When recently listening to a DJ set from Chris Luno, I heard a Diode Eins remix of the track “It’s in Your Eyes” by Disappeared Completely. Not often do I have an opportunity to write about electronic dance music (EDM) with plentiful lyrics.
Therefore, I’ll post all of the lyrics regarding the original song which I think are worthy of critique using the lens of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Lyrics are as follows:
You always do this stuff
We’ll never be enough
You were floating in life
We were floating in life
It’s in your eyes
You think that’s not fun, day is done
With no other feelings
Why are your eyes not shining in lights?
There’s more than one meaning
Just get what you want, but again you got numb
It’s because of freaking illusion
That life is not fiction
The sense in the description of love
It’s an awful conclusion
You could always turn it back
Get another heart attack
We roll! We roll!
We’ll find ourselves in love. We’ll find ourselves in love
Oh, fuck
The artist on this track appears to be describing how his intimate partner is likely self-disturbed. To understand what I’m implying, it may be useful to briefly describe the ABC model.
REBT theory maintains that when an unexpected Activating event occurs and a person uses an irrational Belief about the situation, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the undesirable circumstance that causes unpleasant emotional, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
Rather than remaining self-disturbed, an individual is invited to try Disputation which may lead to an Effective new belief that is used in place of an unproductive self-narrative. With the ABC model, a person learns to stop needless suffering which is caused by unhelpful assumptions.
Regarding “It’s in Your Eyes,” the artist’s romantic interest apparently has self-disturbed into a state of despondency. As indicated by the line “you always do this stuff,” this individual likely has a pattern of self-upset which impacts the couple.
The artist states, “We’ll never be enough,” which alludes to the notion that his partner doesn’t approach the intimate relationship with a good enough standard of functioning. Perhaps you wonder what I mean.
Healthily aiming for an objective whereby things in an intimate partner relationship aren’t fantastic, though they aren’t terrible, is both achievable and sustainable. In the third verse, listeners are privy to the self-disturbed outcome the artist’s partner seemingly experiences.
Although the individual received what was apparently sought, the person ostensibly realized that the illusory aim for a romantic relationship of fictional proportions resulted in “an awful conclusion.” This is precisely the sort of experience for which the ABC model was designed.
For instance, one of the four major self-disturbing beliefs recognized in REBT is awfulization or merely awfulizing. This occurs when a person unfavorably concludes that oneself, others, or life is terrible, horrible, or awful.
If the artist’s partner unhelpfully expected anything more than a relationship based on a good enough standard, then the individual likely concluded that the experience of an unrealized demand on another person and life in general was awful.
This distorted inference utilizes a second major self-disturbing belief related to demandingness. This experience occurs when absolutistically or conditionally demanding what one believes should, must, or ought to be the case.
In the second verse, the artist inquires, “Why are your eyes not shining in lights?” However, it becomes apparent that he understands the situation. In the fourth verse, he expresses that his partner could potentially start anew. The end of the relationship has already been considered.
Still, he admits that the couple will only find themselves ensnared in love once again – the same in-love experience which correlated with his partner’s activating event – to which he then laments, “Oh, fuck.” Apparently, this answer was revealed in his romantic interest’s eyes.
I appreciate this track and how well it represents the process of self-disturbance. Noteworthy, people who self-disturb with unhelpful assumptions don’t have to remain in a state of despondency.
Fortunately, along with the challenge of unproductive beliefs, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
Frequently, I use both the ABC model and unconditional acceptance in my personal and professional life. If you would like to know more about how these helpful techniques may benefit you, I’m here to help you.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Apple Music. (n.d.). Disappeared Completely. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/disappeared-completely/1200517285
Beatport, LLC. (n.d.). Diode Eins. Retrieved from https://www.beatport.com/artist/diode-eins/888085
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La Belle Musique. (2023, January 30). Disappeared Completely – It’s in Your Eyes (Diode Eins remix) #lyrics [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/69tWbOkM2NQ?si=HVFXyjkYUt7oy6B2
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