In a blog entry entitled TBI I stated, “Two of my family members weren’t as well-off in their experiences, as both sustained penetrating brain injury – one from a shotgun pellet and the other whose skull was run over by a car.” The former individual I referenced was my dad.
As the story goes, my dad was a hippie—a young person in the ‘60s who rejected the mores of established society (as by dressing unconventionally or favoring communal living) and who advocated a nonviolent ethic. This is an integral component to his story from early adulthood.
Apparently, one day when a man was behaving in a violent manner toward one of my aunts, my dad intervened on her behalf. A man of nonviolent principles, my dad was said to have maneuvered his sister out of a house, in which she was being abused, and into the front yard.
Because he’d not aggressed against the apparent attacker and instead opted for the peaceful intervention strategy of fleeing the residence, the reportedly hostile man was said to have retrieved a shotgun, aimed it at my dad as he was running, and fired the weapon.
A shot pellet was said to have struck my dad in the external occipital protuberance (back of the skull). When repeatedly hearing the story as a child, I found entertainment in the ever-changing and verbose details, as well as the histrionic behavior, used by my dad.
On one occasion, he simulated falling to the ground after being shot. From that point in the tale, my dad remained on the floor of our den when describing how he could’ve been drafted to fight in the Vietnam conflict.
“But Jehovah is mighty,” my dad clarified, inferring divine intervention. Apparently, my dad lost consciousness, an ambulance was called, and paramedics were moments from placing my dad on a stretcher before he regained consciousness.
“I told them, ‘Wait,” he expressed when rising from the floor of our den, “and I stood up, held a peace sign in the air, and walked to the back of the ambulance!” I could tell that my dad was quite proud of his reported behavior. He was fully committed to nonviolence.
Typically, the story ended with an invitation, “C’mere and feel this, son.” I can’t recall declining an offer to approach my dad and feel a relatively large protrusion extending from his healed wound. The shot pellet was said to have been inoperable, at the risk of causing additional harm.
The tale of two fingers held up by my dad explained why in many photos my dad could be seen flashing a peach sign. Even when subtly displaying his commitment to nonviolence all the years after his hippie apparel was replaced by lounging sweats, my dad revered use of the hand sign.
His dedication to a nonviolent lifestyle served my dad well when becoming a member of the Jehovah’s Witnesses (JW) before I was ever born. Given his foundation of choosing not to aggress against others, my dad instilled his principles in me.
As a fallible human being is prone to do, I rebelled against hippy-dippy, JW values when in adolescence. Similar to my dad, I flashed signs on my hands. However, sometimes I displayed peace signs and at other times I presented gang signs.
Living with my dad for a brief period after graduating high school, I then took my rebellious streak to another level when enlisting in the Marine Corps. JWs are said to be conscientiously opposed to war and other forms of violence, and refrain from participation in such in any form.
When serving the role of military police, I continued foolish rebellion against authority. Because the Corps was the only branch of the military that didn’t have a peacetime mission, I blatantly flashed peace signs in many photos with military personnel. How boringly contrarian!
When a camera would come out, I usually had two fingers out. Display of gang signs would’ve been a bridge too far, so I settled for an anti-war sign that was taught to me by my dad from some of my earliest memories.
All these years later, I now value the non-aggression principle (NAP) which one source describes by stating, “Violence may be employed only against the man who commits such violence; that is, only defensively against the aggressive violence of another.”
Although not as entirely committed to nonviolence as my dad’s hippie and JW beliefs warranted, my preference for an NAP approach to living allows me to defend myself rather than flee if someone pulls a shotgun on me. No two fingers are being held in the air at that point.
“Okay, Deric, so why is a psychotherapist committing this story and its resulting principled stance to a blogpost, especially in an electronic dance music [EDM] category?” you may ask. I’m glad you asked, imaginary reader.
Earlier, when listening to Homework’s EDM track “I Got Two,” I thought about the story of my dad and his two fingers held high in the sky. I can’t explain why my mind works the way it does. In fact, the blogpost TBI addressed the issue in regard to traumatic brain injuries I’ve endured.
And this is how rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) ties into the current post. Sometimes clients report being self-disturbed by irrational beliefs about the sporadic nature of their thoughts.
“I shouldn’t have these bizarre thoughts,” “It’s awful that my mind doesn’t work like everyone else’s,” “I can’t stand that my thoughts are about saddening topics,” or, “I’m worthless, because I’ll probably never stop thinking this way,” are the types of statements I sometimes hear.
These unhelpful attitudes create conflict within one’s mind and body. Forgive my use of hyperbole for a moment. When using chaotic beliefs of this nature, about random thoughts which have little value in the first place, it’s as though a person declares war against oneself.
The consequences of subscribing to rigid beliefs is felt by undesired emotions and uncomfortable body sensations, as well as having an unfavorable outcome manifested though one’s behavior. Rather than participating in an illogical and unreasonable war, why not give peace a chance?
The REBT concept of unconditional self-acceptance may function like a mental, emotional, and behavior health version of the NAP. Suppose unproductive beliefs commit a form of proverbial violence against you whereby you use any of the aforementioned self-disturbing assumptions.
You’re allowed to aggress back against the aggressive force. Start by accepting yourself without condition. Acknowledge that you’re a fallible human being with nonsensical thoughts which bounce around in your head, and that perhaps most people in the world have similar thoughts.
That’s your peace sign. I got two fingers which I often hoist up, as well. If acceptance of this form doesn’t resolve the conflict, you could try disputing the irrational beliefs you maintain about the senseless thoughts which fill your mind.
The use of two fingers is akin to my dad’s approach to conflict. Disputation is more of my preferred method for eliminating a threat. Examples of this active-directive form of mental, emotional, and behavioral conflict resolution can be found in my blog category: Disputation.
Herein, I’ve provided two techniques you may find useful. Now, you got two methods of addressing the proverbial war within yourself. If you’d like to learn more ways to reduce self-disturbance, I’m here to help. Let’s see if together we can bring about relative peace within.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Apple Music. (n.d.). Homework. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/homework/81687591
Exploitedrec. (2011, April 19). Homework – I Got Two [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/cGqEahqKjqs?si=1fRJoRWnQTmwKcSk
Freepik. (n.d.). Portrait of defocused woman showing peace sign [Image]. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/portrait-defocused-woman-showing-peace-sign_15857393.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=23&uuid=a45f40d0-ff24-44c9-9e25-bc6d0a8954c7
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