In my adolescence and early adulthood, the term “slippin’” referred to being caught off-guard. For example, if someone was slippin’ at a stoplight then the person may’ve been carjacked when in a vulnerable setting.
Not many people I’ve known have been immune to vulnerability at one point or another. Somehow, vulnerability is often characterized as a harmful element of life. Addressing this matter, I stated in a blogpost entitled Open, Honest, and Vulnerable Communication:
When referencing vulnerable, I’m discussing that which is capable of being emotionally wounded. Therefore, vulnerability is the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of one’s position being perceivably attacked or harmed.
Reflect upon the carjacking event. Is there anything inherently harmful about coming to a complete stop for a red light posted at an intersection? One may argue that aside from a matter of legality, not stopping is what could lead to harm.
Therefore, it isn’t the act of stopping or being vulnerable which results in an undesirable outcome such as a carjacking episode. However, it’s the carjacker who uses force when catching people slippin’ who exhibits harmful behavior that results in a dangerous situation.
When practicing Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) with clients, I use psychoeducational lessons to teach about the benefits of vulnerability, as I will herein. Let’s look at how I do this aside from the uncommon example of slippin’ during a carjacking incident.
REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, if you’re slippin’ by failing to stop at a red light (Action), you may strike a vehicle that has the right of way (Consequence). This A-C connection may generate another A-C event and outcome. The vehicle collision (Action) may result in death (Consequence).
Suppose you survive the wreck though you’ve killed another motorist (Action) and you unfavorably Believe, “Life shouldn’t be so unfair and I can’t stand this existence!” The B-C connection you use will likely result in unnecessary suffering (Consequence).
Although it’s understandable that you may vulnerably experience fear or sorrow after being caught off-guard in an intersection, there’s a difference between the experience of an unhealthy versus healthy negative emotion. With ether feeling, suffering may occur.
Who wouldn’t feel a healthy negative emotion such as sorrow after unintentionally killing someone? You may suffer – or endure the effects of an unpleasant situation – during the manslaughter event. This seems like a natural, logical, and reasonable outcome.
Still, getting caught slippin’ with the result of a typical outcome is different than the experience of needlessly suffering. The latter evokes a B-C connection whereby you unhealthily agonize to a debilitating and perhaps pathological degree.
Thus, I help people to stop upsetting themselves through use of B-C connections, though I can’t fully resolve their A-C connections. You may naturally feel healthy negative emotions when slippin’ leads to an unpleasant event, though you don’t have to needlessly suffer.
Uniquely, REBT theory incorporates humanism, existentialism, and Stoicism as philosophical elements which can aid in the reduction of self-disturbance. In essence, a humanistic approach to behavioral health care values one’s own ability to improve one’s own life.
Some of my religious or spiritual clientele tend to mistake humanism as an element that completely denies influence from a deity one chooses to worship. However, taking control of one’s own life isn’t a concept that is antithetical to some religious faiths.
As I understand the verse, humanism isn’t entirely at odds with the teachings of Islam: Indeed Allah will not change the conditions of a population until they change what is in themselves. — Qur’an 13:11
Also, if my comprehension of the verse is accurate, a humanistic approach isn’t in conflict with Christianity: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. — Colossians 3:23
Moving on and not to oversimplify the matter, existentialism proposes that each individual is responsible for assigning purpose and meaning in one’s own life. Purpose is essentially what one does and meaning is worth derived from fulfilling this self-ascribed obligation.
In regard to the natural process of suffering versus needless suffering, I’m reminded of a quote from Gordon Allport, as well as a central theme used by those who practice Buddhism:
[T]o live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. If there is a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and in dying. But no man can tell another what this purpose is. Each man must find out for himself, and must accept the responsibility that his answer prescribes. If he succeeds he will continue to grow in spite of all indignities.
Although some people object to the notion that “to live is to suffer,” I don’t quibble with what is so perceptibly obvious. Nevertheless, I draw a clear distinction between normal and needless suffering, as existentialism offers one the ability to explore purpose and meaning to suffering.
Further moving on and at the risk of being too reductive, Stoicism offers instruction in the development of self-focus in order to control the experience of needless suffering. Noteworthy, Stoicism focuses on four virtues: wisdom, courage, temperance or moderation, and justice.
A person has only control of oneself, and to a limited degree. You may have some influence over other people, animals, things, or your environment, though you don’t control other elements in life without the occurrence of extreme measures (e.g., depriving civil liberties during an arrest).
Aside from your limited control and influence, you may be concerned about a great number of matters over which you have no control or influence. To address this matter, Stoicism which is incorporated into REBT offers you knowledge of enlightened self-interest.
In reality, since basically all you have control over in life is how you respond to matters, you don’t have to needlessly suffer in regard to matters which are beyond your control or influence. Rather, you can focus on yourself and how to improve the quality of your life.
This isn’t the same concept as selfishness. In fact, ancient Stoic philosophers taught people how to function well within societies in which behaving egocentrically wasn’t necessarily conducive to a thriving existence.
Using a Stoic approach to life – learning to live well before experiencing an inevitable death – affords one the ability to control oneself while also serving oneself and others. Of course, you have the ability to reject this practice and function in whatever manner you choose.
In any case, humanism, existentialism, and Stoicism may not inevitably make someone feel better about the suffering one will undoubtedly experience in life. Who gets caught slippin’ at a traffic light, resulting in being carjacked or a vehicle fatality, and feels pleasantly about it?
Rather than aiming to help people feel better, REBT offers individuals an opportunity to get better. Remember that “To live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering.” Finding worth through purpose, despite suffering, is how we actually get better.
When contemplating this vulnerable matter, I’m reminded of the late rapper DMX’s 1998 album Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood, on which he released the track “Slippin’” that featured vocals from Tamyra Gray and a sample of Grover Washington Jr.’s song “Moonstreams.”
The late rapper opened the song by stating, “This life shit, this life shit is like… is like bugged the fuck out, son, for real. See, to live is to suffer, but to survive, well; that’s to find meaning in the suffering.” DMX understood what life and death were about, as he eventually succumbed to the latter.
In the chorus of the song, DMX stated, “Ayo, I’m slippin’, I’m fallin’, I gots to get up. Get me back on my feet so I can tear shit up.” For those who weren’t alive before or during the release of “Slippin’,” the rapper used a pop culture reference.
For context, one source states, “‘I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!’ is a catchphrase of the late 1980s and early 1990s popular culture based upon a line from a United States-based television commercial.” Thus, DMX’s chorus related to proverbially getting up after an undesirable fall.
This is akin to reducing one’s level of self-disturbance when unpleasant situations occur. Also, it includes getting caught slippin’ at a red light when being carjacked or experiencing a motor vehicle accident. Despite the vulnerable occurrence, slippin’ may involve a B-C connection.
If it’s an event in which suffering may result, it may be in one’s interest to get back on one’s feet to tear shit up (i.e., grind, hustle, thrive, improve one’s circumstances, etc.) by disputing unhelpful beliefs. So what will you do next time you’re slippin’?
Will you experience unnecessary suffering by aggravating matters through use of a B-C connection which produces unhealthy negative emotions? Or will you find meaning to suffering, get back on your feet, and tear shit up? The choice is yours to make.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
Photo credit, photographer: Jonathan Mannion, fair use
References:
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