Non-Aggression Principle - Don't Put Your Hands on Me

[DISCLAIMER]

Personal Anecdotes

When providing psychoeducational lessons regarding my approach to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) within my blog, I employ the tool known as use of self—the ways in which a psychotherapist draws upon one’s own experience to enhance the therapeutic process.

Often this demonstrative method involves admitting mistakes or questionable behavior of one’s past. To illustrate the use of self, forgive me a number of personal anecdotes.

In my youth I was prone to violence—having a tendency or inclination towards acts of violence (use of physical force so as to injure, abuse, damage, or destroy). Whether or not I was genetically predisposed, environmentally susceptible, or merely self-disturbed is a matter of debate.

As an example of my unproductive tendency, it was in elementary school that I attempted to end the lives of two family members through use of a knife and by way of murder—the crime of unlawfully and unjustifiably killing a person. Thankfully, I was unsuccessful in that attempt.

In middle school, I threatened to decapitate a family member with a knife. This occurred as she was in the process of battering another family member who I sought to protect. Fortunately, my verbal warning was heeded as I stood in a ready posture to execute the threat.

In high school, I carried an assortment of weapons (i.e., fist loads, golf clubs, knives, and occasionally a pistol). Thus, in 1994, I was investigated by law enforcement (LE) personnel when I responded by pulling a knife when a non-family member pulled a switchblade on me.

The police report concluded, “Both the complainant and the suspect engaged in mutual combat. Both apparently had some sort of knife. No charges filed.” Appreciatively, there were no physical injuries which occurred at that time. (Not all events at that age ended as favorably.)

Also in high school, I befriended a number of gang members. Although I wasn’t formally affiliated with any criminal organization, I was prepared to use violence on behalf of my friends. The details of this admission remain guarded. Still, I favorably wasn’t charged with crimes.

Not long after graduating high school I joined the Marine Corps under a guaranteed contract for military police. As a member of LE, it was my duty to interact with trained killers (i.e., Marines) who also tended toward violence – though regarding a nationally-approved military mission.

While on voluntary appellate leave from the Corps, I was non-credibly accused of intimidation (assault by threat of a family member) by allegedly stating that I would “put a bullet hole in each of her [family member] eye sockets, fuck your skull, throw it down the stairs and piss on it.”

Aside from the fact that such a threat was never communicated by me, the district attorney concluded that there was insufficient evidence to process a charge. Thus, the astonishing claim was deemed “unfounded.” Regarding this matter of justice, I remain grateful.

A few years after my discharge from the Corps, when attending graduate school for counseling, I was again non-credibly accused of a crime. This time it regarded aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Appreciatively, that case was resolved without formal charges being brought.

During that time I learned about REBT. Regardless of whether or not I was genetically predisposed, environmentally susceptible, or merely self-disturbed toward violence, I discovered a helpful method of un-disturbing myself and altogether forewent unnecessary violent behavior.

REBT

REBT is a form of cognitive behavior therapy that demonstrates how people upset themselves with unfavorable beliefs. Although this may seem like an odd proposition, I invite you to consider how this psychotherapeutic modality works.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Actions occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about these events, one’s unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what cause unpleasant cognitive, emotive, sensational, and behavioral Consequences.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. A helpful acronym for these self-disturbing beliefs is: GLAD. When using GLAD, you’ll make yourself mad or sad.

Regarding self-disturbance which is caused by unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model uses Disputation of unproductive assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Noteworthy, Actions and Consequences aren’t Disputed, as only unproductive Beliefs are challenged.

From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

As an example, when fighting a fellow resident at a children’s home in which I was placed during middle and high school (Action), I sustained multiple contusions (Consequence). From an A-C perspective, closed fist strikes to my face and body caused bruising. 

Noteworthy, my threat of using nunchaku (“nunchucks”) which I wielded while battering my roommate played a key role in that physical confrontation. My assailant was significantly larger than me, and I foolishly brandished a weapon that he wrestled from my hands to use against me.

My roommate lifted his arm to strike me with the seized weapon (Action) and I then Believed, “This piece of shit [G] is gonna hit me and I can’t stand [L] that this is happening, because it’ll be horrible [A] to be hit with my own weapon, as I shouldn’t [D] be in this situation!”

With that unhelpful Belief, I experienced racing thoughts (cognitive), fear (emotive), and tingling throughout my body (sensation), as I vigorously tried to wrestle the nunchucks from his possession (behavior) – which was all a Consequence of my B-C (GLAD) self-narrative.

Providentially, a house parent intervened and I wasn’t struck with nunchucks on that morning before I attended school. Back then, I knew nothing about REBT or how to un-disturb myself. The ABC model could’ve come in handy as a preventative strategy regarding that altercation.

Likewise, use of unconditional acceptance (UA) as an abortive strategy to self-upset could’ve better served my interests and goals. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.

Whether through prevention of the ABC model or abortion of UA, the overwhelming majority of violent episodes I’ve experienced in life could’ve been resolved by use of REBT. I suppose it’s better late than never to have learned about this helpful method of rational living.

Aggression

I often work with clients for what is colloquially known as “anger management” issues. Rather than villainizing the naturally-occurring and sometimes useful emotion of anger, I prefer to treat rage, hostility, violence, and aggression. Often, these elements relate to the latter term.

In common parlance, aggression is defined as a forceful action or procedure (such as an unprovoked attack) especially when intended to dominate or master, and hostile, injurious, or destructive behavior or outlook especially when accompanied by unhealthy frustration or anger.

While this definition may suffice for ordinary word use, in the field of mental, emotional, and behavioral health, aggression relates to a more nuanced perspective. For instance, the American Psychological Association states of this experience:

[B]ehavior aimed at harming others physically or psychologically. It can be distinguished from anger in that anger is oriented at overcoming the target but not necessarily through harm or destruction. When such behavior is purposively performed with the primary goal of intentional injury or destruction, it is termed hostile aggression […]

One of the most influential classification schemes has been that proposed in 1968 by U.S. physiological psychologist Kenneth Evan Moyer (1919–2006). It describes predatory aggression to obtain food and the converse antipredatory aggression, territorial aggression to repel intruders from an area, intermale aggression against a competitor, fear-induced aggression, irritable aggression in response to pain or deprivation of an item required for survival, sexual aggression to secure mates, maternal aggression to protect young offspring, and instrumental aggression.

Just as there are different forms of anger, there are various types of aggression. Regardless of whether or not one is predisposed, susceptible, or self-disturbed toward aggression, I argue that maintenance of a helpful limiting principle can assist in the reduction of violent episodes.

The NAP

Just as knowledge and understanding of REBT techniques could’ve benefited me earlier in life, it would’ve been useful to know about a comprehensive and fundamental law, doctrine, or assumption pertaining to aggression. Regarding such a principle, one source states:

The Non-Aggression Principle (NAP) is a concept in which “aggression” – defined as initiating or threatening any forceful interference with an individual, their property or their agreements (contracts) – is illegitimate and should be prohibited.

Interpretations of the NAP vary, particularly concerning issues like intellectual property, force, and abortion. The Non-Aggression Principle is considered by some to be a defining principle of libertarianism.

Viewing this description of the NAP through the lens of REBT, I consider inflexible forms of demandingness (i.e., absolutistic and conditional shoulds, musts, or oughts) versus flexible forms (i.e., ideal, empirical, preferential, and recommendatory shoulds, musts, or oughts), such as:

·  Absolutistic – Under no circumstances whatsoever should you aggress upon me!

·  Conditional – If you aggress upon me, then I must aggress upon you.

·  Ideal – In a perfect world, you ought not to aggress upon me.

·  Empirical – The law states that you shouldn’t aggress upon me with a weapon.

·  Preferential – I’m partial to the idea that you oughtn’t to aggress upon me.

·  Recommendatory – I’d advise that you shouldn’t aggress upon me.

It’s arguable as to whether or not the NAP fits inflexible, flexible, or both forms of demandingness. As an example, consider the Gadsden flag (a timber rattlesnake coiled and ready to strike; “Don’t [sic] tread on me”) that ostensibly communicates an NAP standard of living.

Is the rattlesnake depicted on the flag, used by libertarians as a symbol to represent individual rights and limited government, communicating an inflexible absolutistic message of hostile intent, or is it that the flexible message instead serves as a recommendatory should narrative?

One wonders about the intentions of those who criticize the axiom while attempting to logically and reasonably justify their arguably immoral and unethical actions when aggressing upon others. (Why tread on the snake?) In any case, one source clarifies of the NAP:

The axiom has various formulations, but two especially influential 20th-​century formulations are those of Ayn Rand and Murray Rothbard, who appear to have originated the term. Ayn Rand maintained that “no man may initiate the use of physical force against others.… Men have the right to use physical force only in retaliation and only against those who initiate its use.” This quote is similar to Murray Rothbard’s thesis that “no man or group of men may aggress against the person or property of anyone else.”

Understandably, not everyone shares the same morals, ethics, principles, etc. Nevertheless, I regard the NAP as a helpful limiting principle that can reduce violent episodes. When further contemplating this matter, I’m reminded of a hip hop song.

“Don’t Put Your Hands on Me”

Formerly signed to Sean “Diddy” Combs’ Bad Boy Records and consisting of rappers Jeezy, Jody Breeze, Gorilla Zoe, Big Gee, and Big Duke, hip hop collective Boyz n da Hood released their debut album Boyz n da Hood in 2005.

The anthology featured a track entitled “Don’t Put Your Hands on Me” which relates to the NAP. Although it uses provocation, which serves an inflexible purpose, I maintain that a recurring flexible narrative permeates the chorus which states:

You can talk all the fuck you want (don’t put your hands on me)

Betcha ass gon’ get stomped (don’t put your hands on me)

You better get the fuck up out my face (don’t put your hands on me)

Bitch nigga, better stay in your place (don’t put your hands on me)

Stating that “you can talk all the fuck you want” and “don’t put your hands on me” is a matter of description versus prescription. The first narrative serves the descriptive interest of free speech while the latter message communicates a prescriptive inference regarding the NAP.

The inference relates to not aggressing upon someone, which infers the belief “you shouldn’t put your hands on me.” Debatably, this can relate to either an inflexible (e.g., absolutistic) or flexible (e.g., recommendatory) self-narrative.

Keeping in mind that the NAP authorizes aggression only when or if someone aggresses upon you, then I maintain that the flexible belief stated in the first line of the chorus is rational (in accordance with both logic and reason). Some may argue against this notion.

Alternatively, stating that someone’s “ass gon’ get stomped” could relate to a communicated threat. Depending on the legal jurisdiction within which an individual resides, this phrase could relate to provocation or fighting words (as could the alleged skull-fucking threat).

Additionally, stating “you better get the fuck up out my face” and “better stay in your place” concerns demandingness. Perplexingly, these phrases could relate to either inflexible or flexible demands. Therefore, context is required in order to carefully determine which narrative applies.

Understandably, most matters in life likely require a context-dependent approach to determine whether or not one’s beliefs are helpful or not. For the sake of illustration, perhaps a pragmatic example of a “don’t put your hands on me” approach to living (and dying) is warranted.

The Developing Case of Karmelo Anthony

Before proceeding any further, allow me to issue a general disclaimer. I maintain the standard of one’s presumption of innocence until or unless a judge and/or jury determine otherwise. As such, all individuals referenced hereafter are considered innocent until or unless proven guilty.

According to one source, “Karmelo Anthony, 17, has been charged with first-degree murder after allegedly stabbing Austin Metcalf in the heart at a high school track meet at Frisco Independent School District's Kuykendall Stadium on April 2 [2025].”

On a number of historical occasions, I placed myself into a violent situation of a similar nature. That was before I ever knew about the REBT concept of self-disturbance or the libertarian-favored NAP. Thus, I can comprehend how an individual may stab another person in the heart.

Regarding the Anthony case, I’ve observed conflicting commentary online. Some reports involve claims of racial elements, others allege that bullying played a role, and still other reports indicate a potential case for self-defense. I wasn’t present during the event, as I can only speculate.

When listening to the reported facts of the case, as outlined by YouTube content creator and licensed attorney Potentially Criminal, it would appear as though Anthony’s behavior was subject to the B-C connection. If accurate, this sort of aggression could’ve been avoided.

According to one source, “Anthony allegedly told Metcalf ‘touch me and see what happens.’ One witness told police that Metcalf then pushed Anthony to get him out of the tent and Anthony reached into a bag and stabbed him.” Prima facie, this appears to be a Boyz n da Hood situation.

The chorus of “Don’t Put Your Hands on Me” states, “You better get the fuck up out my face (don’t put your hands on me),” which ostensibly correlates with the alleged facts of Anthony’s case. Or, as the song by Kingpin Skinny Pimp states, “Run up and get done up!”

Regarding the material of a separate YouTube content creator and licensed attorney, Law of Self Defense, the reported facts of the case don’t bode well for Anthony as is. With my background in LE, I wouldn’t consider the facts (as I currently know them) to reflect a reasonable use of force.

As the developing case of Karmelo Anthony continues to unfold, additional evidence may change my opinion. At present, that’s all I can offer in this regard – conjecture based on what is currently known. May justice prevail either way.

The important psychoeducational lesson pertaining to this matter is that preventative use of the ABC model, an abortive strategy related to UA, and a foundational principle pertaining to the NAP could’ve otherwise saved a life in this case. Regrettably, a life was lost.

Conclusion

I once succumbed to violent behavior. Throughout my youth and into early adulthood I behaved in a dangerously aggressive manner. Providentially, I later learned REBT and how to un-disturb myself – thus breaking the cycle of irrational violence with which I was all too familiar.

In addition to learning how to reduce episodic aggression, I adopted the libertarian-preferred non-aggression principle. Of course, this doesn’t mean that I’ve altogether become a pacifist. I assure you, dear reader, this isn’t the case.

Instead, I now value Rothbard’s rational proposition that “no man [or woman] or group of men [or women] may aggress against the person or property of anyone else.” In essence, “don’t put your hands on me” and we aren’t likely to experience a violent exchange with one another.

Presumably, some professional practitioners of REBT may reject an NAP standard of living. I imagine that they may sheepishly allow predators of the world to prey upon them. If this suspicion is accurate, may their wool provide comfort and their meat result in satiety.

I’m not them and they aren’t me. I practice REBT and prefer a “don’t tread on me” method of living. Nevertheless, the coiled timber rattlesnake depicted on the Gadsden flag clearly has fangs for a reason. With enough force, one may crush my head; though not before I bruise one’s heel.

Perhaps this approach to living was assumed by Karmelo Anthony. Perhaps not. Time will tell. All the same, I consider it a worthwhile endeavor to explore alternative approaches to living, other than a “run up and get done up” narrative that could potentially lead to deadly outcomes.

Personally, the interrelation or sequence of facts or events when seen as inevitable or predictable (i.e., logic) and a statement offered in explanation or justification (i.e., reason) of a non-aggression principled standard of living is preferable, so don’t put your hands on me.

Likewise, unless aggressed upon, I won’t put my hands on you. Perhaps if most people used this rational approach to living there’d be far less violence on the planet. Alas, we live in a fallible world. Still, you don’t have to succumb to a foolish or deadly B-C connection. Think about it.

Side note: Regarding the photo used for this post, I acknowledge that the United States flag code expresses that our national ensign must be placed to the left of a dual flag display. However, the NAP is a global standard, as the yellow flag of libertarianism is valued more than jingoism.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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