Consider the following source in regard to being ‘called out of name’ and see if you can relate:
Call out of name –
To insult; using an insult in place of one’s name.
Usually referring to the term bitch.
Insult: “What you want, bitch?”
Response: “Don’t you be callin’ me out my name!”
Has anyone ever called you out of name? If so, what was your reaction? If you’re one of the rare exceptions to name-calling, as perhaps you’ve never been called out of name, allow me to assist. Bitch, you know you’ve been falsely labeled before!
Now that you’re in alignment with the rest of us who’ve been called out of name, what was your reaction to name-calling? Did you perhaps self-disturb with unhelpful beliefs regarding syllables uttered from someone’s mouth or letters spelled out on an electronic device?
Did you unproductively conclude that sticks and stones may break your bones, though words most definitely will hurt you? If so, allow me to introduce you to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).
REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, if someone pushes you down a flight of stairs (Action), you’ll likely sustain an injury (Consequence). Tumbling downward and striking body parts on multiple stairs is representative of a direct A-C connection regarding pain (bodily sensation).
However, if I call you out of name (Action) and you unhelpfully Believe, “Deric shouldn’t refer to me as a ‘bitch,’ because I can’t stand being called out of name,” then you’ll likely disturb yourself into an angry disposition (Consequence).
Unlike a naturalistic world setting in which an A-C connection produces physical pain, people create their own anguish with B-C connections from a psychological standpoint. Thus, I help people to stop upsetting themselves through use of B-C connections, though I can’t fully resolve their A-C connections.
When contemplating this matter further, I’m reminded of rapper Redman’s 1998 song “I’ll Bee Dat!” (i.e., “I’ll beeeeeeee that!”). In the first verse, the rapper declares, “Yo, remember you, bitch? Shit, I forget my last name!” The chorus then states:
My middle name must be Fuck You
'Cause every time I walk by
Niggas be like, “Fuck you”
I’ll be dat, I’ll be dat, I’ll be dat, I’ll be dat
My first name must be He Ain’t Shit
‘Cause every time I’m in a car
Bitches be like, “He ain’t shit”
I’ll be dat, I’ll be dat, I’ll be dat, I’ll be dat (Yo, yo, yo)
Ironically, Redman calls people out of name (i.e., “niggas” and “bitches”) while discussing how others call him out of name. Collectively, he’s referred to as He Ain’t Shit (first name) Fuck You (middle name), and with a forgotten last name.
Remarkably, the rapper exercises one of the core techniques of REBT rather than upsetting himself with unfavorable beliefs about being called out of name. In this way, Redman illustrates the practice of tolerance and acceptance throughout the chorus.
Noteworthy, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
Rather than self-disturbing when people call him names, Redman ostensibly advocates the practice of unconditionally accepting whatever arbitrary name is cast upon him by saying, “I’ll be dat!” This helpful attitude allows an individual the opportunity to shrug off irrelevant mischaracterizations of oneself.
Given this healthy perspective, how might you apply the present psychoeducational lesson in your own life, bitch? If you’d like to know more about how to unconditionally accept when people call you out of name, so that you may carry on about your day without upsetting yourself, I’m here to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Handymanshandle. (2019, April 20). Redman – I’ll Bee Dat! (Explicit single version) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/eufuhiRUe_k?si=zpHbEDgJBTlxkGjw
Hollings, D. (2023, October 15). Ad hominem. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/ad-hominem
Hollings, D. (2024, March 19). Consequences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/consequences
Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
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Hollings, D. (2022, November 10). Labeling. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/labeling
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance
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Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought
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Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2023, February 16). Tna. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/tna
Hollings, D. (2022, November 15). To don a hat. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-don-a-hat
Hollings, D. (2022, July 11). Unconditional acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, February 25). Unconditional other-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-other-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance
Katie Q. (2008, February 8). Call out of name. Urban Dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=call%20out%20of%20name
Wikipedia. (n.d.). I’ll Bee Dat! [Image]. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27ll_Bee_Dat!
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Redman (rapper). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redman_(rapper)
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