When listening to a recent episode of the Lex Fridman podcast, in which the President of Argentina Javier Milei was being interviewed, I appreciated the guest’s description of a psychoeducational lesson I use with clients in regard to ideal- versus real-world consideration. Milei stated:
Let’s suppose that you don’t like rectangular tables, you prefer circular tables. Now, the reality is, I have only a few hours until I go and catch my flight, and the table is rectangular. You like a circular table, a round one, but there isn’t one. What you have is a rectangular table.
So either we do the interview here or we just can’t do it. So what do you do? You adapt to the current conditions. This is what there is.
Now…so then, you have some restrictions that you can change and others that you cannot. The idea is to modify all the ones that can be changed in the short-term and start working on those that can be modified in the medium- or long-term.
For example, for example, if you really like round tables, perhaps the next interview we may do at a round table. We’re going to try and solve it. But today it’s something we couldn’t possibly solve.
Regarding tables, from the perspective of Milei—no matter what you think or believe about him as a person or world leader—there’s a logical and reasonable (collectively “rational”) method of alleviating self-disturbance if an individual is willing to healthily adapt to what simply is.
This is precisely my approach to rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) as a collection of techniques which people can use to reduce self-induced suffering. Perhaps you wonder what I mean by suggesting that people tend to cause their own suffering.
REBT theory maintains that when an unexpected Activating event occurs and a person uses an irrational Belief about the situation, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the undesirable circumstance that causes unpleasant emotional, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
Rather than remaining self-disturbed, an individual is invited to try Disputation which may lead to an Effective new belief that’s used in place of an unproductive self-narrative. With the ABC model, a person learns to stop needless suffering which is caused by unhelpful assumptions.
The four major irrational beliefs recognized in REBT literature are (G)lobal evaluations, (L)ow frustration tolerance, (A)wfulizing, and (D)emandingness. In a blogpost entitled From G.L.A.D. to Mad, I stated of these beliefs:
When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym G.L.A.D. For instance, consider the following examples:
(G)lobal evaluations – “Life isn’t worth living if I’m not accepted by other people.”
(L)ow frustration tolerance – “I can’t stand not being accepted by other people.”
(A)wfulizing – “It would be awful if I weren’t accepted by other people.”
(D)emandingness – “I must be accepted by other people.”
In the context of upsetting oneself, an individual can go from use of G.L.A.D. beliefs to a mad disposition very quickly.
Understanding of the ABC model and how the process of self-disturbance occurs is important when contemplating Milei’s proposition. To begin with, the Argentinian president proposes a hypothetical scenario regarding tables.
Although you may like or prefer circular tables, you’re faced with a non-circular table in reality—the world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them. This matter involves two concepts which I teach to clients.
First, there’s a difference between description and prescription. Describing what you like or prefer isn’t necessarily unhelpful. For instance, suppose that you flexibly prefer round tables to rectangular tables. No problem.
However, from an REBT perspective, when people inflexibly prescribe what should, must, or ought to be, this unhelpful form of demandingness results in self-disturbance. This is because you retain your preferences and other people also have converging preferences of their own.
Who’s to say that I should like what you like? Merely describing what you prefer is fine, though when rigidly prescribing what ought to be, you will likely cause yourself and others a great deal of unpleasant consequences.
Secondly, the is-ought problem – about which I’ve written extensively within my blog – relates to self-disturbance that occurs when you try to derive an ought from an is. As an example, you see a rectangular table (is) and unhelpfully demand that it ought not to be.
When reality (is) doesn’t conform to your irrational belief about what ought to instead be the case, you will probably cause yourself and others unwanted consequences. Thus, when faced with a rectangular table, you can merely tolerate and accept what is instead of self-disturbing.
Regarding tables, Milei proposes that when facing the is-ought problem, you can “adapt to the current conditions.” If you unfavorably perceive this as a form of giving in and letting others have their way, then you’ll likely continue to struggle with demandingness.
Perceiving yourself as a victim of what simply is, because your ideal-world demands aren’t met, rather than flexibly adapting to real-world conditions, you’ll possibly self-disturb while the rest of the world continues functioning as it already is. You harm only yourself in this regard.
Remarkably, Milei proposes that “you can change” some restrictions and there are “others that you cannot.” This proposition is in accordance with what I teach clients about the circles of control, influence, and concern.
Within the circle of control is only you. You can control what you eat, when you got to bed, and other matters. However, even within this circle, you are limited. For instance, you can’t fully control your thoughts or autonomic processes.
Within the circle of influence are the people with whom you come into contact, whether directly or indirectly. You have no control and a limited ability to persuade other individuals. Therefore, you try to influence who, what, when, where, and how you can, though you do so flexibly.
Within the circle of concern is almost everything else. In this sphere, you have no control and exceedingly limited (if at all) influence. Content in this circle relates to the past, natural disasters, global conflicts, and the like. Here, you can disabuse yourself of the idea of control or influence.
Even outside of these circles is the area of no concern. Anything beyond the circle of concern rests within this abstract zone. It relates to other dimensions, alternate timelines, multiple universes, and such. It’s pointless to self-disturb about these imagined possibilities.
Therefore, when facing the is-ought problem while understanding the description-prescription paradigm, you can flexibly try to change what “can be changed in the short-term and start working on those that can be modified in the medium- or long-term,” per Milei. I concur.
Noteworthy, trying and doing are separate matters. Likewise, understanding that even when you try you may not succeed – and unconditionally accepting the limits of your control and influence is the key to not self-disturbing in life. Milei appears to understand this method of rational living.
Regarding tables and Milei’s proposition, you now have knowledge about how to alleviate self-induced suffering. Whether or not you apply this knowledge is another matter altogether. If you’d like to know more about REBT, I’m here to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
Photo credit (edited), fair use
References:
Freepik. (n.d.). Top view of empty restaurant tables with realistic design [Image]. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/top-view-empty-restaurant-tables-with-realistic-design_2933978.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=18&uuid=a4def313-e0f1-404c-af8b-81d47ae38dae
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