In high school, during a time when I befriended Crips and Sureños, I was given a nickname by my gang-affiliated friends that some people in my current life may be surprised to discover. Regarding this matter, I stated in a blogpost entitled Hulk:
Although I was nicknamed “2-Nice” by my gang-related friends, a member of another gang set once stated to me something like, “You’re fucking crazier than any of us! I’m gonna call you ‘Suicide-Psycho,’ ‘cause you’re fucking crazy, ese!”
“Suicide-Psycho” inferred a dated, now usually offensive, term defined as exhibiting a severely disordered state of mind marked by the inability to think in a clear or sensible way: insane. Noteworthy, both “insane” and “crazy” are used synonymously in common parlance.
Still, that which is colloquially considered to be insane doesn’t indicate insanity which the American Psychological Association (APA) defines as “in law, a condition of the mind that renders a person incapable of being responsible for their criminal acts.”
Also, different regions within the United States (U.S.) maintain contrasting legal definitions and statutes regarding legal insanity. Interestingly, there’s no APA definition for “insane” or “crazy,” though the term “mental disorder” is thusly defined by the Association as:
[A]ny condition characterized by cognitive and emotional disturbances, abnormal behaviors, impaired functioning, or any combination of these. Such disorders cannot be accounted for solely by environmental circumstances and may involve physiological, genetic, chemical, social, and other factors.
The important takeaway point thus far is that “insanity” is a legal term, “mental disorder” is a medical term, and “insane” is merely a term commonly used to indicate irrationality—that which isn’t in accordance with both logic and reason.” This distinction is relevant.
Nicknamed “Suicide-Psycho,” the gangbanger who gave me the moniker indicated that my actions were self-sacrificial and irrational. Back then, gangbangers frequently described such behavior as “insane in the membrane.”
For context, on their second studio album Black Sunday (1993), historic hip hop group Cypress Hill released a song entitled “Insane in the Brain.” The self-explanatory chorus states:
Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain
Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain
Insane in the membrane
Crazy insane, got no brain
Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain
Per one source, “insane in the membrane’ was a localized gang term used at the time [‘90s] by the Crips when doing something crazy.” Ergo, when I was nicknamed “Suicide-Psycho” by a gang member, my behavior was essentially being identified by the undertaking of crazy actions.
All the same, it was during that same period of my life that I’d been taken out of a children’s home and placed into the care of a family with whom I attended Church of Christ (CoC) services. As such, I led a dual life whereby I hung out with both gang and youth group members.
Some may refer to my dualistic behavior back then as “insane.” On one hand, I carried an assortment of weapons while I may or may not have participated in criminal activity. On the other hand, I was praising the name of Jesus while supposedly saving sinners like me.
This begs the question, what does it mean to be insane in the membrane (brain)? Being that I didn’t qualify for legal insanity when bestowed my nickname and I had no pertinent medical diagnosis, it interests me that a gangbanger knew that my behavior was irrational.
For more background on that particular Sureño, he’d been in and out of juvenile detention facilities for various crimes. After one stint of incarceration following a carjacking event, he bragged about ruthlessly assaulting other boys.
Which of my actions when around him were so over the top that that he concluded I was “fucking crazier” than the rest of the gangsters and warranted the moniker “Suicide-Psycho?” It’s difficult to recall with three decades having since passed.
I imagine that to have perceptively been thought of as insane in the membrane, as evidenced by my behavior around youths who participated in criminal activity, my behavior inferred a message of irrational disregard for my safety and that pertaining to others within Bomb City.
Simultaneously, I was actively involved in the CoC and participated in familial activities with my legal guardianship family. For instance, during one summer, the family and I took a road trip to the U.S. Capitol.
In the above photo, I’d hopped over a rail and posed as a statue within the Capitol Building. Bear in mind that not long before that trip I may or may not have been partaking in illegal activities which could’ve resulted in an incarcerated status. Some would call that “insane” behavior.
Yet, I wasn’t insane—not legally, medically, or colloquially speaking. From the perspective of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), people aren’t their behavior. Although I doubtlessly behaved in an insane manner at times, I wasn’t insane.
Similar to the important takeaway point regarding the distinction between insane and insanity, there’s a relevant difference between how one behaves and who one is. I was never truly “Suicide-Psycho,” though with little doubt I sometimes behaved in an inane fashion.
Presuming that you understand the differentiation between the self and behavior, I invite you to use this distinction when disputing your irrational beliefs the next time that you’re involved in the unhelpful globally-evaluative process of self-downing. Quickly, I’ll provide an example.
When reflecting upon the picture used for this blogpost, I now think to myself, “What in the world was I wearing? Who let me leave home wearing that outfit!?”
The wearing of an overly-colorful outfit was accomplished through my behavior. However, I wasn’t my outfit any more than I was the behavior that led to dressing myself on the day in question.
Thus, instead of using the distorted inference, “I was insane when dressing like that,” which is a form of self-downing, I could instead logically and reasonably conclude, “I dressed in an insane manner back then.” In this way, I separate myself from my behavior.
This distinction affords me an opportunity to alter my behavior, as it’s unlikely that I—as a fallible human being—will be able to change myself. After all, I’ve always been imperfect and will continue being so until I die.
Still, other people in your life may argue otherwise. Perhaps you can simply allow them to believe as they do. If that’s what it means to be “insane,” so be it. Then as lyrics of “Insane in the Brain” state, “Insane in the brain (kinda loco)!” In that case, aren’t we all a little insane?
Also stated on the track, “Who you trying to get crazy with, ese? Don’t you know I’m loco?” Oh, you’re insane, too? Right on! Still, if you’d like to know more about how to change your behavior while unconditionally accepting yourself, I’m here to try to help with that endeavor.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2023, November 15). Insanity. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/insanity
APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Mental disorder. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/mental-disorder
Chicano Historian. (2007, March 12). Ese. Urban Dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ese
Cypress Hill. (2009, October 25). Cypress Hill - Insane in the Brain (Official HD video) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/RijB8wnJCN0?si=V60SOgaqcjFVsqIs
Hollings, D. (2023, April 8). 2-Nice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/2-nice
Hollings, D. (2023, September 26). Anything. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/anything
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Hollings, D. (2023, May 18). Irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Lived experience. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/lived-experience
Hollings, D. (2023, January 8). Logic and reason. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/logic-and-reason
Hollings, D. (2024, April 22). On disputing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-disputing
Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings
Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership
Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2025, January 6). Self-downing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-downing
Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Black Sunday (Cypress Hill album). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Sunday_(Cypress_Hill_album)
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Crips. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crips
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Cypress Hill. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cypress_Hill
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Insane in the Brain. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insane_in_the_Brain
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Sureños. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surenos
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