In a blogpost entitled People Who Live in Glass Houses, I identified an assortment of should-type beliefs associated with demandingness and in regard to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Herein, I’ll address one form of these sometimes self-disturbing or non-self-disturbing demands, depending on one’s worldview.
Before expanding upon what a moral and ethical should belief is and how it functions, it may be helpful to define terms. By “moral,” I’m referring to consideration of what one considers good, bad, right, wrong, appropriate, inappropriate, or otherwise.
Based on morals, when discussing what’s “ethical,” I mean that ethics are rules one pledges to live by. As an example, I consider it morally wrong to intentionally harm children. Therefore, my ethical consideration relates to not intentionally harming children.
Although some people argue that there’s such a thing as objective morality or claim that each individual is incapable of determining what is good or bad on one’s own, the current post isn’t supporting or rejecting such positions. Rather, I’m merely discussing morals and ethics in general.
Additionally, before going any further, it may be useful to describe basic elements of REBT which serve as a type of self-help method for rational living. Essentially, there are two main techniques used in this version of cognitive behavior therapy.
REBT theory first uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful attitudes in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, if you intentionally harm a child (Action), you may be apprehended for violating the law (Consequence). From an A-C perspective, injurious behavior toward children can result in apprehension.
Still, if when learning of your undesirable behavior I Believe, “You shouldn’t have intentionally harmed a child, because aside from being illegal such behavior is morally and ethically reprehensible,” then I’ll likely disturb myself into an angry disposition (Consequence). This B-C connection is self-disturbing, because it’s an absolutistic should belief.
Of course, not all moral and ethical should beliefs cause self-disturbance. As an example, you may believe it’s morally bad and ethically inadvisable for a person to hold a spot in line (cue) for a friend.
However, when this event occurs you’re merely annoyed by your moral and ethical should beliefs though not self-defeated. Therefore, the degree to which a person experiences an unpleasant reaction versus a significant consequence of a belief is what matters in this regard.
According to one source, “Thou shalt not kill,’ which is straight from the Ten Commandments,” is an example of a moral and ethical should assumption though which also represents a legal should belief. However, set aside this deified moral arbiter aspect for a moment.
Suppose you’re currently performing the intentional act of injuring a child. I walk into the room and become aware of what’s occurring. In an attempt to stop the unspeakable act from continuing, I shove you and you fall over.
Your heard slams against a piece of furniture in such a way that death results. I’ve just killed you. Although I’ve been arraigned on charges, a jury finds me not guilty of second degree murder. Nevertheless, imagine that I consider it morally and ethically wrong to kill people.
Even though I didn’t intend on killing you, my moral and ethical self-disturbing should belief then tortures me for the rest of my life. I’ve essentially violated an absolutistic belief even though I never intended on killing you when saving a child from intentional harm.
Using REBT, I help people to stop upsetting themselves through use of B-C connections, though I can’t fully resolve their A-C connections. To accomplish my objective as a psychotherapist, I invite individuals to take personal responsibility and accountability for their reactions to events.
For a person who violates one’s own moral and ethical code by unintentionally killing someone when rescuing a child from harm, I can’t undo the A-C experience. However, I can invite an individual to take personal ownership of self-torture after an accidental death has occurred.
Secondly, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
Additionally, foundational components incorporated into REBT relate to Stoicism—a philosophical practice valuing four virtues (wisdom, courage, temperance or moderation, and justice) as a means of achieving eudemonia—a life well-lived, as well as humanism—the process of healing oneself.
As well, REBT is influenced by existentialist principles—essentially positing that each of us will inevitably die and that we can search for purpose and meaning as a method of living a well-lived existence. Importantly, all of these techniques require frequent (and I mean daily) practice.
Understandably, moral and ethical should beliefs are sometimes flexible or inflexible, arguably rational or irrational, and self-defeating or non-self-defeating assumptions which may or may not need challenging, depending on whether or not they cause self-disturbance.
Ultimately, these sorts of should beliefs are frequently and helpfully used in common parlance, as I also tend to use these narratives in my personal life. Hopefully, the information contained herein helps you determine if you want to continue using this sort of belief.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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