When practicing Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) as a life coach or psychotherapist, I have no interest or goal to have people behave or become just like me. Please do better than me and not become like me.
I address this matter, because I’ve spoken with people who’ve wanted to provide care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health and who’ve expressly stated their intent was to influence others to act just like them. I strongly disagree with that approach to wellness.
It’s worth stating that one of the main objectives of REBT practice is to try to help people actually get better and not merely feel better. Whether it regards improving one’s level of functioning and quality of life, or achieving catharsis, “better” is a subjective standard.
Personally, “better” doesn’t mean that people will behave or be just like me. Perhaps speaking in abstraction robs from one’s bank of knowledge the ability to understand the significance of what I’m addressing herein. Therefore, I’ll provide an actual anecdotal example for context.
I once had a longtime friend who expressed the desire to transition from one occupational field to becoming a life coach. I was interested in assisting this individual by sharing educational resources, co-appearing in podcast episodes, and mentoring when and where possible.
However, my willingness to help quickly dissipated after receiving an answer to the question, “What is it that you ultimately want to do as a life coach?” My friend replied, “Make people be more like me.” Say what? Come again?
I expressed surprise to what I thought was a farcical statement intended in gest and I asked a follow-up question of clarification as my friend admitted, “Yeah, I think the world would be a lot better if people were more like me!” It was a narcissistic admission for which I wasn’t prepared.
Using thinking which is logical and reasonable (collectively “rational”), you may have already concluded that I was disinterested in cultivating the skills of the person in question. I’m not intending on people to be just like me or just like her. Be like you, though a better version.
When contemplating this matter further, I’m reminded of the 2011 album Follow Me Home by rapper Jay Rock. In particular, the track “Just Like Me,” featuring J. Black, comes to mind. Jay Rock addresses presumably younger listeners who are interested in gangbanging.
Carefully outlining a case against a violent lifestyle to which I was once attracted, the rapper expresses the truth about reality when involved in criminal activity associated with gangs. Typically, I refrain from addressing gang affiliations regarding various hip hop entertainers.
Yet, Jay Rock has been forthcoming about his apparent affiliation with Bloods who once had my back in the ‘90s, even though I was friends with Crips and Sureños. Therefore, I appreciate his advocacy for being better than him, using a recommendatory should statement, by expressing:
Man, these niggas out here wildin’
All the hootin’ and the hollin’, man
You’d rather sell some powder instead of trying in college
Where is all the father figures? Either dead or locked in bondage
Your tomorrow is never promised, my nigga, I’m being honest
Better wake up fast, last of dying breed
All I do is press facts, Jack
Look, the moral of the story is certain hearts will never feel it
Plus [their] mind is really twisted
It’s a sickness when I kill my own kind
When stating that people “better wake up” Jay Rock is ostensibly recommending that people should wake up or to place into one’s conscious mind the information discussed in the track. In specific, J. Black states on the chorus:
Different names, different sides, but I can see it in your eyes
That you’re just like me (that I’m) just like you
(You’re) just like me (and I’m) just like you
It’s up to you to decide how you’re gonna change your life
You’re just like me (and I’m) just like you
(You’re) just like me (I’m) just like you
I appreciate that both Jay Rock and J. Black offer factual information about how actions have consequences. This is similar to how I use psychoeducational lessons to demonstrate how reactions have consequences.
Moreover, neither “Just Like Me” nor my approach to getting better involves the act of making other people in one’s own image—which was the precise premise of Genesis 1:27, wherein Yahweh (God) was said to have created humans in His own image. I’m not playing God.
From time to time, clients express a desire to behave or become like me. However, I encourage these individuals to behave or become better than me – unlike my former friend.
If you’re interested in seeking life coaching or psychotherapeutic services from one who ostensibly maintains a god complex, I’m not the provider for you. In fact, I’m merely a fallible human being who hopes that through use of REBT you can do better than me, not be like me.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
A hoot and a holler. (2015, March 3). A hoot and a holler. Urban Dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=A%20hoot%20and%20a%20holler
Dash Boy. (2010, February 11). Jay Rock - Real Bloods (Official video) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/pj1ppVqfwV4?si=DK893kj1HbfmXCvQ
Discogs. (n.d.). J. Black. Retrieved from https://www.discogs.com/artist/324296-J-Black
Hollings, D. (2024, November 10). Catharsis. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/catharsis
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