Photo credit (edited), fair use
“Don’t think I’m playin’,” my friend “1/2 Ton” told me on a chilly morning while holding a box cutter in his hand, “say it again; say I won’t cut you!” In the period between having graduated high school and shipping off to United States Marine Recruit Training, I faced a dilemma.
On one hand, my close friend with whom I’d attended high school wasn’t known for backing down from a challenge – no matter the consequences. On the other hand, the unwritten rules of the honor culture into which we were born and raised disallowed me from backing down.
Describing the phrase “say I won’t,” one source states, “Verbally challenging back to your friends to give you added courage to do something that may be stupid or out of the norm.” Regarding my quandary, I foolishly decided to call 1/2 Ton on his perceived bluff.
“You won’t,” I replied. Without hesitation, 1/2 Ton quickly sliced the top of my left wrist. Apparently, he wasn’t bluffing. The lesson I learned served as a long-lasting reminder that 1/2 Ton wasn’t one to feign devotion to his principles.
He was willing to cut one of his closest friends in order to remain true to a pronouncement. Similarly, within the culture of hip hop, the phrase “say I won’t” is a common indicator that someone means business and will react according to a formal or informal challenge.
As an example, on his twenty-sixth studio album Practice Makes Paper, lyricist E-40 released a song entitled “I Don’t Like Em,” featuring rappers Cousin Fik and Laroo. On the track, E-40 states, “I’ll smash on one of you niggas, say I won’t (Biatch!)”
Although the term “smash” can relate to sexual intercourse, stating that someone will be or was smashed on infers violent activity. For instance, “We smashed on those Northside vatos, ese!”
Providing another example of how “say I won’t” is used in honor culture of the South, as well as hip hop culture, on his song “Say I Won’t remix” Texas rapper Propain featured Houston, Texas legend Slim Thug. The entire song is a challenge to anyone who says the artists won’t succeed in life.
Through the lens of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT), I view the phrase “say I won’t” as a form of demandingness. Depending on the consequences of its use, the phrase could cause unhelpful self-disturbance if functioning absolutistically or merely serve as a recommendation.
Using the framework of the ABC model, REBT maintains that when an Activating event occurs and a person uses irrational Beliefs about the situation, it’s one’s unfavorable attitude and not the occurrence itself that results in unpleasant Consequences (e.g., anger and violent behavior).
In the case of 1/2 Ton and I, we likely used an absolutistic form of a should, must, or ought-type belief. I imagine that we both maintained an unproductive personal philosophy of life such as, “I must never back down from a challenge.”
With absolute demands of this sort, there’s no room for balance. Therefore, when 1/2 Ton said, “Say I won’t,” he was prepared to experience the unhelpful consequences of his actions. He was going to slice me with a box cutter in order to satisfy his absolutistic demand.
Likewise, because I employed use of an unfavorable absolutistic demand, I was prepared to endure the consequences of having uttered syllables from my mouth and then facing a slicing event as a result. Thus, both 1/2 Ton and I neglected to consider other viable options.
This form of demandingness is used by E-40 in “I Don’t Like Em.” Contrarily, in the case of Propain and Slim Thug’s track, “Say I Won’t remix,” the rappers use a recommendatory form of demandingness. This type of demand doesn’t necessarily cause self-upset.
For instance, suppose Propain states, “Say I won’t succeed.” I then reply, “You won’t.” As a result, the rapper works harder at his craft and releases a song that generates popularity and monetary gain.
Imagining that he uses these elements as metrics for success, Propain wouldn’t have been self-disturbed by his beliefs about my violation of his recommendation in the form of a challenge. Ergo, Propain would’ve utilized a balanced and arguably helpful perspective in this regard.
Although I didn’t know about REBT during the period of time when 1/2 Ton sliced my wrist, I now better understand the phrase “say I won’t” and how beliefs can cause helpful or unhelpful consequences. Presuming you understand this lesson, maybe you can avoid getting smashed on.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
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