In her book When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times, Pema Chödrön describes the path of life by stating:
This path has one very distinct characteristic: it is not prefabricated. It doesn’t already exist. The path that we’re talking about is the moment-by-moment evolution of our experience, the moment-by-moment evolution of the world of phenomena, the moment-by-moment evolution of our thoughts and our emotions.
If I understand her description, Chödrön outlines a case for the experience of life as an ever-unfolding path that isn’t necessarily predetermined. Rather, one’s path represents a continuously changing series of events which evolve and are perceived through a cognitive and emotive lens.
I value Chödrön’s perspective, if this indeed what she’s advocating. Additionally, I understand that not everyone subscribes to this outlook.
As an example, I’ve interacted with a number of religiously- or spiritually-focused individuals who’ve expressed their beliefs in predestination—the divine foreordaining of all that will happen, especially with regard to the salvation of some and not others.
From this standpoint it doesn’t matter what a person does or doesn’t do during this lifetime, because a divine creator has already ruled for or against one’s salvation. Personally, this relativist perspective is unappealing and I don’t waste time on my path with such unfalsifiable claims.
Similarly, I have a friend who believes that life is little more than a simulation. From her secular point of view, as she also grew up steeped in religiosity and has since denounced such teachings, she merely replaced a deity with a computer programmer of sorts. This, too, is an unconvincing argument to me.
Who knows? Perhaps my understanding of Chödrön’s perspective is wrong and either a deity or simulation programmer has left each of our paths subject to that which is preordained—a course of action that is determined beforehand. Maybe. Honestly, I can’t say with any degree of certainty.
In any case, I choose to accept what Chödrön further proposes about the path of life, as she states:
The path is uncharted. It comes into existence moment by moment and at the same time drops away behind us. It’s like riding in a train sitting backwards. We can’t see where we’re headed, only where we’ve been.
What an interesting perspective! If I may be so bold, allow me to expand upon this simile. Without any evidence to the contrary – of which I’m confident in stating there’s nothing I’ve encountered that is objectively true – you are not the conductor of the train in which you ride.
I’m uninterested in playing semantic games. Therefore, I don’t subscribe to the notion that each of us – representing fallible human beings – willed ourselves into existence, as though we were perfect deities. Maybe there’s a conductor responsible for our paths, maybe not.
If you can get past the delusion of your absolute control in this life, envision yourself sitting in the passenger car of a moving train. The train is occupied by others, as you don’t live in this world alone. Seating design being what it is, all passengers are sitting backwards.
The train is moving along the tracks in a forward motion, you aren’t the conductor, and you’re sitting backwards without the ability to see what comes next. This experience adequately describes the present (here and now), as well as the future (whatever may come next).
You’ve planned to arrive at some future destination, though there is no guarantee that things will go according to plan. Perhaps the train suddenly derails, killing all passengers onboard. Maybe tainted food is served and a number of passengers, including you, perish along the way.
You’re riding a train (present) sitting backwards (future-directed). Out the windows, you can barely see what is behind you. This description accurately describes the present (in the moment) and the past (whatever once was).
Your vision is obstructed by other passengers, confines of the passenger car, terrain features (e.g., trees), and other objects. The further the train moves forward (future), the more difficult it is to see backward (past).
In fact, as the train moves several miles along the track, what once was is merely subject to your memory of a moment that was at one point the present tense. Moreover, what you remember from a past moment in time may not be recollected in a similar fashion by other passengers.
For instance, perhaps you saw a grizzly bear and her cubs on a ridgeline many miles back. Yet, the person sitting next to you was preoccupied with his cellphone and he missed the scene entirely. Someone sitting on the other side of you swears it was a moose and not a bear.
The experience of living takes place only within each train cabin. There is no living in the future or past, because each present moment is experienced only in the here and now. Regarding this simile and my expanded description, Chödrön states:
This is a very encouraging teaching, because it says that the source of wisdom is whatever is going to happen to us today. The source of wisdom is whatever is happening to us right at this very instant.
Can you understand this concept? Are you capable of placing aside your preconceived beliefs about the past, present, and future while considering that you’re currently riding a train sitting backwards? Will you accept the wisdom of Chödrön’s simile?
Interestingly, I’ve found that the number of people who disturb themselves with unhelpful beliefs about life isn’t small in size. Some individuals unproductively demand that the tracks of life should, must, or ought to unfold according to their rigid commands.
They awfulize about how terrible or horrible it is that they aren’t the train driver. Not uncommonly, some of these people use low frustration tolerance when unfavorably convincing themselves that they can’t stand sharing a railcar with other individuals. They simply can’t abide that!
In fact, such people will globally evaluate the train ride altogether by uncharitably believing, “There’s nothing good about riding a train sitting backwards, because train rides are altogether miserable if I can’t see where I’m going or accurately recall where I’ve been!”
Perhaps these people will be served tainted food, as to put themselves out of their self-induced misery. Then again, measures don’t have to be that extreme in order to reduce self-disturbance.
Instead of an unexpected or self-induced death serving as an end to one’s destination, an individual can use techniques associated with Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) in order tolerate and accept what is an uncomfortable and uncertain ride along the tracks.
The path of life, represented herein by train tracks upon which a moving train travels while you’re riding a train sitting backwards, may be unpleasant at times. It can also be quite fun. Pleasure and pain, joy and sorrow are part of the journey. Call it “cliché” if you’d like.
Nevertheless, what you do while riding in a passenger car with others who are also subject to the twists and turns of uncertainty can make the difference regarding how your experience unwinds. Personally, wisdom related to what’s happening in this very instant makes for a better train ride.
Seeing and accepting this wisdom – inside of the train car and not reliant upon whatever is ahead or behind the passenger cabin – is a choice. So, what will you choose? If you’d like to know more about REBT, as a means of living well while upon uncertain tracks, I’m here to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Chödrön, P. (1997). When things fall apart: Heart advice for difficult times. Shambhala Publications, Inc. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/when-things-fall-apart-heart-advice-for-difficult-times-d188151265.html
Hollings, D. (2024, August 7). Awfulizing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/awfulizing
Hollings, D. (2023, May 15). Cognitive reframing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/cognitive-reframing
Hollings, D. (2023, April 22). Control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/control
Hollings, D. (2024, January 7). Delusion. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/delusion
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Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance
Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings
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Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous
Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought
Hollings, D. (2023, February 16). Tna. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/tna
Hollings, D. (2023, October 22). Unfalsifiability. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unfalsifiability
Thtitchok Sroiphet. (2024, August 15). Luxurious train interior [Image]. Playground. Retrieved from https://playground.com/post/luxurious-train-interior-opulent-with-gold-accents-dense-p-clzvaw1e000m4m8c50q8qrmfw
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Pema Chödrön. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pema_Ch%C3%B6dr%C3%B6n
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