When I was a child, I had a number of big brothers assigned to me at different times, in association with the non-profit organization Big Brothers Big Sisters of America. My favorite of those assigned to me was a man who played the French horn for The Amarillo Symphony.
My big brother was the person who introduced me to ballet and I was frequently able to attend performances to which he contributed. Something about the loud music, colorful costumes, and graceful dancing soothed me during a time in my life when traumatic experience was a mainstay.
I last had contact with my big brother when I was in fifth grade, though I maintained continued interest in ballet. In high school, I met a ballerina who attended the same debate club of which I was a member until I was disinvited by the educator in charge, because of my unruly attitude.
My ballerina friend invited me to a number of her recitals and I thoroughly enjoyed watching as she practiced her craft. If memory serves, I recall her being one of the friendliest and most agile people I’d met up until that point in my life.
Later, when serving in the Marine Corps, I was able to watch ballet performances in other countries. As an example, in Lima, Peru, I saw a rendition of The Nutcracker that was unlike any production of the ballet I’d seen before.
That performance occurred at a stressful time during military service in which suppressed effects of trauma finally caught up to me. Not long after attending my final ballet in South America, I was kicked out of the Marine detachment of which I was a member for only eight months.
In elementary and high school, and as an adult in the military, I maintained unhelpful beliefs about traumatic experiences. These unproductive assumptions were usually quite rigid—deficient in or devoid of flexibility.
From birth until early adulthood, I knew nothing of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) or the process of self-disturbance—what occurs when people use irrational beliefs about undesirable events and upset themselves with an outcome involving unpleasant consequences.
Therefore, listening to symphonic music and observing ballets served as a means of escapism for me. Rather than addressing the cognitive content that didn’t serve my interests and goals, I self-soothed with auditory and visual stimulation.
Fascinatingly, the rigidity of my beliefs which caused unhealthy negative emotions, uncomfortable bodily sensations, and nonadaptive behavior was balanced by melodic and optical flexibility—the ability to adapt to new, different, or changing requirements.
For instance, when my big brother played his instrument, he did so rigorously though not rigidly. This is because he needed to adapt to the ever-changing tempo and influence of other instruments around him.
Likewise, my ballerina friend performed deliberate though not stringent movements with her body. This is because she needed to alter her moves in unison with changing requirements of a dance performance.
Now that I know of and practice REBT on a daily basis, I keep in mind the need for flexibility that I learned from my big brother and ballerina friend. As well, per page 211 of The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion, I use flexibility and not rigidity when practicing REBT with clients.
Notwithstanding my frequent use of REBT, I still appreciate the process of self-soothing with symphonic music – though I don’t do so as a means of escape. Although I haven’t attended a ballet performance in many years, I remain fond of memories related to productions of the past.
Given this relatively brief lesson on REBT flexibility, how might you employ use of flexible and rigorous action toward self-help so that you may actually get better (doing the work) rather than seeking to merely feel better (self-soothing)?
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Dryden, W. and Neenan, M. (2003). The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion. Albert Ellis Institute. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-rebt-therapists-pocket-companion-d185164652.html
Freepik. (n.d.). Young adult performing modern dance choreography [Image]. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/young-adult-performing-modern-dance-choreography_27297840.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=7&uuid=ca26cb34-f405-40fd-8914-628e8d2c02dc
Hollings, D. (2024, May 8). At what point is it just getting high? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/at-what-point-is-it-just-getting-high
Hollings, D. (2022, November 18). Big T, little t. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/big-t-little-t
Hollings, D. (2024, March 19). Consequences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/consequences
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2024, February 25). Doing the work. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/doing-the-work
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2024, January 2). Interests and goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/interests-and-goals
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2024, June 2). Nonadaptive behavior. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/nonadaptive-behavior
Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous
Hollings, D. (2024, May 6). Self-care. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-care
Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2024, June 5). Self-help. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-help
Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation
Hollings, D. (2024, March 18). Unhealthy vs. healthy negative emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhealthy-vs-healthy-negative-emotions
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