The current blog entry is intended to serve as a threequel to recent blogposts entitled Self-Downing and Other-Downing, addressing the finer points of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Therefore, I invite you to read the previous posts before reviewing the current entry.
Although there’s ample information in REBT literature in regard to self- and other-downing, there appears to be a gap in knowledge of this psychotherapeutic modality when it comes to life-downing. One wonders as to why this is the case.
For instance, one online REBT source vaguely mentions this concept by passively referencing “self/others/life-downing” in connection with self-disturbance—the process by which people upset themselves through use of unfavorable beliefs. I’ll expand upon this matter in a bit.
Similarly, a separate online REBT source describes this concept by stating, “Life-Downing: “Life is UNFAIR and stacked AGAINST ME!” However, the otherwise helpful resource doesn’t expound upon the matter by use of this particular term (i.e., life-downing).
Equally, review of the REBT literature at my disposal reveals nebulous references to life-downing in only two written pieces. The first is A Practitioner’s Guide to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, Third Edition (page 377), which merely mentions the term.
The second is the REBT Depression Manual: Managing Depression Using Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), which states, “Life-Downing – Check to see if you’re judging all of your life as bad, just because it’s not perfect. For example, you might think ‘Life is worthless because I feel so worn out” (page 13).
Given the apparent lack of information on this precise conceptual term, I think it’s worth devoting a blogpost to the topic. Herein, I’ll use a personal anecdote so that you may better understand what life-downing is, how it works, and how to address this matter.
To recapitulate points addressed in Self- and Other-Downing, first, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how irrational beliefs about oneself, other people, places, things, and other matters can cause unpleasant consequences of an emotional, bodily sensation, and behavioral variety.
Specifically related to life-downing is one of the four major irrational beliefs known as a global evaluation. This unfavorable mental process may also be referred to as life-deprecation, life-condemnation, and a negative life-rating.
For your understanding, I’ll elaborate on this globally-inclusive and self-disturbing belief in a bit. For now, understand that disputation of unhelpful assumptions is used to explore effective new beliefs which may better serve a person’s interests and goals.
Second, REBT uses unconditional acceptance – in particular, of the self, others, and life – as a means of diminishing self-induced suffering. Concerning the current blogpost, unconditional life-acceptance (ULA) is the focus of self-disturbance disruption.
Now, I ask that you forgive me a personal anecdote so that I can assist with your comprehension of life-downing. Although I’m aware that some people don’t appreciate the personal accounts I offer within my blog, talking about myself serves the interest of a humanist approach to REBT.
In Self-Downing, I used a personal anecdote in regard to a woman that I married when in the Marine Corps. We were both Marines at the time and I met her when she had a six-month-old child while going through the process of divorce.
I was a sergeant (E-5) and she was a lance corporal (E-3) when we met. Although there were extenuating and mitigating factors which are too extensive to explore herein, my military command punished me severely for disobeying orders concerning the romantic relationship.
In the above photo, taken in relative proximity to her divorce, I’m pictured with the woman and her daughter. I’d been demoted from sergeant to private first class (E-2), as was the woman whom I later married.
Back then, I knew nothing of REBT or life-downing. Instead, I irrationally concluded that because I was demoted (Action), I was therefore angry with life in general (Consequence). However, there was no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection of the sort.
Truly, it was a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection with which I disturbed myself. Unfavorably, I didn’t take personal responsibility or accountability for my actions, so I instead blamed life (life-downing) for my unpleasant experience. How truly unfortunate!
According to one REBT source, demandingness is usually a primary appraisal mechanism (e.g., life must be easy) and global evaluation in the form of life-downing is a secondary appraisal mechanism (e.g., life is worthless). Notably, I once endured the following B-C chain:
I was punished by my military command for an intimate partner relationship with a married woman who was going through the process of divorce (Action). At the time, I irrationally Believed, “Life must be easy; otherwise, life is worthless!”
When using that unproductive Belief, I experienced sorrow (emotion), a heavy feeling throughout my body (sensation), and withdrew from many of my peers (behavior). This unpleasant reaction was the Consequence of my unfavorable attitude about life.
So far, I’ve illustrated what life-downing is and demonstrated how it works. Now, I’ll elaborate on how to address this matter through use of REBT. In order to do this, it may be useful to briefly explain the concept of ULA.
With my approach to REBT, I invite people to consider the concept of one’s circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as the realm of no concern. Using an example by legacy media about drones spotted within the United States (U.S.), the aforementioned circles are as follows:
Circle of control – The only person over which you have any legitimate control is you, though to a limited degree. For instance, using nothing other than the capacity of your mind, you likely can’t stop your heart from beating.
Therefore, it’s likely that you have no actual control over whomever or whatever it is that has led to mysterious drones hovering over various locations within the U.S. As such, it may significantly benefit you to focus on matters which you can actually control.
Circle of influence – Given that you don’t have full control of yourself, you likely have little-to-no control over other people. Still, you may be able to influence people within your circle of influence. (This is a matter to approach with flexibility, because not all people value influence.)
As an example, you may be able to convince a loved one to stop watching legacy media sources. All the same, that individual may reject your attempt at influence. Thus, focusing your effort on what you can actually control and who you can influence may be a worthwhile use of your time.
Circle of concern – It’s likely that you have no actual control or influence over the drones spotted at various locations within the U.S. As such, these entities warrant placement into your circle of concern.
You may be mildly concerned about drones, though you don’t have to be self-disturbed with beliefs about matters over which you have no control or influence. Where drones are of topic, keeping a healthy degree of concern – though not worry – may benefit you in the long run.
Realm of no concern – Perhaps the drones are from another planet or dimension. Maybe an alien race is trying to make contact with human civilization. It very well could be that a species of unicorn time travelers are visiting the U.S. with their superior gravitic propulsion technology.
Unfalsifiable claims about what could be, regarding mysterious droves which hover above major cities within the U.S., are of no concern to me. I have no control or influence in this matter and my capacity to be concerned is limited to other areas of interest. Thus, I’m not concerned.
Presuming that you understand the aforementioned conceptualized circles, unconditional self-acceptance relates to the circle of control and unconditional other-acceptance regards the circle of influence.
This leaves us with the concept of ULA which relates to the circle of concern, as well as the realm of no concern. Bear in mind that these aren’t concepts within REBT literature, as they instead reflect my approach to the practice of REBT.
Shifting from the topic of drones to the problems I experienced as a Marine, rather than telling myself, “Life must be easy; otherwise, life is worthless,” I could’ve instead practiced a more adaptive ULA personal philosophy of life. This narrative is one of tolerance and acceptance.
“Although I’d like for life to be easy,” I could’ve told myself, “There’s no reason why it absolutely must be easy.” I could’ve continued, “It isn’t true that my entire life is worthless, because I have worth as a human being, albeit a fallible one, aside from being a Marine.”
Besides, I couldn’t control members of my military command. I attempted to influence them, to no avail. Therefore, the people who maintained authority over me fell into my circle of concern. As such, it was a matter of personal responsibility and accountability to stop self-disturbing.
Thus, without unhelpful conditions placed upon life, my life-downing narrative would’ve likely given way to the helpful ULA beliefs expressed above. Noteworthy, this sort of shift occurs when letting go of rigidity of mind and adopting a more flexible perspective on life.
Because there appears to be a gap in knowledge of REBT regarding life-downing, I hope that this blogpost will serve as a bridge to understanding in relation to the practice of ULA. If you’d like to know more about REBT and rational living, I look forward to hearing from you.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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