Raise your hand if you’re old enough to remember rotary dials. How about party lines? Any takers? Given the average age of my current client caseload, neither of these wondrous telephone references is memorable. Therefore, I’ll abandon nostalgia for something a bit more relatable.
I recall purchasing my first cellphone when stationed in Okinawa, Japan (1997-1999). Having the ability to make a call on the go was a luxury far removed from only a couple years prior when an in-home telephone was stationary and I was tethered to it by a cord when making calls.
By the time I was finished with overseas service (2001), it seemed like most people within the United States were using cellphones, though there were still landline phones readily available. Each of these methods of communicating was a far cry from my high school days of beeper use.
In any case, whether using a rotary dial phone or cellphone, the intransitive verb of dialing applies either way—to make a telephone call or connection. Have you ever been so self-disturbed that you weren’t able to dial another person? I know I’ve been there before.
Thinking back to moments in my life when I was too prideful to dial people, I now use the perspective of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) to understand why. In particular, I consider the ABC model and how people upset themselves through use of unfavorable beliefs.
REBT theory maintains that when an unexpected Action occurs and a person uses an irrational Belief about the situation, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the undesirable circumstance that causes unpleasant cognitive, emotive, sensational, and behavioral effects as Consequences.
To provide an example of how the Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection works, I turn to a DJ set from Paakman that features a track called “Told You” by Kiko Franco, Moser, and DYVE with vocals by Keyshia Cole. The track is a remix of Cole’s song “Last Night,” featuring Diddy. Lyrics include:
Last night, I couldn’t even get an answer
You said you couldn’t get an answer, baby
I tried to call, but my pride wouldn’t let me dial
That should never stop you
And I’m sitting here with this blank expression
I can’t read your mind, baby
And the way I feel (way I feel), I wanna curl up like a child (ooh baby)
I understand how a person can mistakenly subscribe to an Action-Consequence (A-C) connection whereby calling someone (Action) apparently results in the prideful inability to dial (Consequence). However, this is an inaccurate connection in regard to self-disturbance.
Instead, when an individual thinks about calling someone (Action) and unhelpfully Believes, “Pride shouldn’t stop me, but I can’t stand the thought of being rejected,” then one’s unfavorable self-narrative causes the emotion of fear and behavior of an inability to dial (Consequence).
Rather than remaining self-disturbed, an individual is invited to try Disputation which may lead to an Effective new belief that’s used in place of an unproductive self-narrative. With the ABC model, a person learns to stop needless suffering which is caused by unhelpful assumptions.
Granting that you understand how unfavorable A-C connections don’t cause self-upsetting experiences, as B-C connections better explain this unpleasant experience, what then may be understood about pride? According to the American Psychological Association (APA), pride is:
[A] self-conscious emotion that occurs when a goal has been attained and one’s achievement has been recognized and approved by others. It differs from joy and happiness in that these emotions do not require the approval of others to be experienced. Pride also has expressive reactions that differ from joy, such as puffing up of the chest and directing attention to others or an audience.
The “self-conscious” aspect regarding this definition plays a role in the B-C connection of self-disturbance. To understand this matter, consider that not all experiences with pride are perceived positively as that relating to the APA definition.
Reflecting upon the ABC model example, when an individual thinks about calling someone and then unhelpfully believes that one’s behavior may not be approved, this self-conscious experience regarding an unrecognized goal relates to “pride,” as described in “Told You.”
Thus, pride may be perceived of as positive when a goal is recognized or approved by people. It may also be interpreted as negative when the objective isn’t recognized or approved by others.
Nevertheless, my pride when being unable to dial someone was never what caused this unpleasant experience. Notably, thoughts and beliefs play a key role in pride. Likewise, a B-C connection is what causes fear and the inability to dial another person, thought of as “pride.”
Raise your hand if you’d like to stop upsetting yourself in such a manner. Now imagine me high-fiving you as your hand remains in the air. REBT may be just the psychotherapeutic modality for you! Would you like to know more about how not to upset yourself?
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost electronic dance music (EDM)-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Pride. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/pride
Bad Boy Entertainment. (2016, June 2). Diddy [feat. Keyshia Cole] - Last Night (Official music video) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/AxFhwtwiw6o?si=QTdEORm63ksNhYLc
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