As discussed elsewhere within my blog, I’ve lived alone for almost a decade. Although I’m unaccompanied by the presence of other people, I’m not lonely—sad in association with beliefs about being alone. This is because I practice Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).
REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Actions occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about these events, it’s one’s unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – that cause unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. For a relatively simple mnemonic device to remember these beliefs, consider that G.L.A.D. can lead to sad.
Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of these unproductive assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Noteworthy, Actions and Consequences aren’t Disputed, as only unproductive Beliefs are challenged.
It’s worth noting that from a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves when using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, if you spend a lengthy amount of time browsing the Internet with a smartphone that isn’t plugged in (Action), the battery of your phone may eventually lose charge and the device may abruptly shut off (Consequence). This is a naturalistic world A-C connection.
However, when your device abruptly shuts off (Action) and you unfavorably Believe, “It’s awful that this has happened, because smartphones should use perpetual motion so that I can have an uninterrupted viewing experience,” this assumption may cause irritability (Consequence).
Helpfully, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance to relieve suffering of the B-C connection sort. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
To provide a more realistically applicable example of B-C self-disturbance, I invite you to consider an observed anecdote. While living in a state of solitude yesterday, I spent Christmas alone. This is a natural experience for me and about which I’m not self-disturbed.
In any event, I browsed a number of YouTube videos in order to personally practice REBT during downtime from my professional practice of this psychotherapeutic modality. One personally preferred source of REBT practice is the YouTube comment section.
There, I observed many user accounts providing commentary unrelated to videos and which served more as a form of sadfishing. Are you familiar with this trend that takes place online and in regard to social media? According to one source:
Sadfishing is a term used to describe a behavioural trend where people make exaggerated claims about their emotional problems to generate sympathy. The name is a play on “catfishing.” Sadfishing is a common reaction for someone going through a hard time, or pretending to be going through a hard time.
Because I don’t intend on outing specific users, I ask that you grant me hypothetical examples herein. Of course, if you’d like to discover for yourself actual examples of sadfishing, I invite you to peruse the YouTube comment section of Joe Rogan’s PowerfulJRE episode #2247.
For context, the episode represented a mostly silly discussion about an assortment of topics. However, hypothetical user X posted in the comment section, “I lost my dad a decade ago on Christmas and this is always a hard time of the year for me. I’m so lonely.”
In a separate comment, hypothetical user Y stated, “I’m alone on Christmas and this episode is the only thing keeping me going.” Still, unrelated to the commentary of users X and Y, hypothetical user Z posted, “I’m all alone and no one loves me. This episode is all I have.”
Hypothetical users X, Y, and Z all have one common thread: each of them was sadfishing, presumably as a means to solicit sympathetic or rationally compassionate responses from others. Have you ever observed similar online commentary or via social media platforms?
Arguably, the more these hypothetical individuals are able to emotionally manipulate others in such a manner, the more likely it is that their behavior will be positively reinforced. Although such actions aren’t inherently good or bad, I question how useful sadfishing is in general.
From the perspective of REBT, I recognize that the contriving nature of cathartic solicitation isn’t the result of an A-C connection. Otherwise, how do you explain that I was as content as a pig in shit when spending Christmas alone yesterday?
Rather, it’s apparent to me that a B-C connection is what caused loneliness for the many individuals I observed who used sadfishing in order to manipulate others into validating their self-disturbed dispositions. Do you consider such behavior to be useful in your own life?
If so, I imagine that you would do well to find a psychotherapist who essentially responds much in the same manner as naïve responders in the YouTube comment section. “Your feelings are 100% valid and you truly don’t deserve to be alone on Christmas,” a therapist may say.
However, if you’re looking for an antidote to the self-induced suffering in which you find yourself when alone for the holidays, perhaps REBT may better serve your interests and goals. Otherwise, may your fishing attempts prove bountiful as you relish in the sorrow of your own creation.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
DC Studio. (n.d.). Depressed man using smartphone to browse internet at home, trying to cure mental health illness and anxiety. Sad desperate person with mobile phone in solitude, having depression [Image]. Freepik. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/depressed-man-using-smartphone-browse-internet-home-trying-cure-mental-health-illness-anxiety-sad-desperate-person-with-mobile-phone-solitude-having-depression_25858944.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=27&uuid=1557b8d2-b411-4f78-98e5-fccf4c38fb6f
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