In blogposts entitled Circle of Concern, Revisiting the Circle of Control, and Control, I addressed the topic of control— the power to direct people’s behavior or the course of events. In those entries, I used a Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) perspective.
As well, I drew heavily upon Stephen Covey’s concept relating to the circles of concern and influence. Essentially, one’s circle of control is the self, the circle of influence relates indirectly or directly to others, and the circle of concern encompasses almost everything else.
It’s worth noting that some people suggest there’s a fourth dimension, the area of no concern. In this realm are things about which one knows nothing – though which still may exist – and one has no control, influence, or concern regarding the unknown (e.g., whether or not there’s an alternate version of yourself in another dimension).
I invite you to consider that a person has control only over oneself – and to a limited degree. For instance, you have restricted ability to cognitively control all of your thoughts or memory retention, as well as to disrupt automatic physiological processes (e.g., heartbeat).
Additionally, you may be able to influence people you know (e.g., spouse) or with whom you have an indirect relationship (e.g., voting for a politician). Still, you have no control and little influence over other matters with which you are concerned (e.g., foreign wars).
Moreover, you have no control and potentially no influence regarding the things about which you are unaware (e.g., an asteroid that could impact the Earth 50 years from now). For the current post, I’ll mainly focus on the intersecting spheres of influence and concern.
Take a look at the graphic pertaining to this blog entry. You’re represented by the light blue sphere of control. As well, suppose you have a close friend who’s represented by the second sphere with a light blue circle of control. For now, let’s call this friend “person X.”
Notice that neither of your spheres of control intersects. Short of some drastic measure such as shooting person X in the heart, you have no control over this individual. Although some people argue with me on this matter, I’m not discussing idealism though I’m focused on realism.
Realistically, your circle of influence intersects with person X’s sphere of influence – to varying degrees, depending on how closely bonded the friendship is. In the graphic, I’ve chosen to illustrate a small sliver of influence regarding you both.
Also, observe how person X’s sphere of concern substantially intersects with your circles of influence and control. Although spheres impede upon the circles of control, this doesn’t mean that you or person X has actual power to direct the course of events in this realm.
Rather, this intersection merely displays that a shared concern such as climate change impacts you both, depending on your levels of attention and beliefs regarding such matters. Nevertheless, there remains a significant portion of concerned spheres which don’t intersect at all.
Suppose you’re concerned about volcanic activity in Hawaii, though you reside in Texas. Person X also lives in Texas though isn’t concerned with such eruptions. Rather, person X is concerned with some event that occurred 15 years ago – a situation about which you know nothing.
The sphere of concern encompasses past and present matters, as well as future issues – to a limited degree. I say “limited,” because one doesn’t know what will occur in the future. Thus, it’s debatable as to whether or not distant events are of concern or no concern.
In any case, intersecting spheres of influence and concern are something about which people self-disturb quite often. For context, it may be useful to know a bit more about REBT before continuing any further.
REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, if an extinction event results from an asteroid impact (Action), you may die (Consequence). Still, if you unhelpfully Believe as the asteroid is inbound, “This shouldn’t happen,” then you’ll likely disturb yourself into a fearful disposition (Consequence).
Thus, I help people to stop upsetting themselves through use of B-C connections, though I can’t fully resolve their A-C connections. This is why I’ve placed a Hollings Therapy, LLC logo intersecting the spheres of influence and concern on the graphic for this blogpost.
After all, I can’t control people or extinction level events. However, I may be able to influence individuals regarding various matters about which even I’m concerned.
Furthermore, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).
Noteworthy, a core component of UA rests upon truth about imperfection. I’m a fallible human being, you’re flawed, and life itself is imperfect. Practice of USA merely acknowledges that with one’s limited control there will inevitably be mistakes which one will make throughout a lifetime.
Likewise, UOA recognizes that although one may desire for more influence in the lives of others, everyone has limited control of themselves and they remain open to changing what they can to a limited degree. After all, people are self-determined and autonomous beings.
Simply because you demand that person X must care about volcanic eruptions doesn’t mean that this individual has to abide by your inflexible prescriptions in life. And yes, this relates to racism, sexism, and all the other isms about which you may irrationally believe person X should care.
This is where ULA is of significant value. There will be many, many, many (MANY) matters in life about which you’ll be concerned though others may simply shrug off with indifference.
One can easily self-disturb with rigid assumptions about these instances. As an example, you likely have legitimate concerns about the rising cost of groceries and housing, whether or not you’ll be able to afford to retire comfortably, and other such matters.
Nevertheless, you may be substantially devoted to the topic of conflict between Russia and Ukraine, as well as Palestine and Israel. (People can’t even fully agree as to whether or not Palestine even exists.) You have influence over some of these issues though no full control.
Likewise, you likely have exceedingly limited influence over waring entities. Still, people easily upset themselves with beliefs about individuals like person X who simply focuses on the spheres of control and influence.
“How dare person X not speak up in the face of catastrophe,” you believe, “because silence is akin to violence and I can’t stand people who choose suffering in silence rather than speaking truth to power!” Using this unproductive attitude, you’ll needlessly suffer.
Meanwhile, the cost of groceries and housing, your future retirement, and other such matters are partially neglected as you disturb yourself and shame person X for not joining in with your denunciation of oppression. Perhaps person X doesn’t want to self-disturb.
Noteworthy, foundational components incorporated into REBT relate to Stoicism—a philosophical practice valuing four virtues (wisdom, courage, temperance or moderation, and justice) as a means of achieving eudemonia—a life well-lived, as well as humanism—the process of healing oneself, and REBT values a scientific and behaviorist approach to wellness.
As well, REBT is influenced by existentialist principles—essentially positing that each of us will inevitably die and that we can search for purpose and meaning as a method of living a well-lived existence. Importantly, all of these techniques require frequent (and I mean daily) practice.
Perhaps person X receives psychotherapeutic services from someone like me. If so, person X understands the value of personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “personal ownership”).
Rather than needlessly creating matters about which to disturb oneself with unfavorable beliefs, person X may comprehend that each of us has limited control and influence. This doesn’t mean that matters within intersecting sphere have less value.
Rather, person X realizes that when choosing to self-disturb about circles over which one has no control and exceptionally limited influence, this individual can take personal ownership for one’s own reaction to beliefs about activating events which inevitably and inescapably occur in life.
Thus, person X practices UA on a daily basis. In so doing, person X may be concerned about a significant number of matters though not devastatingly disturbed by assumptions regarding these events. This is because beliefs are things over which people have control, though thoughts are another matter altogether.
Yet, I digress. Herein, I’ve illustrated the difference between circles of control, influence, and concern. As well, I’ve highlighted how intersecting spheres may serve as activating events about which people maintain beliefs and over which wind up disturbing themselves into unpleasant consequences.
Although you can’t control and most likely cannot influence the existence of matters such as wars abroad, I invite you to consider the practice of USA, UOA, and ULA when contemplating the intersection of spheres. If you’d like to know more about reducing self-disturbance in this regard, I’m here to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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