If you were a fan of electronic dance music (EDM) during the early 2000s, what song comes to mind when you hear me invoke the name of Italian DJ Benny Benassi? Without a doubt, for me, it’s “Satisfaction” which was released on his debut album Hypnotica (2003).
In fact, “Satisfaction” remains as my most favored Benassi track, although he released a number of other songs which I’ve enjoyed throughout the years. Perhaps equally as memorable as “Satisfaction” was the second version of the video for the song which one source describes thusly:
The second version of the music video features women in skimpy construction outfits. The video plays almost as a musical advertisement for a variety of power tools. All are used in a sexual manner. This version was mainly relegated to nighttime hours.
When thinking about this Benassi track, I contemplate the concept of satisfaction through the lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Before proceeding any further, it may be useful to define terms.
Colloquially, satisfaction is defined as fulfillment of a need or want. As an example, if I’m thirsty and want to drink a glass of water, satisfaction is achieved when having my desire met while drinking water. Notably, the American Psychological Association (APA) uses a similar approach when defining the satisfaction of instincts:
[I]n classical psychoanalytic theory, the gratification of basic needs, such as hunger, thirst, sex, and aggression, which discharges tension, eliminates unpleasure, and restores the organism to a balanced state. Satisfaction may occur on a conscious, preconscious, or unconscious level. Also called gratification of instincts.
Also, it’s worth noting that satisfaction is often used synonymously with joy and pleasure (collectively “happiness”). Colloquially, happiness is defined as a pleasurable or satisfying experience. The APA defines this term as an emotion of joy, gladness, satisfaction, and well-being. Noteworthy, I expressed the following in a blog entry entitled Happy Place:
I’m not shy about expressing my opinion on happiness. When hearing [an REBT] practitioner advocate contentment rather than happiness, some people express surprise […] Happiness, while an oft-experienced phenomenon, isn’t a destination […] I argue that contentment is a longer lasting experience than happiness.
While I understand that happiness synonymously means the satisfaction of needs or wants, I further comprehend that many people conceptualize happiness as a form of utopic euphoria—an imaginarily idealized form of exaggerated joy and pleasure that doesn’t reflect reality.
I value the former while rejecting the latter. Understanding that I draw this distinction is necessary for those with whom I work as a psychotherapist. Furthermore, I have no problem with dispelling unhelpful expectations of care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”).
For instance, if a client approaches me and wants to emulate a euphoric concept of mental health that she heard about on social media, I address the ideal- versus real-world so that her expectations may be appropriately managed. Mental health isn’t about unrelenting satisfaction.
Of course, I don’t mean to imply that rational living is solely focused on ignoring healthy positive emotions (e.g., joy). Regarding such an approach to life, one REBT source states (page 27):
Anyone, therefore, who attempts to control human emotions out of existence tackles a goal of dubious value. Succeeding at such a task helps dehumanize men and woman and makes their lives meaningless.
The ancient philosophers who wanted humans to achieve a state of pure “soul” or pure intellect, devoid of all “crass” emotions, actually asked us to behave as super-robots. If we achieved this “superior” state, we could, like some of our modern electronic computers, effectively solve certain problems but would not feel any pleasure or satisfaction. Who would want such a super “human” existence?
For those who seek shame regarding matters such as carnal pleasure, as effectively illustrated in the Benassi video, I’m not advocating that approach to life. Likewise, I’m not seeking to focus solely on moralistic joy in place of sensual satisfaction. That’s the role of dogmatic religion.
Rather, I try to help people investigate their beliefs related to satisfaction. As an example, if a client has a goal to be happy, is this a flexible or inflexible goal? Is it that the person merely desires to be happy, or is the goal that one demandingly must be happy? Concerning this matter, one REBT source states (page 50):
What, usually, are your main goals, about which you sometimes make yourself miserable?
They are, first, that you stay alive and, second, that you be satisfied or happy. Once you are born, you have strong biological tendencies to want to remain alive and to strive for contentment. If you didn’t have the wish to survive, you rarely would. And if you didn’t have the desire—the Goal—of being happy, you would probably not want to keep living.
So your Goals of surviving and being happy while you are alive are inborn tendencies and help perpetuate you and your species.
Granting the premise that there are inborn goals related to satisfaction or happiness, I try to help people achieve success with their interests and goals – though to do so flexibly. As such, demanding that one rigidly and absolutistically must be happy is a recipe for misery.
When considering this proposal, I’m reminded of Benassi’s “Satisfaction” lyrics which repetitively state, “Push me and then just touch me ‘til I can get my satisfaction.” I invite you to think of this phrase as a matter of description versus prescription.
Suppose that person X helpfully described the manner in which this individual would like to be satisfied by person Y. However, person Y refused the requested desire. If person X maintained a rational approach to life, this individual may be disappointed about the matter.
Disappointment is manageable. It isn’t pleasant, yet it isn’t devastating. Who hasn’t been disappointed before? Perhaps unfulfilled desires resulting in disappointment is something of a default setting in life.
Now consider that person X unhelpfully prescribed the manner in which this individual demanded to be satisfied by person Y. However, person Y refused the requested demand. Without a standard of rational living, person X will likely self-disturb quite a bit.
It isn’t uncommon for people who use prescriptive demands to experience fear, anger, sorrow, or disgust as primary emotional responses. These unpleasant outcomes can then impact unproductive behavior. Perhaps person X uses infidelity as a means of getting back at person Y.
If the prescriptively inflexible goal in life is happiness by any and all means, then this is the sort of satisfaction-seeking irrationality that I address when using REBT. Thus, it isn’t satisfaction or happiness itself that I challenge.
Presuming that you understand my position, I invite you to consider whether or not you’re using flexible descriptions, inflexible prescriptions, or perhaps some other helpful or unhelpful means to an end where satisfaction is concerned. Also, if you’d like to know more about REBT, I look forward to hearing from you.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Happiness. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/happiness
APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Satisfaction of instincts. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/satisfaction-of-instincts
Ellis, A. (2006). How to stubbornly refuse to make yourself miserable about anything --Yes, anything! Revised edition. Kensington Publishing Corp. Retrieved from https://dokumen.pub/qdownload/how-to-stubbornly-refuse-to-make-yourself-miserable-about-anything-yes-anything-revised-and-updated-edition-9780806536538-0806536535.html
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Wikipedia. (n.d.). Satisfaction (Benny Benassi song). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satisfaction_(Benny_Benassi_song)
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