In childhood, both of my parents communicated their highly paranoid beliefs about how unsafe the world was. Transitioning into adulthood, I adopted those beliefs and adapted my behavior accordingly when joining the military.
My primary job in the Marine Corps was military police (MP). In that capacity, I learned of how volatile the socially-constructed cloth of civility actually was. Although individuals may believe that society is established on a social contract of cooperation and balance, this matter is far more complex than that.
A contract exists between two or more parties consenting to honor a legally enforceable agreement. In order to serve as a proper contract, each party knows of and understands the rules, as well as conceding consequences regarding violation of the agreement.
As an MP, I was introduced to those people within society – even within a military institution retaining rigid rules and operating according to a subculture of strict obedience to orders – who couldn’t have cared less about social contracts. In particular, I engaged with people who demonstrated traits associated with psychopathy.
My secondary job in the Corps was as a Marine security guard (MSG). In that role, I was introduced to how behavior I observed as an MP was magnified on a global scale. As a member of two tactical teams, I trained for potential hostile action regarding people with violent behavior.
As though my role as an MP hadn’t already led to cynicism regarding humanity, my function as an MSG solidified by belief that the world was an unsafe place, as I now understand how this belief impacted my behavior. Assessing the matter through the lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), consider the following.
REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example of an A-C connection, standing with my back exposed to others as an MP (Action) could’ve resulted in a surprise attack from an assailant (Consequence). Events occurring in the natural world can indeed lead to unsafe outcomes.
Still, demonstrating a B-C connection, imagining that an assailant attacks me from behind (Action) and I unhelpfully Believing, “I shouldn’t allow it,” my unproductive assumption causes fear (Consequence). Thus, from a psychological standpoint, I disturb myself in association with imagination.
Noteworthy, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
A lifelong self-disturbing belief I’ve often used relates to a global evaluation of safety. For instance, believing, “The world is entirely unsafe” frames every adult occupying the world as a potential threat.
Therefore, maintenance of an inflexible demand placed upon myself not to allow unforeseen danger to harm me is directly tied to an absolutistic global evaluation. In REBT, this is understood as the process of self-disturbance.
If left undisputed or if I don’t learn to tolerate and accept that I can’t control or influence all safety matters in life, my beliefs could – and indeed have – caused posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This is an unpleasant outcome.
Noteworthy, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance , unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
Thus, reduction of PTSD symptoms may occur from the disputation of irrational beliefs and the practice of UA. This is true even when considering that in childhood and the military I experienced multiple traumatic stressors which reinforced my beliefs about safety.
Even as a professional REBT practitioner, it can be difficult to recognize my nonadaptive behavior. By “nonadaptive,” I’m referring to that which doesn’t contribute to the fitness, performance, or survival of an organism or its parts.
Although it may be adaptive to flexibly stand with my back against a wall, inflexibly maintaining that I must do so because no adults are safe is where the nonadaptive qualifier comes into play. There’s nothing inherently unhelpful about the former though the latter isn’t necessarily productive.
As an example, in March 2023, I attended a retirement ceremony for an MSG with whom I served. While at his home and in the company of many adults I didn’t know, I was unaware of having reverted by to behavior indicative of safetyism by standing with my back to a wall:
It wasn’t until I later looked at photos from the event that I realized what I’d done. About this matter, I have no guilt or shame. Rather, I gained awareness of my nonadaptive behavior. Still, I’m a fallible human being, as I subsequently exhibited similar behavior when at another social event in June 2023:
Although standing with my back to a wall may prevent a would-be assailant from sneaking up behind me and causing harm, I wasn’t in any real danger at either of the March or June events. Rather, as my favorite song from The Temptations, “Just My Imagination (Running Away with Me),” states, “But it was just my imagination runnin’ away with me.”
Contemplating how my imagined assessment of life leads to real-world behavioral consequences, I consider my belief about safety as that which causes nonadaptive behavior. Regarding this matter, one REBT source states:
In REBT, to be rational, it is necessary to be (a) flexible and nonextreme, (b) pragmatic, (c) logical, and (d) reality based. Thus rationality is defined as that which is adaptable and moderate, helps people to achieve their basic goals and purposes, is logical, and is empirically consistent with reality. Conversely, irrationality refers to that which is rigid and extreme, prevents people from achieving their basic goals and purposes, is illogical, and is empirically inconsistent with reality.
Demonstrating the inflexible and extreme, non-pragmatic, illogical, and imagination-based belief that results in my nonadaptive behavior, consider the following syllogism:
Form –
If p, then q; if q, then r; therefore, if p, then r.
Example –
If the world is a dangerous place, then I could be harmed at any moment.
If I could be harmed at any moment, then I must protect against imagined threats.
Therefore, if the world is a dangerous place, then I must protect against imagined threats.
The important distinction to understand about this self-disturbing belief structure relates to the difference between descriptive and prescriptive narratives. That which describes merely states what is while that which prescribes essentially expresses what should, must, or ought to be.
The first half of the major premise indicates a rigid and extreme perspective of the world which some people may consider non-pragmatic. However, the second half of the major premise is logical and based in reality. Truly, anyone could be harmed at any moment.
Combining irrationality with rationality gives the appearance of a logical and reasonable premise that describes what is. Still, the second half of the minor premise carries an additional inflexible and non-pragmatic prescription about what must be the case in order to sustain life.
Therefore, the conclusion combines two unproductive perspectives which result in nonadaptive behavior. Thus, disputation and practice of UA is necessary in order to identify alternative adaptive responses.
While I can understand hesitance of a psychotherapist to use one’s own nonadaptive behavior as an example of self-disturbance from which others may learn, the current post serves as a form of shame attacking exercise. This is a common technique used in REBT.
By opening myself up to potential criticism from others (e.g., I can’t believe that a therapist would admit to unhealthy behavior), I increase my level of high frustration tolerance. This is resilience-building behavior, by exposing myself, as opposed to nonadaptive behavior that results in my back against a wall in public.
Additionally, I think it’s worth stating that in REBT people and events aren’t blamed for one’s own experience. My parents, past as an MP and MSG, or any other circumstances aren’t responsible or accountable for my behavior, as only I can claim personal ownership in this regard.
Ultimately, nonadaptive behavior, even the sort correlated with PTSD, is something that can be addressed through practice of REBT. If you’d like to know more about how this psychotherapeutic modality may benefit you, I look forward to hearing from you.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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