In 1996, I was enrolled into the Delayed Entry Program with the United States Marine Corps, living with my friend “1/2 Ton” and awaiting my sister’s graduation before attending recruit training. During that year, classic hip hop artist 2Pac released his album All Eyez on Me.
The historic anthology included the song “I Ain’t Mad at Cha,” featuring the vocals of Danny Boy, and it was played it heavy rotation by 1/2 Ton and I as we’d cruise the streets of Bomb City. Regarding the track, one source states:
The song is widely considered one of Shakur’s best with Cheo Hodari Coker calling it “possibly the best song 2Pac has ever recorded”. In 1998, The Source ranked the song’s three verses second in its category of “dopest verses” in the history of hip-hop.
“I Ain’t Mad at Cha” was eerily prophetic regarding my relationship with 1/2 Ton. Setting the scene, 2Pac states on the introduction of the track:
Change?
Shit, I guess change is good for any of us
Whatever it take[s] for any of y’all niggas to get up out the hood
Shit, I’m wit’ ya. I ain’t mad at cha
Got nothin’ but love for ya. Do your thing, boy
Yeah, all the homies that I ain’t talk[ed] to in a while
I’ma send this one out for y’all
Know what I mean? ‘Cause I ain’t mad at cha
Heard y’all tearin’ up shit out there
Kickin’ up dust, givin’ a motherfuck
Yeah, niggas, ‘cause I ain't mad at cha
I’d graduated high school in ’95, briefly moved to Aurora, Colorado, and then again relocated to Amarillo, Texas by the time All Eyez on Me was released. 1/2 Ton and I were seniors together and following high school we were both experiencing significant changes.
My plan was to join the Marines and he would work for his dad, learning an invaluable trade, with the hopes of one day owning a small business. The apartment in which we lived together had a trap spot a couple doors down and we both aspired to improve our circumstances.
When 2Pac referenced “whatever it take[s] for any of y’all niggas to get up out the hood,” 1/2 Ton and I understood the hustle mentality required to achieve our goals. In the interest of change, we were going to take measures to distance ourselves from our lower socioeconomic status.
In the first verse of “I Ain’t Mad at Cha,” 2Pac states, “Now, we was once two niggas of the same kind,” as this opening line set the stage for similarity between 1/2 Ton and I. He was friends with Bloods and I befriended Crips, though neither of us were validated gang members.
While in Aurora, I’d call and write to 1/2 Ton, inquiring about his wellbeing. When I returned to Bomb City, I continued looking after my friend in a similar manner. Perhaps I was a bit too moralistic in my approach, as I stated in a blogpost entitled Acceptance:
1/2 [Ton] nicknamed me “Preacher,” because I attended house parties and other get-togethers while spreading biblical knowledge—much like Sharif from Boyz n the Hood raised awareness with others about Islam.
In “I Ain’t Mad at Cha,” 2Pac addresses a similar experience with his friend by stating, “Collect calls to the crib, sayin’ how you’ve changed. Oh, you a Muslim now? No more dope game.” Although I befriended gang members, I sought to change the behavior of my friends.
Back then, I frequently attended church services though I could also be found at a trap spot. Justifying my dichotomous behavior, I reflected upon Matthew 9:10-12:
10 While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. 11 When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” 12 On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.
When 1/2 Ton nicknamed me “Preacher,” he did so out of annoyance with my behavior. At that time, he was religiously agnostic. Still, I maintained concern about some of the hustling activities in which 1/2 Ton was involved.
Therefore, I wanted to change how he behaved so that he could aim his life in a more positive direction. When reflecting upon this matter, I’m reminded of how 2Pac said, “When I talk about money, all you see is the struggle. When I tell you I’m livin’ large, you tell me it’s trouble.”
Eventually, 1/2 Ton and I communicated far less frequently while I traveled the world when in the Corps. As 2Pac also stated in “I Ain’t Mad at Cha,” “I know we grew apart, you probably don’t remember.” That’s been the story of my friendships for life: Out of sight, out of mind.
2Pac added, “Now, the whole shit’s changed and we don’t even kick it,” which appropriately sums up my experience with 1/2 Ton after I discharged from the Marines. Remarkably, I’d changed my religious views to a more agnostic perspective and he was then a church member.
I recall inviting my once close friend to my undergraduate graduation and he refused to attend, because I’d distanced myself from religion. To me, the matter was similar to how 2Pac ended his first verse, “You tryin’ hard to maintain, then go ahead, ‘cause I ain’t mad at cha.”
A number of years later, during the last conversation I’d ever have with 1/2 Ton, he informed me that he couldn’t fathom maintaining friendship with a non-Christian. In protection of his changed ways, 1/2 Ton expressed a desire not to continue our acquaintanceship.
Through use of irrational beliefs, I could’ve self-disturbed about the matter. However, I chose to unconditionally accept that someone with whom I once shared a home and went through the struggle was no longer willing to welcome me into his life.
Truly, there’s no use in upsetting myself with unhelpful assumptions about this matter. Rather, I’m grateful to know that 1/2 Ton finally established the small business about which he once dreamed and that he’s married and has a healthy child.
He’s now the “Preacher” while I remain the outkast which we both once were. About this, I’m undisturbed. As stated by Big Rube on “True Dat (Interlude),” “As a matter of fact, fuck being anything else!”
In any event, I thought about 1/2 Ton earlier today and figured that someone may benefit from a brief Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) lesson in acceptance. Are you that somebody?
Perhaps you need to hear truth at this moment in your life. Friendships will come and go. This is a natural occurrence and there’s nothing worth upsetting yourself about in this regard. Besides, there’s no logical and reasonable justification for self-disturbing when simply accepting what is.
Similar to how I’m not mad at 1/2 Ton for essentially abandoning our friendship, you can forgive your fallible former friends for their behavioral shortcomings. What other option do you have; remain upset over unfavorable beliefs about the matter? Is that genuinely what you wish to do?
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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