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Writer's pictureDeric Hollings

I Sacrificed Myself to Save You

 

Years ago, I heard a quote attributed to author Penny Reid, “Don’t set yourself on fire trying to keep others warm.” Had I heard those wise words during my 20s, I imagine that I could’ve saved myself from self-disturbance that stemmed from my irrational beliefs during that period of life.

 

Alas, life being the fallible experience that it is, I knew nothing of Reid’s quote or rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) when perhaps I most needed guidance. Such is life, and I unconditionally accept my imperfect nature, the flaws of others, and a blemished existence.

 

What matters at present is that I understand how frequently I proverbially torched myself when trying to keep others warm. From my cognitively distorted perspective at the time, I was something akin to a superhero. However, this wasn’t due to an over-inflated ego.

 

Given my historical outlook, I wasn’t self-sacrificing in order to save other people. Rather, I was heroically proving my worth. This is likely due to having profoundly lacked unconditional self-acceptance (USA) at the time.

 

The REBT concept of USA is an antidote to the irrational belief known as a negative self-rating or global evaluation of the self. For instance, I probably believed something along the lines of, “If I’m not of use to others, then I’m worthless.”

 

Fueling my unhelpful self-narrative at the time was my status as a military policeman, offering assistance to those in need as a matter of job performance and rebellion against confirmation bias. Regarding the latter, a negative self-rating was countered by making myself useful.

 

However, my behavior was little more than a thin veneer that barely hid the fact that I truly believed I was worthless. How long could I have maintained the appearance of helpfulness when I couldn’t even escape my own mind? Thus, I was constantly reminded of how worthless I was.

 

Without accepting myself as a fallible human being who had some worth and who wasn’t altogether useless, I could’ve practiced USA rather than having repeatedly lit myself in a blaze. After all, I wasn’t a superhero. I was merely a person who self-disturbed with unhelpful beliefs.

 

Contemplating this matter further, I’m reminded of the 2010 electronic dance music (EDM) track “Save You (Sam Stroke & Isaac Fisherman remix)” by Gemini’s Edge. Lyrics include:

 

I sacrificed myself to save you [x4]

 

Nowhere, nobody

Nothing to give

Nothing, nobody

Nowhere to live

 

Never again will I be the one in need

Never again will I kiss the hand that feeds

Leave it open for all to see

What happens when you do good deeds

 

Vocals from the track remind me of my past. No matter how many people I tried to help – “heroically saved,” had I described it back then – I continually found myself at the same starting point: nowhere with nobody, nothing left to give, and nowhere to live without my beliefs.

 

Self-disturbance caused by my irrational beliefs led me to conclude that the “good deeds” I performed were likely never to adequately counter my negative self-rating. Thus, I was worthless no matter what I did or didn’t do. That doesn’t sound very heroic to me now.

 

Thankfully, I later learned of REBT and no longer sacrifice myself to save others or set myself on fire trying to keep others warm. As I routinely practice USA, I find that I’m still able to try to help others – though to do so originating from a “good enough” self-appraisal.

 

How about you, do you needlessly and proverbially light yourself on fire in order to keep others warm? Would you like to know more about how you can still attempt to help others while also accepting yourself without unhelpful conditions? If so, I look forward to hearing from you.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


 

References:

Goodreads. (n.d.). “Don’t set yourself on fire trying to keep others warm.” ― Penny Reid, Beard in Mind. Goodreads, Inc. Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/8759153-don-t-set-yourself-on-fire-trying-to-keep-others-warm

Hollings, D. (2024, May 18). Cognitive distortions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/cognitive-distortions

Hollings, D. (2023, August 28). Confirmation bias and cognitive dissonance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/confirmation-bias-and-cognitive-dissonance

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, May 11). Fallible human being. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fallible-human-being

Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations

Hollings, D. (2023, December 26). Good enough is good enough. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/good-enough-is-good-enough

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux

Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance

Playground. (n.d.). Intense charcoal warrior with glowing emblem art [Image]. Retrieved from https://playground.com/design/template/intense-charcoal-warrior-with-glowing-emblem-art-cm2f83tv70038ajlf7wqazdio

Reid, P. (n.d.). Penny Reid [Official website]. Retrieved from https://pennyreid.ninja/

Spotify. (n.d.). Gemini’s Edge. Retrieved from https://open.spotify.com/artist/0GnYWO4rMQwT9ELHNLApGH

Tranzation. (2013, July 14). Gemini’s Edge - Save You (Sam Stroke & Isaac Fisherman remix) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/dAh-g8x0NBw?si=339I74-EoQVK8hQY

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