It was in 2011, during my graduate studies for counseling, that I became familiar with lyricist J. Cole’s album Cole World: The Sideline Story. The entertainer rapped about issues I considered meaningful and I enjoyed listening to his album on my one-hour, one-way drives to class.
One of the tracks I most enjoyed was “Nobody’s Perfect,” featuring hip hop and R&B phenom Missy “Misdemeanor” Elliott. The chorus includes the following lyrics:
Nobody’s perfect, uh
Nobody’s perfect, ay ay, uh
Hey, but you’re perfect for me
Nobody’s perfect, uh (Ay, ay, ay)
Nobody’s perfect, ay
Hey, but you’re perfect for me
To this day, when I hear the Curtis Mayfield “Think” sample that begins the track, I get chills. Both J. Cole and Mayfield’s tracks are examples of how there’s not necessarily a rational reason for why I experience the bodily sensation consequence of chills and I dig that.
And yes, I acknowledge the irony of not being able to rationally explain an effect from a song entitled “Think.” Although I can’t adequately justify my sensory experience, I want to examine the chorus of “Nobody’s Perfect” through the lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).
The word “nobody” is defined as no person; not anybody. In the most literal sense, it denotes that not a single person in existence qualifies for something. As an example, nobody alive today is immortal.
Likewise, the word “perfect” is defined as being entirely without fault or defect. In this way, the statement “nobody’s perfect” represents truth in that it accurately describes how not anybody is without fault.
This fact is addressed in REBT theory which incorporates use of unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).
The foundational premise of UA is that virtually nothing in this world is perfect. I understand that challenge to this proposal may take the form of a Christian arguing that Jehovah’s love is perfect, His love is within this world, and therefore the UA premise is rejected.
Because the concept of a deity represents and unfalsifiable claim, I’ve no interest in quibbling with such critiques. Even if one were to grant the Christian rebuttal, it’s merely the exception that proves the rule.
To illustrate the core UA premise, consider the following syllogism:
Form –
If p, then q; p; therefore, q.
Example –
If virtually nothing in this world is perfect, then I am, you are, and life is imperfect.
Virtually nothing in this world is perfect.
Therefore, I am, you are, and life is imperfect.
This is a rational claim. That is to say that it’s both logical and reasonable. Although a person may object on religious or spiritual grounds, I’ve no interest in debating unverifiable claims to the contrary of this rational core proposal of UA.
Accepting the premises and conclusion of UA, USA merely begins with acknowledging that I’m a fallible human being. As such, Missy correctly states that “nobody’s perfect.”
This appropriately segues to UOA which posits that just as I’m a fallible individual, others are also flawed people. Again, Missy truthfully stated, “Nobody’s perfect, ay ay, uh.”
Building upon these logical and reasonable claims, we may further understand that life itself is imperfect. Mistakes I’ve made in the past are behind me and remain unchangeable, and errors you’ll make in the future are ahead of you and unavoidable.
In this way, virtually nothing in this world is perfect. This is the essence of ULA. Wars occur, buildings rise and fall, abnormalities exist, and perfection is an unattainable standard for imperfect beings (i.e., humans, other animals, plants, etc.).
For the most part, I agree with the chorus of “Nobody’s Perfect.” However, Missy commits a factual error when proposing, “Hey, but you’re perfect for me.” Revisit the rational syllogism expressed herein. Adding the caveat of a perfectible individual leads to an irrational conclusion:
Form –
Either a or b is true. If a is false, then b is true.
Example –
The man I love is either imperfect or perfect for me.
He isn’t imperfect.
Therefore, he’s perfect for me.
Although the logic follows, it’s based on a faulty premise that leads to an unreasonable outcome. From an REBT perspective, this sort of irrational assumption is what causes self-disturbance.
REBT theory posits that when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
Suppose one uses an irrational assumption based on an unreasonable premise. How might this cause and undesirable outcome? To illustrate this self-disturbing process, consider the following:
Action – The person who you believe is perfect for you is caught in a lie about something significant (e.g., infidelity).
Belief – You unproductively assume, “This is awful, because he must be perfect for me, just as I believed he was in the first place. I can’t stand that he’s now shown me how imperfect he is, so not only is he flawed, he’s completely worthless to me!”
Consequence – Because of your unfavorable prescriptions, you experience sorrow, anger, tightness in your chest, and you physically assault your intimate partner.
Without disputing each of the four major irrational beliefs in this example, I’ll select only one and ask why should, must, or ought a person to be perfect for you when fallible human beings are imperfectible? It’s not just virtually, though literally, impossible for humans to life without defect.
Placing an individual on a pedestal of perfection isn’t a method of rational living. Unlike the chills I experience when hearing “Nobody’s Perfect” and “Think,” which is a pleasant sensation associated with an irrational process, irrationality driven by self-disturbing beliefs isn’t beneficial.
Therefore, I invite you to consider that no matter how seemingly perfect for you a person perceivably is, nobody’s perfect. People may be well-suited for you, pleasant to be around, and even overall conducive to your interest and goals in life. However, no human being is flawless.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
Photo credit, property of Interscope Records, fair use
References:
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