I entered the Marine Corps in 1996, with a contract for military police (MP). During my time as a law enforcement officer (LEO) I received training and practical application experience in basic and advanced lifesaving techniques to include cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR).
Although the following narrative isn’t in relation to personal experience, forgive me an anecdote. A fellow MP with whom I worked when stationed in Okinawa, Japan between 1997 and 1999 was called to the scene of a suicide completion.
Essentially, an Okinawan dependent wife jumped from the seventh story of a housing tower to her death, if memory serves. The LEO followed training by administering CPR to the victim’s body until proper medical authorities arrived to pronounce the woman dead.
Having inspected the aftermath of the scene and observed that the woman’s body left an imprint in the ground, I spoke with the MP about his experience. “I just kept applying chest compressions, but there was no helping her; she was already gone,” he replied.
With a glazed-over look in his eyes, the LEO told me that both solid and liquid matter exited the woman’s body and he could feel shattered bones as his hands sunk into her chest. Successful in her act of suicide, the MP’s reaction to the event had consequences.
Viewing this matter through the lens of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT), I invite you to consider the ABC model and how people upset themselves through use of unhelpful beliefs. For clarity, I’ll stick with the example of the MP with whom I once worked.
REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what cause unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. In REBT, the process of upsetting oneself with these unfavorable beliefs is referred to as self-disturbance.
It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.
Although still serving as a form of prescription rather than description, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal should beliefs doesn’t necessarily lead to self-upset. Here, rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.
Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of these unproductive assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Noteworthy, Actions and Consequences aren’t Disputed, only unproductive Beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, if you jump from a seventh story window (Action), then you may die (Consequence). From an A-C perspective, catastrophic organ failure from an abrupt impact with the ground can cause death.
Still, it’s worth noting that unhelpful reactions to Actions may lead to Consequences. Such reactions are caused by the B-C and not A-C connection.
For instance, the MP who applied chest compressions to a corpse (Action) and who unhelpfully Believed, “This is awful and I’m useless as a first responder when having to apply CPR with someone who’s already dead” self-disturbed into a sorrowful disposition (Consequence).
It wasn’t the act of CPR that caused sorrow, heaviness in his body, and questionable behavior whereby he sat alone in a dark room for a week following the undesirable event. Instead, his reaction through use of an unproductive attitude caused an unpleasant outcome.
Reactions have consequences. Without knowledge of REBT at the time, other MPs and I coped with what we experienced through use of gallows humor, also called dark humor—humor that makes fun of a life-threatening, disastrous, or terrifying situation.
As an example, many suicide and accidental death calls to which I responded for my two-year period in Okinawa were referred to with a crude manner of expressing a dead on arrival call: “DRT” (dead right there). Importantly, LEOs weren’t permitted to pronounce death on-scene.
Therefore, we used dark humor with activating events in which we were helpless at saving lives. For instance, one may say, “Did you see the impression on the ground that meat sack left? She was DRT!”
Unpredictably, several years after I left Okinawa and was stationed aboard Marine Corps Air Station Miramar in San Diego, California, legendary hip hop duo Gang Starr released their album The Ownerz (2003). Featuring Jadakiss, track number five was entitled “Rite Where U Stand” (right where you stand). Lyrics include:
It don’t matter, you don’t have to be liking me, man
Keep playing; you’ll be laying there, right where you stand
Gun on my waist, knife in my hand
I keep telling you cowards
I’ma leave you there, right where you stand
I don’t want to talk and I ain’t trying to fight with your man
Trying to get it over quick, leave you right where you stand
Some say I’m trifling; sometimes I rightfully am
But I don’t give a fuck, I’ma leave you right where you stand
Although people who typically don’t appreciate rap music may scoff at the song, it’s reportedly considered a classic hip hop contribution by even the likes of Ed Sheeran. In any case, the track expresses DRT sentiment from a self-disturbed B-C connection.
Person X initiates confrontation with person Y (Action), person Y unfavorably Believes, “I can’t stand being disrespected, so I’m leaving person X right where he stands,” and this unhelpful self-narrative causes the Consequence of anger and homicidal behavior. Reactions have outcomes.
The people often tasked with responding to matters of death are LEOs. However, it’s more likely that an individual who isn’t a first responder will be exposed to or may discover a dying or dead person before LEOs are contacted.
Therefore, it isn’t uncommon for civilians to undergo training for lifesaving techniques. Fast-forward almost two decades after a fellow MP self-disturbed in regard to having used CPR, and I found myself attending a basic lifesaving class in the civil sector.
Employed by the United States (U.S.) Department of Veterans Affairs (VA), social workers were required to know CPR when working at a large VA hospital. Unfortunately, there were unintended consequences which were worth considering before using this lifesaving technique.
In particular, at the time I was employed, employees of the VA could be punished for merely looking in the direction of another employee for too long. Forbid if anyone were to make an imprecise compliment or accidentally brush against another employee.
In my opinion, there was an overemphasis on sexual harassment—a type of harassment that involves the use of explicit or implicit sexual overtones. This form of workplace misconduct is highly subjective in nature. It also is the product of reactions which aren’t productive.
For example, if I were to hypothetically daydream about swimming with dolphins while mindlessly staring in the direction of a female coworker and she misconstrued my action as ogling behavior, I could’ve been punished. Thankfully, this is a mere hypothetical example.
Nevertheless, the unintended consequence of an overreaction to sexual harassment gave me pause when contemplating whether or not I’d use CPR on a female in the workplace. Was lifesaving worth the potential of an A-C connection whereby my career could be DRT?
Some people may suggest that life is more valuable than one’s career or reputation. Others may disagree. Case in point, one source recently reported:
One in three Britons are afraid to give women CPR because they are worried about touching their breasts, a study reveals.
The same proportion of men (33 per cent) also fear being accused of ‘inappropriate’ touching when giving women chest compressions.
However, just 13 per cent of women have the same reservations, according to the survey of 1,000 UK adults for St John Ambulance.
The first aid charity warned the sexual taboo is putting women at greater risk of dying from cardiac arrest and stressed: ‘When it comes to CPR, every body is the same.’
I don’t dare to speak on behalf of all men. Therefore, I’ll constrain my argument to one of a personal nature. I have over a decade of LEO training and experience in regard to lifesaving skills.
As well, I’m well aware of feminist rhetoric that presents a social danger of men being unproductively labeled as sexual harassers for merely glancing at a woman, let along touching her whether consensual or not. I suspect that offering evidence to support this claim is in order.
In 2016, when running for the U.S. presidency, it was widely reported that Donald Trump stated, “I’m automatically attracted to beautiful women — I just start kissing them, it’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.”
Set aside whatever you think or feel about Trump. I invite you to use logical and reasonable (collectively “rational”) thinking for a moment. To “let” someone do something is to allow an individual to perform an act. This means it’s a consensual act.
In the case of Trump, grabbing women by the pussy was expressed as a matter of consent. I know many males and females who’ve consensually finger-banged females. However, there are still people to this day who believe that Trump bragged about sexually assaulting women.
Sexual assault is arguably far more damaging to one’s reputation than sexual harassment. With this in mind, now imagine that a man comes across a woman in need of CPR. Unlike consensual finger-banging for pleasure, he’s faced with nonconsensual touching in the interest of lifesaving.
Maybe the woman regains consciousness and uses a feminist lens regarding the matter. Perhaps onlookers unhelpfully do the same thing. Unproductive reactions such as these have consequences.
Therefore, I propose that it’s rational for men to choose not to employ use of CPR – a technique with a reported 7.6% effective rate – when males stand a higher probability of being accused of sexual harassment or assault. How could any rational individual argue otherwise?
In essence, regarding Western societies in which men have been vilified and sexuality has been weaponized, it isn’t irrational to conclude that feminist-driven reactions have consequences. A woman may be DRT, right where she stands or lies, until unhelpful reactions are discontinued.
Perhaps you disagree with my stance. Maybe you think the 7.6% chance of saving a life is worth public shame, a lawsuit, or potential criminal charges. I’m willing to hear you out and possibly change my mind. After all, this is precisely the function of REBT.
Beliefs are challenged. Unhelpful assumptions are then replaced with more adaptive beliefs. Thus, I’m open to the notion that men recommendatorily should sacrifice ourselves for women. However, you’ll need more evidence than irrational appeals to emotion in order to convince me.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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