One aspect I appreciate about prior service in the Marine Corps was that other jarheads and I were encouraged to admit when we didn’t know the answer to a question. As we were constantly asked questions, I was comfortable when responding with, “I don’t know.”
Still, there was one caveat to this normative behavior. Marines were required to add that we would explore answers when ignorant (lacking knowledge) about a subject. “I don’t know, though I will find an answer and get back to you,” was the preferred response.
Senior enlisted Marines practiced this behavior, too. For instance, when I was a lance corporal (E-3) in Okinawa, Japan, I asked a sergeant (E-5) about whether or not I could obtain a privately owned vehicle (POV) license—akin to a state issued driver’s license for civilians.
Between 1997 and 1999, junior Marines in Okinawa were generally allowed to seek POV licenses. However, there were stricter requirements placed on jarheads after 1998, due to Marines on the island frequently facing legal action with Japanese law enforcement officers.
“I don’t know, because I think new orders are coming down the pike, but I will find an answer and get back to you,” the sergeant responded. Later, the sergeant approached me and said, “You’re good to go, devil dog; I was just informed by gunny [E-7] that you can get a license.”
There was a reason for Marines to express when we didn’t know an answer, rather than making something up in order to save face. Historically, individuals whose unhelpful beliefs created fear and then provided erroneous answers to military personnel wound up costing people their lives.
Imagine that when in a combat zone – where provided answers can mean the difference between life and death – an invalid answer may result in troops being sent into an area wherein the enemy maintains a strategic advantage. “Are there enemy personnel ahead?” one may ask.
“There’s no way anyone could’ve survived that artillery barrage, so you’re cleared to go,” another may respond. Then, a company of Marines encounters a heavy crew-served weaponry ambush after advancing forward based upon a faulty intelligence report.
Each and every one of those lost lives, on both sides of the conflict, may’ve been spared had the person without actual knowledge of the situation chosen to instead admit ignorance. There’s nothing shameful about admitting that a person doesn’t have an answer to a question.
“Arty [artillery] just provided steel rain [artillery assault], though I don’t know if it’s safe to advance. Stand fast [stay in your position] and I’ll find out if you can move forward,” would be a reasonable response. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this response.
When considering this matter, I think of my approach to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) and how I don’t pretend to have all the answers to every question I’m asked. From the very first telephonic consultation with a prospective client, I plead ignorance.
“How long will it take for me to get better?” a person may ask. “Getting better versus merely feeling better is a key function of the work we’ll do together. Still, I don’t know how long it’ll take you, because each person is different. What do you say we explore that answer together?” I may respond.
Regarding the process of responding with IDK (I don’t know), page 239 of The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion encourages REBT practitioners not to be afraid to admit when we don’t know answers to the questions clients pose. As well, we’re encouraged to find an answer.
In doing so, REBT practitioners can model unconditional self-acceptance (illustrating that there’s no shame in being a fallible human being), demonstrate the importance of an inquiring mind (exploring answers), and signify that we are reliable (not intentionally misleading).
Similar to when I served in the military, I continue using an IDK strategy when working with others. There’s no shame in this practice. Likewise, comparable to how I functioned as a jarhead, I explore answers to questions when I don’t know the answer.
Although the stakes aren’t necessarily as high in my current occupational field as they were in my former professional role, I’m still working with people’s lives and the importance of my response cannot be understated. After all, I don’t know what IDK, but I’ll get back to you.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Dryden, W. and Neenan, M. (2003). The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion. Albert Ellis Institute. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-rebt-therapists-pocket-companion-d185164652.html
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2024, May 11). Fallible human being. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fallible-human-being
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance
Wayhomestudio. (n.d.). Clueless bearded man shrugs shoulders looks puzzled and unaware say I dont understand [Image]. Freepik. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/clueless-bearded-man-shrugs-shoulders-looks-puzzled-unaware-say-i-dont-understand_17680183.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=29&uuid=e31d607a-b2b0-4f1c-9cf3-70dcb57d220c
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