I Feel for You

[DISCLAIMER]

Given the available electronic dance music (EDM) genres, I have an affinity for French house. For instance, during the late ‘90s and early ‘00s, I frequently enjoyed listening to and mixing tracks from French house DJ and record producer Bob Sinclar.

Since then, I’ve infrequently been reminded of his work while experiencing gratitude for having appreciated Sinclar’s efforts during a time when the EDM scene arguably wasn’t influenced by much of the commercial infiltration that disputably impacts the current subculture.

As an example of such a reminder, I recently listened to a DJ set from Zabethmusic in which Sinclar’s track “I Feel for You,” from his 2000 album Champs Elysées, was featured. Noteworthy, I adamantly disagree with what one critic stated of the anthology:

A predictable whirl of artificial strings, filtered loops and strident glitterball house, it’s clear Sinclar doesn’t have an original idea in his impeccably coiffured head.

I’ve continually enjoyed the album, and a reminder of “I Feel for You” from Zabethmusic has led to an arguably unoriginal idea in my presumed “impeccably coiffured head.” Perhaps critics of my opinion will be as unforgiving to my view as the critic of Sinclar’s music was with him.

For context, the phrase “I feel for you” denotes sympathy or empathy for another person’s situation, expressing compassion through understanding of the feelings (emotions and sensations) associated with the experience. These terms warrant additional definitions.

Colloquially, “sympathy” is defined as an affinity, association, or relationship between persons or things wherein whatever affects one similarly affects the other. Similarly, the American Psychological Association (APA) defines sympathy thusly:

1. feelings of concern or compassion resulting from an awareness of the suffering or sorrow of another.

2. more generally, a capacity to share in and respond to the concerns or feelings of others.

3. an affinity between individuals on the basis of similar feelings, inclinations, or temperament.

When using psychoeducation regarding my approach to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I invite people to consider that “feelings” are either: (1) emotions (i.e., joy, fear, anger, sorrow, disgust, surprise, etc.) or (2) sensations (i.e., hot, cold, painful, etc.).

However, stating something like “I feel like you’re suffering” isn’t grammatically or pragmatically correct. If “feel” (or derivatives thereunto) can be replaced with any form of cognitive term (i.e., think, believe, hunch, suspect, etc.), then it isn’t a feeling at all.

While I may “think you’re suffering,” I cannot possible “feel like you’re suffering.” Thus, I reject a portion of how “sympathy” is defined commonly and by the APA.

Colloquially, “empathy” is defined as the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another. According to the APA, empathy is defined thusly:

[U]nderstanding a person from their frame of reference rather than one’s own, or vicariously experiencing that person’s feelings, perceptions, and thoughts. Empathy does not, of itself, entail motivation to be of assistance, although it may turn into sympathy or personal distress, which may result in action. In psychotherapy, therapist empathy for the client can be a path to comprehension of the client’s cognitions, affects, motivations, or behaviors.

Although I concur with the common and APA notion of one individual being able to try to understand the experience of another person, I fundamentally reject the assertion that one individual can “vicariously” experience the same “feelings.” It’s absurd to suggest otherwise.

In a post entitled On Empathy, I stated, “Bloom describes rational compassion by stating, ‘We can care about people, want to make their lives better, without putting ourselves in their shoes,’ by way of relating and understanding—not feeling the suffering or sharing the experience.”

In that blog entry, I advocated use of “rational compassion”—caring for other people while being able to detach oneself from experiencing or feeling their pain. As I maintain that it’s virtually impossible to literally feel what others feel, people can instead imagine the experience of others.

First, imagination is a cognitive and not emotive or sensational matter. Second, that which is considered to be “rational” empirically must remain in accordance with both logic and reason. Last, given these premises, rational compassion is the cognitive understanding of emotive outcomes.

Admittedly, I once misused phrases such as “I feel for you.” As an example, in my youth, it was popular to express “I feel you” when communicating perceived understanding of another person’s plight. I say “perceived” to suggest that complete understanding is highly unlikely.

Citing an instance of this common expression, on his 1993 album The World Is Yours, the most influential southern lyricist of my lifetime, Scarface, released a track entitled “Now I Feel Ya.” Describing the track, one source opines:

Lyrically, “Now I Feel Ya” is an introspective song in which Scarface expresses his love of and gratitude to his mother, stepfather, grandmother and young son. In addition, he raps about having to change his lifestyle to be a good influence as a parent.

While expression of love for his family members appears to be the point of the song, the aforementioned source accurately references an “introspective” (cognitive) method of such expression. Noteworthy, the APA defines introspection thusly:

1. the process of attempting to directly access one’s own internal psychological processes, judgments, perceptions, or states.

2. in the literature on attitudes, the process in which a person attempts to explain the reasons for holding a particular attitude, reaching a specific decision, or engaging in a particular behavior.

Introspection is a cognitive matter related to understanding—a mental (not emotive) grasp, the power of comprehending, and the power to make experience intelligible by applying concepts and categories. Thus, when saying “I feel ya,” one incorrectly communicates understanding.

Undoubtedly, some people will reject my framing of phrases such as “I feel for you” and “I feel you.” My detractors may argue that it’s literally possible to feel what another person feels. Regarding this matter, we can disagree.

Although empathy in this capacity is an absurd proposition to me, I unconditionally accept that other fallible human beings will hold different concepts within their minds than what I regard as true. Besides, my summation may be wrong. Ya feel me?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM and hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit (edited), fair use

References:

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Empathy. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/empathy

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Introspection. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/introspection

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Sympathy. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/sympathy

Apple Music. (n.d.). Zabethmusic. Apple, Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/zabethmusic/1789651480

Bedneyimages. (n.d.). White characters closing a deal [Image]. Freepik. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/white-characters-closing-deal_945752.htm#fromView=search&page=50&position=0&uuid=d2f870e7-558f-4b32-831d-d96c3b7dfa9a&query=empathy

Brainwaves Video Anthology, The. (2017, January 17). Paul Bloom - Against empathy: The case for rational compassion [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/Si1YSUAEH4w

Embassy One. (2009, January 30). Bob Sinclar – I Feel for You [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/KYEVhmZKvhI?si=IRR2b426gNkLkT8b

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Empirical should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/empirical-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, May 11). Fallible human being. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fallible-human-being

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2023, January 8). Logic and reason. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/logic-and-reason

Hollings, D. (2024, September 27). My attitude. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-attitude

Hollings, D. (2022, October 22). On empathy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-empathy

Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings

Hollings, D. (2023, April 24). On truth. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-truth

Hollings, D. (2024, November 18). Opinions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/opinions

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, March 14). REBT and emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-and-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation

Hollings, D. (2023, September 6). The absence of suffering. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-absence-of-suffering

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux

Martin, P. (2005, September 12). Bob Sinclair: Champs Elysées. NME. Retrieved from https://www.nme.com/reviews/reviews-nme-3596-335469

UPROXX. (2009, May 24). Scarface - Now I Feel Ya (Official video) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/q-yYwKYqtsU?si=j3cRMkJWX38bGLuv

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Against Empathy. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Against_Empathy

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Bob Sinclar. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Sinclar

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Champs Elysées (album). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Champs_Elys%C3%A9es_(album)

Wikipedia. (n.d.). French house. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/French_house

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Now I Feel Ya. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Now_I_Feel_Ya

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Paul Bloom (psychologist). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Bloom_(psychologist)

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Scarface (rapper). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scarface_(rapper)

Wikipedia. (n.d.). The World Is Yours (Scarface album). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_World_Is_Yours_(Scarface_album)

Zabethmusic. (2024, December 16). House mix DJ set [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/GeOXUnauA7o?si=2Y64gSmACcy3nPej