Recently, I re-watched We’re the Millers and was reminded of character Scottie P’s misspelled tattoo, “No Ragrets.” He was apparently oblivious to the fact that “ragrets” was misspelled, so it makes sense that the character wouldn’t be uneasy about his life choice.
Regret may be defined as the emotion of sorrow or the experience of disappointment over something that has happened or been done, especially regarding a loss or missed opportunity. Interestingly, I’ve met people who express not regretting a single decision made in their lifetime.
Viewing such a claim through the lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I can appreciate how one may not experience sorrow after having rationally processed an imperfect decision. After all, this is the essence of unconditional life-acceptance—letting go of the illusion of control regarding past events.
Of this, I’m reminded of lyricist Aesop Rock’s song “No Regrets,” featured on his 2001 album Labor Days. The track depicts the life of an artist, Lucy, someone who lives her life according to her own interests and goals, and who is unconcerned with the opinions of others.
In one of the most meaningfully existential hip hop tracks I’ve ever heard, the third verse states:
Lucy was 87, upon her death bed
At the senior home, where she had previously checked in
Traded in the locks and clips for a head rest
Traded in the charcoal sticks for arthritis, it had to happen
And she drew no more, just sat and watched the dawn
Had a television in the room that she’d never turned on
Lucy pinned up a life’s worth of pictures on the wall
And sat and smiled, looked each one over, just to laugh at it all
No Rico, he had passed about 5 years back
So the visiting hours pulled in a big flock of nothing
She’d never spoken once throughout the spanning of her life
Until the day she leaned forward, grinned and pulled the nurse aside
And she said, “Look, I’ve never had a dream in my life
Because a dream is what you wanna do, but still haven’t pursued
I knew what I wanted and did it till it was done
So I’ve been the dream that I wanted to be since day one!”
Well! The nurse jumped back
She’d never heard Lucy even talk
Especially words like that
She walked over to the door, and pulled it closed behind
Then Lucy blew a kiss to each one of her pictures
And she died
To a cynical ear, Lucy’s story may represent the depiction of a self-centered individual. However, I interpret her tale as a person who realized the finite nature of life and chose not to self-disturb over the trivial impressions of other people.
On a more personal level, I think about regret related to a misspelled tattoo I received that has since been corrected. Human fallibility of the tattoo artist, as well as my own imperfect nature, resulted in an event I now regret.
At this point, the skeptical reader may say, “Deric, wait a minute. As an REBT practitioner, how is it that you could come to regret something? Why don’t you practice what you preach and accept the matter unconditionally?”
Unlike some people I’ve met, who claim to maintain no regrets at all, I have many examples of decisions I’ve made and behavior I’ve exhibited which represent disappointment. Regarding the misspelled tattoo, I’m disappointed in myself for not having taken a moment to properly spellcheck the artist’s template.
Nevertheless, I’m not upset about the matter. I don’t experience sorrow or anger when reflecting upon the mistake for which I accept personal accountability. Likewise, I don’t lament the fact that I have an activistic tattoo that represents an ideology I once valued though no longer appreciate.
Rather, I’m merely disappointed that I didn’t pay closer attention to the tattoo template. This constitutes regret. Unlike Scottie P, who was seemingly oblivious to the misspelling of his tattoo and thusly regretted nothing about his decision, I maintain a healthy level of disappointment concerning my ink.
Still, I imagine that when I meet my inevitable end, like Lucy, I can go in peace by understanding that I knew what I wanted and did it till it was done. I’ve had some regrets, though I choose not to upset myself about them. To me, that’s a life well-lived.
How about you, dear reader? Have you perfected every aspect of your life, remaining free of regret? Are you perhaps oblivious to your own shortcomings, like Scottie P? “No ragrets,” nah'm sayin'?
Have you accomplished all you set out to do and now remain prepared to die with a grin on your face, like Lucy? Are you perhaps in need of processing some hapless mistakes for which regret represents more than simple disappointment?
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Aesop Rock. (2022, May 11). No regrets [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/_kdOHXaes_8?si=Fp8sO_mFlD19KhTU
Hollings, D. (2022, May 17). Circle of concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/circle-of-concern
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2022, November 4). Human fallibility. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/human-fallibility
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2022, June 23). Meaningful purpose. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/meaningful-purpose
Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership
Hollings, D. (2022, March 25). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance
Ryan. (2021, November 2). No regerts: This ‘no ragrets’ temporary tattoo is the ultimate tattoo fail prank [Image]. Odditymall. Retrieved from https://odditymall.com/no-ragrets-temporary-tattoo
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Aesop Rock. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aesop_rock
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Labor Days. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labor_Days
Wikipedia. (n.d.). We’re the Millers. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/We%27re_the_Millers
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