lifelong unhealthy relationship with artificially sweetened foods isn’t something about which I’m ashamed or disturbed. As a means of getting better, I move from resistance to resilience by challenging LFT narratives with healthier mental statements related to HFT.
Perhaps my strategy is a bit too annoying for you. No worries, you can explore what works for you. Still, if you appreciate my approach and would like to know more about how to get out of your own way on a path to rational living, I’m here to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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