I grew up hearing derivatives of the phrase, “Opinions are like assholes – everybody’s got one, they all stink, and everybody thinks everyone else’s stinks, though of course not their own.” While humorous to me, this overgeneralization wasn’t entirely accurate.
In fact, some opinions aren’t smelly at all. Personally, the opinion that Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) may be useful at helping people to stop disturbing themselves doesn’t stink – at least not to me. Then again, you’re welcome to disagree.
My last sentence in the preceding paragraph is an example of flexible qualification. Although I believe REBT is helpful, I don’t cling to my opinion dogmatically—characterized by or given to the expression of opinions very strongly or positively, as if they were facts.
Thus, while I prefer to use REBT in my personal and professional life, I don’t rigidly declare that everyone else should, must, or ought to do so. As such, my opinion serves as a non-dogmatic preference.
Not always was my approach to life based on preferences. In fact, I once maintained an inflexible demandingness standard of the universe. When doing so it was as though I behaved in a godlike fashion by dogmatically announcing from upon high instructions by which life was to operate.
“I shall not make mistakes,” “Others shall not inconvenience me,” and, “Life shall be easy,” were the dogmatic opinions shat out from my cosmic and irrational belief-based asshole. One glaring problem with this approach was that, like me, other people had their own opinions which were like intergalactic asshole-originated demands.
“Deric, you shouldn’t expect me to obey your deified demands,” someone with a dissenting opinion may’ve believed. Thus, other people and I would engage in universal shoulding on one another. This process was quite messy and served neither of us well at all.
Regarding this matter, page 201 of The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion invites REBT practitioners to help understand that while demandingness may be motivating, these unhelpful beliefs may lead to self-disturbed behavior. Thus, non-dogmatic preferences may be both motivating and free of effects from such disturbance.
For instance, rather than engaging in terrestrial shoulding by believing that “others shall not inconvenience me,” I could instead rationally believe, “Although I’d prefer not to be inconvenienced, I’m not entitled to any particular treatment from other people.”
This non-dogmatic preference represents rational living, and it’s motivating while remaining free of effects from self-disturbance. When other people inevitably violate my preference, I won’t be upset, because a flexible desire isn’t the same thing as a shouldy (shitty) demand.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
BusinessAfricReussi ou BARC-TV. (2024, June 16). Collage of hundreds of galaxy shapes within a grand Milky Way […] [Image]. Playground. Retrieved from https://playground.com/post/collage-of-hundreds-of-galaxy-shapes-within-a-grand-milky-wa-clxhu1ovx06brgnnc9aqndq18
Dryden, W. and Neenan, M. (2003). The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion. Albert Ellis Institute. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-rebt-therapists-pocket-companion-d185164652.html
Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2023, May 18). Irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2024, May 15). Rational living. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-living
Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous
Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought
Hollings, D. (2024, April 9). Shoulding at the supermarket. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/shoulding-at-the-supermarket
Comments