On his 2000 album The Understanding, rapper Memphis Bleek released the track “In My Life” which featured a sample of Foreigner’s song “I Want to Know What Love Is” that stated, “In my life, there’s been heartache and pain.” I grew up with the latter song and grew from the former.
Allow me to explain. As a child, I used to frequently visit Road Runner Skating Rink, in Bomb City, wherein classic rock music was often played. Along with Journey, Boston, Toto, Chicago, and others, I spent a lot of time falling down when attempting to skate to music by Foreigner.
It was in that skating rink that I experienced belief-consequence (B-C)-influenced self-disturbance regarding heartache and pain associated with having been rejected by girls. Here, it may be worth explaining how Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) functions.
Often, people mistakenly subscribe to an action-consequence (A-C) perspective concerning mood disturbance. Yet, A-C influence explains outcomes in the physical, not psychological, realm. For example, if I fall while skating (Action), then I may sustain an injury (Consequence).
However, using the ABC model of REBT, if I fall while skating and sustain an injury (Action) while unhelpfully Believing, “I can’t stand being hurt, because it’s an awful experience,” then my unaccommodating assumption, and not the fall or injury, is what causes fear (Consequence).
In particular, stating that I “can’t stand” something is an example representing one of four major irrational beliefs known as low frustration tolerance (LFT). With this unproductive attitude, an individual convinces oneself that something is literally intolerable.
Likewise, telling myself that something is “awful,” rather than merely unpleasant, represents another of the major self-disturbing beliefs called awfulizing. In essence, a person convinces oneself that something is beyond one’s own perception of what is acceptable.
Using the B-C paradigm, when girls at the skating rink rejected my romantic proposals in childhood (Action) and I unfavorably Believed, “I shouldn’t be rejected, because dismissal of my attempts at love means I’m worthless,” then I experienced heartache and pain (Consequence).
In this example, I used another major irrational belief known as demandingness. This occurs when rigidly commanding what should, must, or ought to be the case. In my youthful mind, I shouldn’t have been rejected by the girls in whom I was interested. Of course, that was irrational.
As well, I employed use of the last major self-disturbing belief called global evaluation. In my case, I appraised my value as entirely “worthless” when being rejected. However, using this form of self-downing, I didn’t consider other elements of my existence which had worth.
Thus, when hearing “I Want to Know What Love Is” while in the skating rink as a child, there was plenty of self-induced “heartache and pain,” all because I unhelpfully used irrational beliefs pertaining to LFT, awfulizing, demandingness, and global evaluation.
Regarding “In My Life,” I grew from Memphis Bleek’s message much later in life than when I first heard the track. Initially, I related to the rapper’s message about having struggled earlier in existence. I, too, endured many difficult situations – some described in the song.
However, once I learned of REBT and how I was self-disturbing in association to legitimately traumatic events (i.e., not merely experiencing heartbreak), I better understood how Memphis Bleek may’ve been upsetting himself. For instance, the rapper ends his last verse thusly:
I got sixty-two grams and a six-shot eight
With plans to hit the block and get shit straight
But my dog just got shot, spot just got rushed
I lost all my weight when the crack pot bust
I was left with zip, zero, nothin’
That’s when I realized that my life ain’t ‘bout nothin’
The world wouldn’t understand Bleek in the street
So I took it to the booth and gave y’all the speech
In that verse, the rapper talks about having acquired cocaine and a pistol to protect his interests. He apparently was going to transform the product into crack cocaine, distribute the drug in a neighborhood, and then matters took a turn for the worse.
Bleek’s friend reportedly was the victim of a violent shooting when envious people raided his place, and the pot in which the rapper apparently rocked-up cocaine eventually burst into fragmented pieces. When the latter happened, Bleek lost his sixty-two grams of product.
This all describes an Action when “left with zip, zero, nothin’,” as Bleek unfavorably used a global evaluation by Believing “my life ain’t ‘bout nothin’,” which resulted in the isolating experience of sorrow (i.e., “The world wouldn’t understand”), that was his Consequence.
Helpfully resilient, the rapper reported that he “took it to the booth and gave y’all the speech” about his experience, rather than bemoaning the situation and further self-disturbing. Thus, “heartache and pain” as an unpleasant outcome didn’t influence the rapper to remain disturbed.
In my life, I’ve experienced heartache and pain. I’ve also been hopeful and fallen into despair when my attitude about my situation didn’t serve well my interests and goals. How about you?
Noteworthy, in Foreigner’s song, the chorus states, “In my life, there’s been heartache and pain. I don’t know if I can face it again. Can’t stop now; I’ve travelled so far to change this lonely life.” Therein is the making of an LFT belief (i.e., “I don’t know if I can face it again”).
However, the chorus concludes, “Can’t stop now; I’ve travelled so far to change this lonely life.” Rather than self-disturbing with the final form of LFT (i.e., I can’t face this experience), the song advocates reliance despite suffering. This is a message of high frustration tolerance (HFT).
“I can face this,” one may helpfully conclude. This applies to me falling down and also experiencing heartbreak in a skating rink, Memphis Bleek realizing that drug selling wasn’t a wise strategy, and to whatever you’ve experienced in life that has brought you to this point.
You’ve used HFT to endure unpleasant, and perhaps even actually traumatic, events. Thus, in your life, you can face undesirable, unexpected, unpleasant, unenjoyable, and previously unimaginable difficulty. With hope, you’ll keep that in mind when moving forward.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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