Increasingly, I’ve noticed that through practice of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) with clients, many people seem to remain unfamiliar with the concept of a virtue—conformity to a standard of right or wrong; morality. Still, I’m uncertain as to what the cause is for such ignorance—lack of knowledge. Regarding virtue, one source states:
A virtue (Latin: virtus) is a trait of excellence, including traits that may be moral, social, or intellectual. The cultivation and refinement of virtue is held to be the “good of humanity” and thus is valued as an end purpose of life or a foundational principle of being.
In human practical ethics, a virtue is a disposition to choose actions that succeed in showing high moral standards: doing what is right and avoiding what is wrong in a given field of endeavor, even when doing so may be unnecessary from a utilitarian perspective. When someone takes pleasure in doing what is right, even when it is difficult or initially unpleasant, they can establish virtue as a habit.
Such a person is said to be virtuous through having cultivated such a disposition. The opposite of virtue is vice, and the vicious person takes pleasure in habitual wrong-doing to their detriment.
In general terms, I maintain personal morals (of or relating to principles of right and wrong in behavior) and ethics (based on morals, rules or principles by which one pledges to live). As an example, I believe it’s wrong to intentionally cause harm to children.
This belief is in accordance with the non-aggression principle (NAP). As well, the NAP is based upon the virtue of patience. As such, under most circumstances, I consider it virtuous to use patience before aggressing against another individual. Moreover, children are afforded extra protection.
Nevertheless, I don’t consider myself a moral arbiter of the universe – essentially a godlike being that remains capable of declaring what is good or bad, right or wrong, or otherwise concerning other individuals. Still, this doesn’t mean that I don’t have an opinion about the behavior of others.
For instance, when I learn about a person who has harmed a child, I deem such behavior as bad or wrong. However, through the perspective of REBT, I don’t consider the perpetrating person a bad or wrong individual.
Rather, I acknowledge that people are fallible human beings who tend to behave in ways contradictory to my personal moral and ethical standards. And why wouldn’t they? Not everyone agrees with what I consider virtuous.
Likewise, I don’t agree with some virtues maintained by other people. To resolve the conflict between personal and societal virtue, I focus on what I can control or influence. For clarity, I can control only myself and to a limited degree.
As an example, I can’t – using ability of my conscious mind – stop my heart from beating. On the other hand, I can control whether or not I eat an entire box of donuts. In this way, the virtue of self-discipline regarding how I behave is of important to me.
Similarly, although I can’t control other individuals, I may be able to influence them. For instance, I practice REBT with clients in hopes of helping people get better rather than to merely feel better.
Nevertheless, if people don’t maintain self-improvement as a personal virtue, they may not be open to my attempt to influence their behavior. Thus, the conflict between my own virtues and those related to other people is filtered by truth concerning matters of control and influence.
Worth noting, what one currently considers virtuous may change over time and to the contrary, some virtues remain consistent even though ideological elements underlying these qualities may change. To give a personal example, I once subscribed to Judeo-Christian virtues. Regarding this matter, one source states:
In Christian tradition, the seven heavenly virtues combine the four cardinal virtues of prudence, justice, temperance, and fortitude with the three theological virtues of faith, hope, and charity.
The seven capital virtues, also known as contrary or remedial virtues, are those opposite the seven deadly sins. They are often enumerated as chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility.
Having practiced such virtues imperfectly as a Christian, I’ve since de-identified with religiosity. Still, I value the Judeo-Christian virtues with which I was raised. Now, as I frequently practice REBT in my personal life, I also value Stoic virtues. Of these, in a blogpost entitled Stoicism, I stated:
Noteworthy, it isn’t enough to merely understand or believe in REBT and Stoic philosophy. Practical application of theoretical and philosophical tenets is required. This involves consideration of Stoic virtues (wisdom, courage, temperance or moderation, and justice).
Prudence, temperance, and moderation are shared virtues from my past. Likewise, justice is a core virtue that has remained the same for me. Still, Stoic virtues regarding wisdom and courage augment nicely with my foundational virtues from childhood.
It’s worth stating that as a flawed individual I’m incapable of achieving perfection. Therefore, virtues are aspirational qualities up to which I try to live. As an example, while I value moderation, I sometimes overeat in regard to sweets (e.g., eating a lot of donuts).
Therefore, I use unconditional self-acceptance when imperfectly maintaining virtues. Another set of virtues I appreciate, though which are associated with an ideology or spiritual practice to which I’m not identified, are those related to Buddhism. Regarding these, one source states:
At the core of these virtues are the three roots of non-attachment (araga), benevolence (advesa), and understanding (amoha).
One list of virtues which is widely promoted in Buddhism are the Pāramitās (perfections) – Dāna (generosity), Sīla (proper conduct), Nekkhamma (renunciation), Paññā (wisdom), Viriya (energy), Khanti (patience), Sacca (honesty), Adhiṭṭhāna (determination), Mettā (Good-Will), Upekkhā (equanimity).
The Four divine abidings (Brahmaviharas) are seen as central virtues and intentions in Buddhist ethics, psychology and meditation. The four divine abidings are good will, compassion, empathetic joy, and equanimity. Developing these virtues through meditation and right action promotes happiness, generates good merit and trains the mind for ethical action.
As one may notice, there’s significant overlap with Buddhist virtues and those I’ve maintained since childhood. Interestingly, even those virtues stemming from ideologies which may seem antithetical to the Judeo-Christian values with which I was raised retain relevance to me.
According to one source, “Satanic virtues’ – a concept as blasphemous as ‘Satanic sins’. For those who’ve delved into this rich praxis called Satanism, it is apparent that virtue is as hollow a concept as sin.” Nevertheless, the source goes on to posit the following Satanic virtues:
· Intelligence
· Competency
· Acceptance
· Self-awareness
· Individuality
· Perspective
· Appreciation of history
· Pragmatism
· Refined aesthetics
One suspects that the reader likely concurs with at least one or two of these virtues. Additionally, a central component of REBT is unconditional acceptance. Thus, even the practice of Satanism, at minimal, partially aligns with some virtues I practice on a daily basis. Noteworthy, I agree with what one source states:
Virtues are positive personal strengths that enable behaviors and actions that reflect high moral standards. Virtues are empowering and are key to fulfilling an individual’s potential. Virtue formation includes the actions related to forming or the process of forming virtues whether for individual or societal growth. This can be accomplished with modeling and teaching.
Ultimately, merely because I appreciate an attempt to live a virtuous life doesn’t mean that other people should, must, or ought to believe or behave in a similar manner. For instance, if another person doesn’t value the NAP, I’m not going to self-disturb with beliefs about the individual’s values or lack thereof.
Therefore, I invite my clients to consider that there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use to upset themselves: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Awareness of how self-disturbance occurs is important when people don’t maintain similar virtues as other individuals.
Additionally, I encourage my clients to practice unconditional acceptance to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
In this way, one can accept oneself as a fallible human being, accept that others are also flawed, and accept the imperfection of life. Moreover, a person can tolerate and accept one’s own shortcomings in regard to virtue and allow for perceived deficiencies regarding the virtues of others.
Herein, I’ve addressed what virtue is, illustrated various examples of virtue, and demonstrated how practice of REBT incorporates virtue into this psychotherapeutic modality. Conclusively, virtue is a method of balancing one’s imperfect nature with aspirational goals.
As such, I help people by incorporating their personal virtues into individualized behavioral health care strategies. If you’d like to know more about how to lead a virtuous life – regardless of whether or not you maintain religious, spiritual, or secular views – I’m here to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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