Earlier today, when listening to the track “Run It Fast” by Barbaydose, I concentrated on the sample of a Les Brown speech used in the song. In the original monologue, Brown states:
It is something I’d like to share some ideas and thoughts with you. I’m not asking that you believe anything that I say. I’m not asking that you agree with me. I’m merely asking that you stand on and in the conversation that we share with you this evening. And if there’s something that I say that can fit and work for you, I say use it. If not, discard it and let it be. Is that all right?
This is partially how I approach the practice of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) when working with clients. At the risk of oversimplifying this psychotherapeutic modality, there are generally two main techniques one can use in order to reduce self-disturbance.
Tool number one is the ABC model. This technique demonstrates how when undesirable Adversity occurs and a person maintains irrational Beliefs about the event, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the situation itself that causes unpleasant Consequences (e.g., fear, anger, etc.).
In order to resolve the experience of self-inflicted suffering, Disputation of unproductive assumptions is used so that an individual can discover and implement Effective new beliefs. Use of this tool requires personal responsibility and accountability for one’s own reactions.
Tool number two is the practice of unconditional acceptance (UA). This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
Using this technique, REBT acknowledges the fallibility of oneself, others, and life while identifying how little control and influence people actually have in any given circumstance. Likewise, the concepts of impermanence and uncertainty are interwoven into this tool.
Although not specifically advocated in REBT literature, I ask that (at minimal) my clients understand, believe in, and frequently practice the techniques of REBT. This is where Brown, who stated, “I’m not asking that you believe anything that I say,” and I differ.
If an individual understands the ABC model and UA, though doesn’t believe these tools will actually reduce self-disturbance, it’s probable that the person won’t practice these techniques. Therefore, without belief in the modality a person may not benefit from continued practice.
Nevertheless, I value that Brown states, “I’m not asking that you agree with me,” because agreement with my interpretation of an individual’s experience isn’t essential to the practice of REBT. Much like the people with whom I work, I’m also an imperfect being.
Therefore, I don’t need people to agree with me when I’m fully aware that what I think, feel, believe, or say may be subject to imperfection. Aside from the therapeutic alliance (psychotherapeutic relationship), practice of REBT is ultimately the main element I advocate.
This, of course, is predicated on understanding of and belief in REBT. If an individual doesn’t agree with what I have to say about improving one’s own life, no problem, because I’m not interested in unhelpfully demanding that people agree with me.
As stated by Brown, “And if there’s something that I say that can fit and work for you, I say use it. If not, discard it and let it be.” In this regard, my approach to REBT is to help people get better and not to merely feel better.
This process can be uncomfortable, and I realize that’s a hard sell for some people. In fact, many people will merely disagree with the notion that discomfort is an inherent component to success with mental, emotional, and behavioral health. Such people tend not to stick with therapy.
Still, I’m not asking that you agree with me on the matter of discomfort, because it’s true regardless of whether or not you concur. If comfort-seeking is what you prefer, I invite you to continue doing whatever it is you’ve been doing in avoidance of lasting and effective change.
Keep doing what you’ve always done and you’ll likely wind up where you’ve always been. On the other hand, if you’re prepared to challenge yourself, endure discomfort, and commit to routine practice of REBT, then I’m prepared to assist you on your path to success.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
Photo credit (edited), fair use
References:
Bandcamp. (n.d.). Barbaydose. Retrieved from https://barbaydose.bandcamp.com/
Barbaydose – Topic. (2020, June 4). Run It Fast [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/15PvQfg__yQ?si=ZnxE5BL4NjjxzSOS
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Inspire Me. (2019, November 10). Stop negative thinking and believe in yourself Les Brown [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/tRGu6QywEBQ?si=eNAw1h1H3kFR0YMp
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